Nostalgia
by Icemera
Summary: Prequel to 'Superstar'. Months after the Carnival. Through their journey together, Nao and Shizuru will try to grasp what it all means. Sunrise's Hime. Now, added with 'Sleepless', a 1-shot taken place after 'Superstar'.
1. Prologue

**NOSTALGIA**

_Summary: Six months after the Carnival, Nao left Fuuka and embarked on a journey to Tokyo._

**-1- **It's best to read** Superstar **before this piece even though it's a prequel to it.

**-2-** It's recommended to skip this piece if you have read **Superstar** and wish to keep all your own interpretations open.

**Note: **thank you Whistler-chan for editing this chap

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**Prologue **

An aging, plump American droned the heartbreaking tune of 'Crying' on the tiny, round stage, the band pooled by the dimming blue light from the spotlights above. His voice was reminiscence of Roy Orbison's soft and charming one, but with a rougher edge that came with his age. The overhead, green, rusty fan whirled ever so slowly, almost dripping and dragging with the pace of the music. In his brown, old suit, he paid no attention to the heat, leaving the beads of sweat on his forehead untouched, a dull handkerchief was clutched in his trembling fist.

_Oh, you wished me well, you couldn't tell  
That I've been crying over you. _

Excluding the Indian waiters, all of the customers remained still, mesmerized, traumatized by the sung tragedy that might have mirrored their own. From the forlorn look on their faces, some must have missed it even.

_ Then you said 'So long', left me standing all alone.  
Alone and crying. _

In this little pub we found along the crowded street in Chanakyapuri, foreigners of many nationalities merged in this fleeting night for a couple of drinks. Some were here, already with a few companions. Some sought company in this unknown town, where nobody knew of their past. We were all faceless. Complete strangers. Strangely contented.

_ It's hard to understand, but the touch of your hand can start me crying.  
I thought I was over you, but it's true, so true  
I love you even more than I did before, but, darling, what can I do? _

Thousands of miles away from home, and here I was, still with the familiar face I never grew tired of watching.

Fujino Shizuru was occupying the wooden stool next to mine. We sat close to each other, so close that I could lean my head comfortably on her shoulder, her nearest arm wrapping around my waist. Her touches were often complimentary; they came so easy that they hardly held any meaning, but I savored each and every one of them tonight. The strands of her chestnut tresses nuzzled around my neck. Her mildly damped cheek rested against my forehead. The scent of her cheap perfume—her very presence—felt mandatory. 

_For you don't love me.  
And I'll always be crying over you. _

As the singer's voice ascended to the ending notes, my hand acquired a heart of its own and reached to hold Shizuru's tightly. And, as always, she clutched my hand back.

The rounds of applauses and whistles thundered throughout the pub as soon as the singer perked his chin up high and his hand sharply lowered the mike down, ending the heart wrenching tale.

"Bravo!" Shizuru laughed heartily, clinking her glass against mine a little too merrily that she spilled her drink a bit. 

A wide smile on my face, she couldn't tell that I was crying over her. I straightened myself up, but just enough to still feel her body heat, and clank the glass back in equal enthusiasm. Our gazes fixing on each other, we washed our drinks down in one smooth gulp.

_And from this moment on, I'll be crying.  
Crying. Crying. Crying… _


	2. C1: She

**A/N: My beta is very busy with her school. Aiiiiii. Sorry about the grammar mistakes you'll see there.**

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**CHAPTER 1: SHE**

"Yuuki Nao?"

The plump cop in his late forties tapped the bong against the steely bars to get my attention.

"Yuuki Nao?" he repeated.

"Yeah, don't you already know my fucking name?" Bored, I brushed the damp locks from my tired face.

Only two hours ago, I was with a _friend_, Takahashi Jiro, who promised to make Tokyo my second home. With all the connections he boasted about, he was going to help me break into movie industry. Only three days ago, I packed my things against my mother's advice to go out there and seize the day. After what happened during the Carnival, I decided to live for the moment. Only a month ago, I stopped all my self-destructive activities in hope to begin a new life.

And here I was, arrested for bodily injuring Jiro as he attempted to steal my money and the old watch mother gave me. Not to mention the cop's leers and suppressed sexual remarks for the past thirty minutes. It was the first time that, without my supernatural power, I realized how prison seemed so real to me. It was the first time that, without the urge to avenge the injustice, I realized how anyone would easily fall prey to this already chaotic and dark world.

Goddamn. It had been a long fucking night.

"Someone's here to pick you up."

I immediately shot up from the chair. I was allowed for a phone call and, not wanting to alarm mother with this stupid news, I had no choice but to call Mai. She wasn't exactly a close friend of mine, but she was nice and I could use her just fine. I knew she'd try to get me out somehow, and was pleasantly pleased that she was fast and efficient. That made her my new best friend.

I followed the cop along the brightly lit corridor towards the exit, only to stagger at the sight of the familiar but unexpected face. Fujino, soaked by the heavy rain outside, stood by the counter. Her expression was ever so distant.

"Takahashi-san didn't press any charges against you, so you're free to go," the cop said as the steel bars slid shut behind us.

My blood boiled at the notion. It was pathetic enough that Fujino, the last person I wished to witness me in this pathetic state, came to bail me out. I spun around, barking at the cop. "He didn't? I'm going to press charges against him, all right!? He tried to… He—he tried to drug me! He tried to steal my purse—my suitcase—and—and not to mention—"

The cop began to say something back, but I couldn't make the words out since I responded more with louder shouts. I only stopped when Fujino dragged me out of the police station before I was sent back to prison.

Hiding under the canopy in front of a nearby ATM machine, Fujino studied me a little with her conniving gaze, the one I absolutely loathed, and handed me my grubby suitcase. She must have taken me as a drug junkie, or a whore, but I couldn't care less to give her any excuse.

I threw the suitcase to the swamping ground and opened it, uncaring since it was already mudded up during the fight with Jiro. It couldn't even be properly locked up that water easily leaked in and out now. I madly fumbled for my I.D. card along with my remaining cash, which were scattered underneath the layers of wet clothes.

_That goddamn crook took most of my money! _My fists trembled, but I stopped myself from screaming aloud in misery. Not in front of this girl. "Fuck! He took my fucking iPod, that motherfucker!" Sadly, self-control wasn't one of my strong points.

"Mai-san called me. She asked me to come and fetch you," Fujino said, standing and looming over my back.

"Yeah, I wouldn't imagine you're a telepath somehow," I grunted, hurriedly going through my belongings. My hairdryer, my boots and expensive shoes, which cost most of my savings, along with my books were anything but junks now.

Fujino knelt beside me, picking up a pair of my panties, which must have slipped out of the suitcase and onto the ground, and clutching in her fist as she spoke. Her fingers slowly slipped in and felt the soft cotton, intending for me to catch it in the act. "I heard you move out here to look for a job."

I despised it when she veiled away her perversion with that calmness on her face. I snatched my panties back, tossed it into the suitcase and slammed the lid shut. "Why, you're gonna get me one?" I spat it out.

Her eyes widened in pretentious surprise. "Shame. I'm a nobody, Yuuki." Fujino just gave me the smile that only an idiot like Kuga Natsuki would believe in its sincerity. She had made her name from only a few commercials and was settling in Tokyo to further pursue her fortune.

As soon as I heard from Mai that Fujino was offered her first movie role in 'Codename: Black' with the currently hottest actor, Ueda Kaito, after settling in Tokyo for only six months, I was insanely jealous of the opportunity. What had this girl done to deserve it?

Nothing.

Fujino Shizuru was a fake. She was simply arrogant. She took people for granted and cared for no one but Kuga. I thought that was the only sentiment her heart possessed, but her fame now even began to outshine everything Kuga used to mean to her. There were some hot gossips in our Fuuka circle that the duo hadn't talked to each other for months now. Tokyo was definitely more interesting than that boring, airhead biker who probably didn't even know how two people made babies. It was funny to think that Kuga, a class skipper, stayed behind and planned to enter some college even, while her best buddy, the student council president, was an imminent college dropout.

"I already booked a room for you at the motel I'm staying. Figured you could stay there until you find your own place." Fujino took some money off her purse and offered me. "This might get you around for a few days."

Thank God Fujino really wasn't a telepath, or she'd have taken that money back so fast. Tokyo had suddenly become nastier than I thought, and this rainy night wasn't going to get any easier. I cleared my throat, my balled hands fidgety over my wet suitcase.

Under my glare, Fujino's hand tumbled a little, lowering in reluctance. The hesitance in her eyes now was the same look when she first met my eye in the police station. It must be that horrid quietness that filled the gap between us. Even if all of us were happy again after the Carnival was over, it was hardly anything but truce between Fujino and me. We never really talked for more than a few words at a time. Thinking back now, she rarely looked at me in the eye. Was she afraid? _The_ Fujino was unsettled by me or by her ugly acts during the fiasco?

Either way, I knew I won.

She just quietly put the money in my hand and hailed a cab for us. Clutching the notes in my fist, I sprung up to my feet and hauled my broken suitcase with me, sharply pulling back when she tried to carry it.

Thirty minutes later, we reached the two-star motel, though it looked more like a guesthouse to me.

In the quiet, carpeted hallway, I stood in front of my room, she hers, which was opposite to mine. We looked at each other for a few seconds, unsure if we should deliver more mean words to each other or retire for the night.

"With all the works you're getting, I thought you already got a condo or something." I blurted out of curiosity.

"I got a shooting real early in the morning. Good night." With that, Fujino flashed the keycard and slipped into her room. I noted how dark it was, amazed that she was all alone.

My mind raced to put the pieces together as I took the hot, long shower. It struck me as odd that Fujino might still be tentative to make Tokyo home after all. She was even living alone after ditching Kuga.

I laughed to myself, letting the warm water filling up my mouth. Fujino was probably in the middle of decision making, cherishing Tokyo or rekindling with her dream girl. I'd make sure she got none of it.

The few knocks on the door snapped me out of my thoughts. Putting the white robe on, I scurried to the door, water dripping from my hair to the floor.

"Who is it?"

"It's me."

"Ho. Ho. And who is 'me'?" I made a funny face in mockery.

Silence. Fujino wasn't in the mood to play.

"Jeez, you're no fun!" Sulking, I swung the door open so fast my breast flashed from under the robe.

Fujino froze at the fleeting sight, but rapidly composed herself. Cursing under my breath, I quickly pulled the robe tighter. My teeth gritted, and she quickly cleared her throat before handing me a pile of clean clothes and a bottle of Tylenol.

"Two pills will do. Dry cleaning is on the ground floor. And…" She then slipped a Motorola cell phone into the pocket of my robe. "You could use it until you get your own."

I looked down at the things she prepared for me. She must have spotted my broken cell phone, which fell off my jacket during the fight. I grabbed the cell and held it up to inspect it. "Ew, this is last spring model."

Fujino took out a scratched, second-hand Nokia out of her pocket. It looked even more outdated than the one she offered me.

Seeing my expression, she nodded to herself and put the cell back into its previous hiding. "Very well. Now, a real good night, Yuuki."

I just watched her retreating back into her room and, by midnight, realized how I got through the rough day without saying 'Thank you' even once.

Lying on the bed, I glanced at the bottle of Tylenol, which I hadn't touched yet. Having been soaked in the rain for hours, from the fight in the street to the callously cold jail, I could feel my eyes hot and my body aching with discomfort. Deciding it was time, that Fujino was fast asleep and could not possibly hear any sound from my room, I reached for the bottle in paranoia.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

It must be her darn producer or whoever so self-important. I was green with envy, opting to ignore the call. She might get fired tomorrow.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

Fuckers. Biz people just couldn't be considerate, could they? They wanted it, and they wanted it now.

_Answer! Answer! Answer!_

"Jesus!" I heatedly grabbed the phone by the desk lamp, but stopped at the blinking words that read, 'Kuga Natsuki'.

"Good! Let it ring!" I got angrier now, tossing the phone to the end of the bed. Popping the bottle of Tylenol open, I popped two pills into my mouth and chewed them dry and fast. Fujino had at least two mobiles, and that dumb Kuga had to pick my number to harass tonight. As far as I knew, it wasn't the first call from Kuga that Fujino failed to answer, but l learned later on that it was the last.

_Love! Love! Love!_

I chewed some more pills. Okay. The call must be urgent, possibly something moronic like a declaration of love. I had the urge to storm into the room opposite to mine to wake that pale girl up so that we'd get all sleep-deprived together.

_Ring! Ring—_

"Screw you!" I reached for the mobile, but the phone stopped ringing then. It was the first time that the caller just cut the line, and I supposed it was the last for the night. I thanked Heaven for the silence and retired for the night.

The next few days went by in a rush. Running out of cash and still struggling to find a proper job in this big city, I opted not to pick up my old habit of luring men into the alleys, beating them up and stealing their money. Spending two hours in jail was more than what I bargained for. Having Fujino inform my mother of my failures was the last on my to-do list.

The other option left was to register for the Heavenly Night Call Center, ringing up my old clients, who would pay me for talking on the phone with them for hours on end. It was easy money with no hassle. No strings attached. It used to be my part-time job whenever I ran short of cash, and now seemed like one of those days again.

I didn't get to see Fujino at all, assuming she was busy shooting her debut movie with the handsome actor. I was hoping to catch a glimpse behind the scenes. Luck had it that I ran into her in the local supermarket near the motel at the end of the week. Unheeded to the passersby, we both stood in the middle of the aisle of canned food, reluctant to shorten the ten-step distance between us.

In her gray coat, Fujino looked ordinary with her hair slightly messy. She had successfully evaded any attention from the public with her no-makeup routine and plain clothes. Lightly swinging the empty basket, she took a few unsure strides towards me, and I her.

"Good evening, Yuuki…"

"Yeah, 'evening." Perking my chin up as a sign of curt greeting, I stuffed my hands in my pockets, clutching a few hundreds yens that I had left.

"It's my short break. I came back to get something I forgot… Did you have dinner yet?" She pretended to be interested in the items on the shelf, while I could sense her watching me from the corner of her eyes.

Much to my dismay, my stomach growled loudly in response.

"There's no point standing here. Let's go back to my room, shall we?" Fujino quickly grabbed a few packs of frozen food, and I could only follow her in a distance.

Fujino had only an hour to spare before she had to head back for more scenes tonight. I wondered how dominant her role was. She was supposed to be only a secondary character, just a new pretty face to serve Ueda Kaito's star power.

"Hmm. They added a few more scenes… Actually, Nobu-san had the writer rewrote the script…" She admitted over her steak, but without the arrogance I expected. She looked tired even.

It shouldn't be much of a surprise since at least four magazines on the shelf currently featuring her forlorn face on the covers. Her new series of eyewear commercials hotly grew the public interest in her. She was everywhere and nobody could look away.

"How does Ueda take it?" Raising a brow, I sipped my soup.

"He hates my guts. Well, who doesn't?" Fujino eyed me knowingly.

I flashed her back an equally shrewd smile. She laughed over the bottle of cold green tea and asked me if I'd like to tag along to the set. My wish was fulfilled.

Reaching the studio, she introduced me to her assistant, Nakano Mayu, who would be taking care of me around the set. Observing Mayu, I wondered if Fujino had a certain beauty standard in accepting an _assistant_.

"I got it. I wouldn't want you to go without it tomorrow," Fujino said, handing Mayu a lip gloss. So that must be what she went back to the motel for.

Mayu took a long look at the lip gloss in her hand. A smile graced her face as she nodded in a grateful gesture. "Should I say _Ookini_?" she shyly whispered. Having been around the model for months, Kyoto accent must be contagious somehow.

The shooting resumed.

"No! No! No! No! _NO!_" Brian Matsushita, the 57-year-old, half-American director, hot from last year's Cannes Film Festival for best director, yelled at the top of his lungs over the young actress in Ueda's arms.

Ueda rolled his eyes in boredom, letting go of Fujino like she was a hot pot, alarmed and disgusted. In turn, Fujino just stood there like a broken, telephone pole, seemingly blanked out by the director's disapproval.

"DO NOT SPEAK LIKE THAT! NO! How many times do I have to tell you!? Not with that freakin' accent! NO! I don't want a goddamn country girl in my movie! NO! Do you people understand me!? Anybody!? Am I speaking Japanese here!?" Brian turned in circle, pointing high and low at the actors and crews, and then rushed back to shout some more in Fujino's face. "I want you to be a city girl! NOW! I want you to act like a whore! NOW! I want you to act like you want to lick his balls! NOW!"

I compressed my lips to stifle my laugh when Fujino just blinked and then yawned before walking off the shooting area. The director was green in the face, barking nonstop to anybody around him, while Ueda just gave a sarcastic thumb-up to his costar's back. It was amusing to see how beautiful people were mostly assholes behind the scenes.

"YOU WILL NOT WALK AWAY FROM ME! NO!" Brian pushed one of the crews nearest to him. "GO GET HER! TELL THAT FAG TO COME BACK RIGHT NOW, OR SHE'LL BE REPLACED!"

The poor crew didn't make more than a few steps ahead before Fujino spun on her heels and ran back to the director, sliding on the floor to kneel right in front of him.

"I'm back, Brian-san! I'm back!" Fujino grabbed his legs, startling the old man. "Please, for the love of God, I need this job! I don't want to end up in the streets and—and I can't go back to my hometown like this! I'll do whatever—I'll speak it! I'll kiss—I'll fuck the way you want! Please!"

"You're still talking in that goddamn accent!" The director tried to back away from the girl.

Swearing under her breath, Fujino sprung up to her feet, sharply rolling her shoulders to loosen her jacket. Snatching the cigarette from a crew's mouth, she put it between her full lips, squinting in the pool of hot spotlights. In an easy feat, she could almost pass as a female Marlon Brando in his prime.

With a brooding look, Fujino circled around the bewildered director, hissing in his neck and babbling in fast tongue as she waved her hands in the air like a frantic Italian. Suddenly, she was possessed by the spirit of a Sicilian Mafia with the accent memorable from the Godfather trilogy.

The whole set was rolling in laughter. Nobody knew which direction this bizarre actress would take, but the temperature of the room kept rising and dropping, leaving us all chilled and anxious for her next move.

It wasn't over yet. It wasn't enough. The actress was on fire. She jumped onto the speaker, leaping from one to the other as she crooned 'Loco Amor' in perfect Spanish accent. Even if we couldn't understand its meaning, her melodic voice succeeded to delve us all into the painful hollowness of 'Crazy Love'.

When we were about to shed tears for the musical, tragic romance, she changed into a fast, jovial tune, switching her accent to South African English to strong Russian to thick Indian British. She was a natural chameleon. She was born to be 'someone else'.

The spectacle ended with a small, broken rap that would have earned Mike Shinoda's amused smile, Fujino came to stop in front of the wide-eyed director and spoke with a perfectly urban Japanese accent.

"Sad to say that you're fired," she stated in all her rights, assuming her utter importance.

After three weeks of suppressed frustration, the intentional use of undesired accent, the deliberate delivery of wooden acting, and, possibly, understated power struggle, the arrogant actress and the furious director stood face to face, their gazes locked in a deadly glare.

Just when the set became dead quiet, Suzushiro Nobu emerged from behind the crews, his shoulders shaking as he wiped his tears at the same time. The producer happened to find it awfully amusing, and only then that others began to laugh along with him.

Fujino's display prematurely ended the shooting that night, and we decided to stop by a ramen place before hitting the motel.

At the bamboo counter, we sat next to each other, a large bowl for each of us. I kept stealing glances at her over my ramen as she watched the TV stationed overhead the cook. National Geographic was on.

"Hmm… I… I tend to hum—when I get nervous," Fujino admitted over her food, her gaze dropping. It wasn't a hum, to say the least.

While Nobu was having a talk with the upset director, Fujino hid herself in the dark corner of the studio, slightly shaken, beads of sweat formed on her pale face. I must have mistaken her with the actress who had just rebel against her director, because I saw only a helpless teenage girl there. She hadn't realized what she'd done, who she really was, or even what she was capable of. She might not always use her energy wisely, but that was how she found herself on stage, struggling to secure her place in the real world.

"Come on. You were cool," I said, inwardly growling at my own encouragement that rarely ever happened. I then added with a laugh, "You got the bastard fired!" Fujino put on the brave front tonight while expecting to get fired herself. Like they said, you could win over anything but luck.

"Transferred," she corrected.

I shrugged. "Nicely put."

For a newcomer who hadn't been in a single movie, she succeeded to get Nobu to transfer the director to another movie. Nobody knew how she did it, but she just did it. And here she was, giggling at the TV like a child when a mother panda tripped over its baby.

"Where did the rap and shit come from? I kind of expected you to dance in that stupid kimono." Drumming my fingers on my full stomach, I took a sip of hot tea, mentally debating if I should order one more bowl.

"That should explain why I often left school matters to Haruka. I got too much time to kill," Fujino said with a tittering laugh.

"Rapping with the orphans?" I laughed aloud at the vision in my head.

But it must have been a foul joke that she just fell silent. It was best not to bring up any subject matter involving _the_ past. Damage was done, and we cherished our new lives too much to risk the fresh wound.

On the walk back to the motel, we remained quiet, noticing people walking past and around us but unable to separate ourselves from the strangers. We were faceless creatures, just another empty shells moving through the night of this lively city.

Reaching the motel, I hastily retreated to my room, forgetting to thank her again for the meal.

The night was still young for me as I occupied my bed, responding to two clients. The job paid quite well as my only investment was late night coffee. Between me and the clients, we'd make up names to avoid identity blackmail. My clients ranged from dorky boys, who couldn't get girls to date, to perverted old men, who loved to fantasize my sensual voice, to bored housewives, who were desperate to seek female companions behind their husbands' back. The world was full of tricks and deceits, and I somehow felt belonged to be a part of it. Looking at them, I wasn't so bad after all.

But once in a long while, some nice people did show up with the same pain that mirrored mine. It was strange how I could share my misery back with some clients.

'Widowmaker. Line 2. Please wait.' At the automatic voicemail, I waited. Each call would be transferred through the call center, preventing the risk of revealing the real number. I even bought a new SIM card, not wanting to let anyone know that this was actually a famous model's phone number.

_Huh, maybe I could sell it for some cash…_

At four o'clock in the morning, the enthusiasm of receiving a nicknamed caller, 'Penumbra', whom I began to frequent back in school days, rid me completely of the fatigue.

'Don't say anything yet. Life sucks, but I'm back. You still like me, don't you?'

Grinning, I inwardly sighed in relief. It was good to hear from a friend again. While everyone else in the world even the anti-social like Kuga had a friend, I got only a handful of complete strangers to confide in. People would have laughed at me if they knew, and even I found it bitterly funny.

'How's your mom? School? Clubs? Ah, never mind those questions. Let's get straight to the more exciting stuff. Any boyfriend yet?'

Rolling on the bed, I stuck my tongue out. "I dropped it! Oh, I meant 'school', ha. It's only temporary though. Mom's fine. But, nope, no boyfriend. Relationship is for boring people. No offense. Oh, hey, I'm in Tokyo now! Imagine that! I'm going to be an actress!" I spoke with such excitement and conviction.

'That's awesome! Can I have your autograph in advance?'

I laughed. "What's that noise? How's it going for you, by the way?"

'Sorry—uh—it's my music. Don't we all just love music…? Oh, yes, it's been tough, but I'll get through. Believe me that it sucks to be—'

"_It sucks to be us!_" We both chanted in unison, chortling with each other. It used to be our life slogan, the secret code that only the two of us understood. Our call lasted for an hour before we bid good night.

It was the first happy night for me in Tokyo, and by morning, I was even merrier when I spotted Fujino's credit card slipped under the door. A small note that came with it read, 'Until you get a job'. Everyone had a weakness, even the perfect Fujino who could rap her director into oblivion. No doubt that the girl still felt guilty over her HiME lunacy, and I wasn't going to let the chance slip away. I took the shower, dressed up the best I could because I felt wonderful, and went out shopping like crazy. Tokyo wasn't so bad after all.

"I am her mother. Please let me talk to her," a woman, most likely in her early forties, pleaded to the security guard. The two were standing in the hallway in front of Fujino's room when I returned with several shopping bags.

The guard looked hesitant. "But, ma'am, we can't—"

"Get her to leave now!"

That was the first time I ever heard the former student council president yelled so in graceless manner. And I wasn't about to pry, entering my room without asking.

After I tried on all my new clothes and shoes to adore myself in the mirror, I went down to get some dinner from the supermarket a block away. Upon returning, Mrs. Fujino was still in front of the motel, a carry-on luggage in her hand. I would have just walked past her if not because of the forlorn look in her dark eyes that reminded me of my own mother's.

Inwardly grumbling with a heavy heart, I turned and walked up to her. "May I help you?"

Mrs. Fujino looked up, almost scared. It was the same flash of fear that I caught in Fujino's eyes, and it was the only thing they had in common. The woman was quite a few inches shorter than her daughter. Her skin was naturally darker, her brunette hair sporting some gray. Though she was in no way hideous, Fujino must have gotten her extraordinary traits from her father.

"I'm her friend—I mean I'm your daughter's friend."

"You… Are you Natsuki-chan?"

I knitted my brows. The chestnut-haired girl must have mentioned her former crush to her mother quite a few times that the woman recalled the name right off the bat.

I grinned. "How can I help you tonight?"

I took Mrs. Fujino in and treated her a nice dinner with her own daughter's money. In return, she treated me some beer and rice wine she got from the supermarket.

"Thank you so much," Mrs. Fujino muttered, seated by the small, round table.

I sat myself at the end of the bed, smiling. "No problem. You want me to get her here?"

Mrs. Fujino's head shot up. "Oh, no! Please, no… She'd be so angry if she knew…"

"Okay. Whatever." I mildly shrugged, not wanting to upset the woman anymore tonight.

Mrs. Fujino looked down for a long while, thoughts clouding her dark gaze.

"We… It was a terrible fight, Natsuki-chan… I—I'm telling you this because I know that she trusts you."

"Of course, she does," eyes narrowed, I said with a confident, but gentle voice, the professional tone that had won many clients' hearts.

"I… I filed for divorce from my husband about six months ago. It was awful." She shook her head, biting her lips. "Shizuru-chan came back to Kyoto, trying to sort things out for us, but… it only got worse. Then one day she just packed up and left. She just disappeared… I caught her on TV later on, but only found out about her staying here from an old neighbor of mine who still keeps in touch with her."

The woman looked up at me, and smiled, though faintly. "I'm so glad to see you here, Natsuki-chan. I'm very worried about her. Will you be her friend? Will you make sure she'll be all right?"

Raising my brows, I automatically straightened myself up in my pose, unwilling to promise anything. The information came rather startling—a tad too personal for me to get involved.

Mrs. Fujino rushed to me and clutched my hands. "I cannot reach her now, but I don't want her to be alone. She's so sad. She's still just a child."

"Err—I—I think she's old enough to take—"

The woman adamantly shook her head. "She's my only child. Please? She didn't have many friends, I could tell. She never talked about anyone but you."

"But—she can—she can take care of herself—Umm—" I stuttered, and then decided to shut up, not daring to take my hands off hers for fear that she might burst into tears.

Her cheeks reddened from a little too much sake, Mrs. Fujino smiled to herself, her eyes widened with life and energy. "Shizuru-chan was… She was a strange, but sweet kid, nonetheless. She'd ace any exam when she felt like it, or simply failed them all just to see my reaction." The woman chortled. "Oh, I spanked her really hard the first time around, but—but it didn't stop her. She did it again. I countered her challenge by treating her chocolate bars and plums. Those were her favorites. She never failed any class again. It was my fault that I never rewarded her anything when she topped the classes!"

"Weirdo," I mumbled, but quickly faked a friendly smile when Mrs. Fujino blinked at my remark.

As the night went on, Mrs. Fujino sat next to me on the bed with the bottle of sake in her hand, carried away by the happy old days. "She used to be a chatterbox, a very lovely, sociable girl," the old woman said, nodding.

Chuckling, I couldn't help but wonder where the quiet, tea-sipping routine came from.

"It was until she turned twelve. Something happened then, but I still don't know what…"

I snapped my fingers. "Puberty! She found out she's a fag, that's why."

"Pardon?" The woman looked confused, and I was relieved that she'd had too much alcohol to catch my words.

"Oh, yes, teenage years can be a very frustrating time, I understand completely," I said, smiling sweetly.

"I thought so, but she just… she became a recluse, which worried me greatly. I caught her talking to herself in the mirror or—or to the trees when she cared for the garden… She was so focused… almost trapped in her own little world that sometimes she wouldn't talk to anybody for a week straight. She even developed a phobia for snakes. She vomited, or even fainted when we took her to the zoo. It was strange. She was never afraid of anything before."

I took in a sharp breath at this. Mrs. Fujino obviously knew nothing of the strangest thing that was born with her daughter. Who would believe us now if we told them of our unwanted talents? It was a nightmare, a horrid tale untold. It was a life away, in which we gladly left behind.

Of course, Fujino feared nothing but herself, _that_ fear, which none other but us could understand.

When the alcohol limit was hit, Mrs. Fujino's head flopped to rest against my shoulder, her lips mumbling. "It got worse and worse until we sent her to Fuuka Academy. I—I didn't want her to go, but we didn't know what to do. She called home from time to time. Her grades were quite good that we thought she was growing out of whatever problem she might have. She did, didn't she…?" Mrs. Fujino looked up at me, silent begging for the answer she was desperate to hear.

I knew only one way to respond to a motherly love, and that was a childlike smile. But as I grew older, those smiles were nothing but self-inflicted pain. I'd smile at my mother's stiff body. I'd pour out the spite I reserved for just anybody I came across as I fought my way into the hospital room when the nurses grew impatient of my untimely visits at night, just to smile at mother's bedside. I'd smile when I meandered alone in the alleys, failing to lure any victim, just to befriend the sharp night wind that no one else felt but me.

"Of course, Mrs. Fujino. She was the best student council president we've ever had. She even had her own fan club! Everyone adored her."

Legs crossed comfortably, I looked out the window to the city view below. My smile prompted the woman to sigh in relief. She had no idea that her daughter never grew out of it. She didn't know that her daughter died in the midst of madness, only to reborn again to another nightmare she was putting her through. She couldn't have imagined just what our supposedly most important persons did to us all.

Her eyes closed, Mrs. Fujino's hand tightened on mine. "My baby. My love… Oh, please, Natsuki-chan, would you be kind to her?"

I brushed my nose, staring up at the ceiling. "Maybe… Maybe I could use a friend…"

_A friend…? I'll be damned…_

That night, I watched the tired woman murmuring her daughter's name in her teary sleep. A cold beer in my hand, I had the cell phone near me even though I wasn't in the mood to receive any client tonight.

Luckily, only one call came in, and I thanked God that it was 'Chess', another friendly caller I frequented over the past year. The call lasted for an hour, and I hoped that I sounded cheerful. I sounded supportive and strong, while I just bent and crawled inside. I befriended the poor soul as I pondered endlessly if there was anyone out there who might return me the favor.

Apparently, kindness never came easy.

Sipping the beer, I looked at the door to my room, imagining the other door across the hallway. No one else in the world could have felt the same terror and isolation like we did, but then there was that hallway that set us apart—that thin line that prevented people from reaching out for each other. And we just watched days go by, living our lives for nothing. No one.

"Mom?" I dialed up my mother's home at three in the morning, but she shook off her sleep rather fast. "Yep, it's me. It's my new number—yeah, yes, I'm fine!" I quickly moved into the bathroom as not to disturb Mrs. Fujino.

"No! School is boring! I'm gonna get a job soon… Oh, mom…! No! I'm doing fine here! I'm with a friend, and she's helping me out… Uh—she was in our school, yeah…" I boasted a bit of information about the former student council president to acquire my mother's temporary relief. "She's taking good care of me. Don't you worry, ok…? Yeah, I'll do that… Ok… Next month…? Fine. Ok… Ok! Is that all?"

'One more thing, I love you, my sweet, little Nao.'

At those words, I stood up from the toilet seat. My feet were cold at the touch of the smooth, stony floor, but it felt warm all over inside. I let out a muted laugh of joy. "I miss you, mom."

The next morning greeted Fujino with loud banging on her door, but the girl wouldn't answer. Having called the assistant prior, I was certain that Fujino was still in the motel. She was on a break this week since the producer was still picking a new director.

"Please, Shizuru-chan, I need to see you." Mrs. Fujino pleaded to the closed door to her daughter's room, occasionally glancing back at me.

I waved, urging her to continue. "Louder. Louder."

"I—I'm here with Natsuki-chan! She—she thinks we should talk!" Mrs. Fujino followed the script I planned for her in the morning.

It was too easy. Fujino swung the door open right away, looking into the hallway for a sign of her best friend.

_Aww, how sad!_

When the puzzled Fujino turned to me for an explanation, I put up a grin and moved beside her, slipping my hand around her arm. "Rise and shine, my dear. Let's go have breakfast together."

Realized she had been played, Fujino tried to brush my hand off, but I tightened my grip.

Mrs. Fujino took a step back as she sensed her daughter's anger. Oh, the woman had no idea how terrifying her daughter could be when she was truly furious.

I then pushed Fujino into her room to have a quiet chat before she could botch my plan.

"What are you doing? Did you let her stay with you last night?" Behind the door, Fujino spun around to face me. Her voice was calm as always, but her gaze suggested otherwise. "Get out of here. Go back to Fuuka. I'm going to cancel your room—"

"Then I'm staying here with you. Your choice," I said with a shrug, and that somehow succeeded to stop her from pushing the operator button.

Staring at me, she shook her head with authority. "You will not stay with me, and you will make that woman go away."

"She's your mother. _You_ make her go away."

Closing her eyes for a second, she spoke through her gritted teeth. Somehow, she took my gesture as a little payback. "I'm not in the mood to play with you. You took her in. It's your responsibility—"

"She just wants to spend some times with you—"

Fujino just wouldn't take it. She grabbed my arm, pulling me to the door, but I fought back before she could throw me into the hallway.

"Yuuki, I'm not going to repeat myself—"

"You don't know what you're doing. I lost my mother once, and I know nobody deserves that pain."

At the words, Fujino froze in her pose. Her hand eventually dropped.

Leaning back against the door, I crossed my arms across my chest. "We had a long chat last night. It was her talking, mostly."

She distanced herself from me, her gaze scrutinizing. We weren't the best of friends, but more like the worst of enemies. It didn't surprise me that she doubted my seemingly good intention.

"And… I could see just how much—how she is truly sorry and… God, I'm not doing this for you, just so you know." I gestured back at the door. Mrs. Fujino was still waiting in the hallway.

After a long, quiet moment, Fujino looked away and let out a heavy sigh. "I can't believe she told you."

Moving towards her, I merrily slipped my hand around her arm again. "I couldn't believe you were a chatterbox either." Her eyes widened, nervous of what more her mother might have let out. "Aw, let's get all sweet again, shall we? Let's be best friends today?" I grinned as I successfully hauled her to the door.

Fujino paused as soon as we got off the taxi and stood in front of an amusement park. Children, accompanied by their guardians, and teenagers flocked through the colorful-balloons decorated gate, chattering loudly.

Before she could turn away, I pulled her back to the previous spot. "Where do you think you're going?" I must have had the nastiest grin on my face when I caught her frantic gaze searching for the taxi we had just gotten off.

She glared back. "But you got an old woman here."

"An elderly and a child. How fitting."

At my remark, she sharply pulled her arm back. Taking in a deep breath, she marched forth into the park. But with the brave front she was putting up, all she did was getting two caramel-dipped apples (all for herself), while following me around with no intention to get on any carnival ride, or talking to her mother for the matter. She just ate and turned a blind eye to everything around her.

It was one thing to walk along the streets and be occasionally flattered by strangers' admiring gaze. But it was far more exciting to be the center of attention every step you took, and it was true when walking side by side the young model. While Fujino just kept her attention on the sweets, paying no mind to the constant looks from passersby, I immensely enjoyed the spotlight.

With both her hands full, I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around her and put my hands on her tight ass, fumbling for a purse in the back pocket of her jeans. People were giggling at us, and I took my time. I chortled when she could only glower at me, growling in her throat with a big bite of the sweet apple in her mouth.

"Found it," I said with a wink, picking the purse off the pocket and sprinting to the ticket counter. I bought the full-option tickets for three. We could get on any ride for as many times as we wanted.

"I'm staying here," Fujino stated clamly.

I turned from the ticket counter and horror washed over my face when I saw a hot bag of jumbo-size popcorn in her hands. "Jeez, you pig. Shouldn't you be a little more careful with what you eat?"

Fujino just popped some more popcorn into her mouth. She didn't seem to care. In fact, she didn't even care to dress up. All her clothes that I had seen were rather cheap and plain. I even brought more from Fuuka than what she had in the closet now.

"Whatever. But your mommy is coming with me." I pushed through and grabbed Mrs. Fujino's hand. The woman timidly glanced between her daughter and me, unsure whom to please.

"She's too old for this. Yes, definitely too old for this. Hmm." Fujino kept her face calm, talking as if the old woman wasn't even there. But for all the cold front she put on, she followed us to the rollercoaster line, finishing the popcorn even before our turn.

It dawned on me now that the graceful icon of Fuuka Academy not only sang when nervous, but ate like a cow as well. For all the kung fu fighting and slaying monsters in the old days, I'd never have expected her to fear carnival rides. But one never knew when it was Fujino. She appeared and vanished when you least expected it. She could give you anything with no hesitation, or just take everything you ever had without conviction. She loved and hated like no one could.

And she probably had a box of chocolate hidden somewhere in the student council room that even Suzushiro Haruka never caught it.

It was our turn. Fujino grumpily sat herself next to me, leaving her mother to the row behind us. I shook my head in shame. Her persistence only reminded me of Kuga, and I started to ponder how alike and different the two were. No wonder they still hadn't talked after all these months. I remembered that Kuga did call once, but Fujino? Great. As long as I was her best friend here, I owned the purse.

The rollercoaster sped up and, as I feared, the singing began, as a humming at first but then intensified into an opera concerto that the people in the rows before us turned to glance at us in absolute terror.

Embarrassed, I slapped my hand over her face. "Shut your fucking mouth!"

Nodding adamantly, Fujino bit my fingers until the ride was over.

"Gosh! Let go! I said, 'Let go'!" I tried to yank my hand off her mouth when the cars skidded to stop along the platform again. It was one of the few times that I did not like being in the spotlight. People were gawking at us, murmuring and pointing.

Apathetic to the onlookers, Fujino unfashionably licked my fingers before releasing them. "They're salty," she commented loudly with a smirk on her face. And I only realized then that she never had the fear for carnival rides. It was only to humiliate me for being nosy about her family matter. Fine! I'd take anything that was free.

I jumped off the car and pointed up at the sky with my redden finger. "To the next ride!" My announcement garnered the bewildered look from poor Mrs. Fujino.

Though Fujino still kept her silence, she offered a hand to pull her mother onto the platform, but immediately released the woman's hand as soon as they were both firm on the ground.

After another wild ride, I decided to give Mrs. Fujino a break. She appeared fine, almost eager now, but I wouldn't want to rush it. When the clouds started to gather into one vicious gray wall above, we headed to the giant carousel instead. Mrs. Fujino relaxed on the back of the red-haired mermaid, muted in her shameful love. A hand gripping the vertical rail, Fujino looked almost distraught on the black horse, uncertain where the fiery steed would lead her. And, I, contented with a can of coke in my hand, seated myself in Cinderella's pumpkin, hoping that I'd still have the credit card when midnight turned.

"Do you come here often, Natsuki-chan?" Mrs. Fujino asked.

I looked up and caught a brief glance from Fujino. "Nope. It's our first date here. Right, Shizuru?" I then laughed at her glare. The girl still wouldn't interact in any way, not even to correct me.

Mrs. Fujino was dumbfounded. "A… a date?"

"A friendly date," I said, narrowing my eyes.

"Ah." Mrs. Fujino nodded, but did not look very convinced.

Fujino just puffed, gobbling up the pink cotton candy.

Mrs. Fujino took one glance at her daughter, but dared not to carry on the subject. A mother always somewhat sensed what went on with her children, but the reason for silence was possibly her own fear to confront the truth. The Fujino family had too much on their plate right now that it was appropriate to drop the inquisition. For now.

"Wait…what…" Fujino griped in a hushed tone when the black horse, along with some others, suddenly turned 180 degrees, prompting her to face the mermaid now. I did very little to suppress my laugh at the sarcastic expression of 'Great!' on her face.

Taking my eyes from the grumbling knight on the stallion, I turned to Mrs. Fujino. "How do you like the rides so far? Are you all right with it?"

The old woman smiled warmly. "It's been very exciting. Thank you, Natsuki-chan."

I extended my leg out of the pumpkin to tap against the horse's butt. "She here seems to enjoy it, too. Right? Right, Shizuru?"

No reaction. Fujino was racing against time to finish the cotton candy before the ride was over.

Mrs. Fujino had an eager smile on her face, but then her lips slowly lost its curl and her face saddened. "Uh… Yes… Yes, Shizuru-chan loved carnival rides. She would… She used to go to amusement parks every other weekend. I preferred her to stay home and do homework, but she insisted that without the seasick, she'd be too calm to think. She always had her way." Mrs. Fujino spoke quietly, her gaze drifting out the drizzle that had built up into a downpour.

Suddenly, Fujino seemed to have lost interest in the candy. With the sticky stain of sweets on her cheeks, she just stared at it, absorbed and lost in the colorful cloud in her hand. She did not object her mother in telling the story. She did not move or speak. Perhaps, it was something she had forgotten long ago that she couldn't tell if it was anybody important.

"She loved the height, the speed and the laughter it brought. She'd ask to be lifted up by the hands and swung her around… spinning around and around, and she'd laugh," Mrs. Fujino continued. "She loved to be in constant motion, you see. She'd chase and then hide… She loved to love and be loved…" The woman tittered and said, "And I only remembered all of this the day I left my husband…"

In the quietness amidst the dreamy melody blaring from the speakers atop the carousel, Fujino just bent forward, burying her face in her arms, resting against the horse. She was perfectly still that I couldn't tell if she was crying or even breathing. Only the carousel was in motion. Only time that would not stop turning.

Mrs. Fujino watched her daughter with tears in her eyes, but made no move to get off the mermaid. There was the land she was meant to go. "I never wanted to hurt anyone, but… but sometimes people lost their ways… sometimes… and there's the path each of us must follow…"

Ignoring the drizzles of rain along my arm, I lifted my right hand up to observe my polished nails. It took me a few moments before I asked, "…You're ready to go on even if your path may never meet hers again?" My curiosity always came out cold.

Mrs. Fujino's reply came in a murmur. "We'll meet again… when we're both hurt and healed."

And I realized then that Fujino and her mother had more in common other than fear. Though born a generation apart, their journeys began together. They just couldn't run away anymore.

The carousel eventually ceased to move. We got off our fairytale ride and stood by the platform against the angry storm. When the water level rose to an inch, there wasn't a point to wait any longer. Fujino took off her jacket and hover it above her mother's head, and her soft pull motioned me to come close. Close enough that her perfume bothered my senses, the trails of rain trickling down her neck nearly dripped into my eyes. Without much thought, I wrapped one arm around her waist, sensing her shiver from the cold, my other hand clutching, almost pulling the front of her soaking, white t-shirt. Under the jacket, the three of us walked through the rain and left.

Having made a stop at the motel to get Mrs. Fujino's belonging, it was still raining when we reached the train station. Not a word had been said since we left the amusement park. Along the platform, we stood by the open door of the Shinkansen, idled by the cold air, but secretly thrilled at the thought of a clearer sky after the storm. When the train operator announced its departure, Fujino handed the luggage to her mother, the woman promptly accepting and nodding.

Mrs. Fujino entered the train and looked back with the longing and determination in her eyes. I glanced at the pale girl beside me, my heart beating faster in anticipation. But Fujino didn't do so much as to stare back at the woman with her impassive gaze, her hands rolled into a ball in the pockets of her jeans.

The last announcement for departure came and, as unemotionally as always, Fujino took her attention off her mother and pulled out her cell phone, seemingly ready to get on with her business. I almost growled at her stubbornness, only to be taken aback when I caught Mrs. Fujino's cell phone ringing.

Fujino looked up again. "When we're both hurt and healed," she said, flipping her cell phone close.

The door to the train slid shut. Clutching her phone, Mrs. Fujino leapt to the window, pressing in to get a clearer look at her daughter. A small smile of hope flashed across her face before the train left the platform.

When Fujino's hands were free from the suitcase, I gave her back the soaked jacket. As we walked off the station, the sky began to rid itself off the gray. I squinted up to the bright light, Fujino glancing my way and smiling.

"What?" I sulked. My extra sensitive consciousness hated it when people found me funny without an explanation.

Fujino just marched ahead into the busy street, and I followed to match with her pace, not entirely blinded by the sight of milling crowd ahead, but perhaps by the little contentment sprung from my first achievement in Tokyo.

Fujino's first, golden accomplishment in the big city was finally becoming into reality. The filming of 'Codename: Black' was set to wrap in two weeks. It had been going smoothly since Brian was gone, and Ueda was the problem that grew less in concern each day passed. All attention was spent on the young actress instead. I didn't want to believe that Fujino had calculated beforehand that this movie was Nobu's master plan for her. 'Codename: Black' was an action-pack movie, the genre that didn't require audiences to think much but to be there and enjoy the sexy look from the actress from time to time, all muddy, hot and sweaty.

She was right: everyone was replaceable but her.

In her motel room, where I began to frequent as of late, I bounced on the bed with a rainbow-colored lollipop, gaining weights as my full-time job.

"Ara…" Fujino grumbled in front of her laptop over the loss of a game of Dominoes. It'd astonished me that not only she was staying in a less-than-five-star motel, this laptop worked like an old horse, ready to die any second. It was very likely secondhand, an older model than the one she used to have in Fuuka. It was even a greater wonder to me that she'd rather spend her time sipping tea and playing games online instead of partying with other celebrities and getting all sexed up to get more jobs.

Lazily, I flipped through the small booklet for a rent somewhere in the outskirt of Tokyo. But the future did not look so bright after all; I first needed to land a few jobs in order to get my own place.

Fujino's brows then came together in a serious look as she checked her email inbox for the fifth time in an hour. "Hmm. Nobody misses me."

My phone rang, and I gave her a smirk. "Looks who's popular here." Picking up the phone, I tossed away the booklet.

Fujino shot me a sideway glance, finishing her tea and starting another game.

"Mai? Good gracious…! Yeah, I'm fine… Right, I'll make sure you'll get it by tomorrow morning… Oh, yeah, that's right… Did she tell you that…? Uh-huh… That's cool…" As I lied on the bed, sucking the lollipop, I failed not to take note of Fujino's expression. Nothing unexpected; it was always unreadable. "How's everything over there? How's Kuga?"

Fujino scratched her neck at my last question, but appeared uninterested.

"Oooooh, my! Really!? I can't believe this!"

Fujino rubbed her eyes a few times, fixing her gaze on the screen still.

"Woooooooow! How cute! She's so lucky!"

Fujino cleared her throat, and then got all cranky why the mouse wasn't working. Of course, she wouldn't know. She was so anxious about the content of my phone conversation that she started clicking the right mouse button instead.

"Awwwwwwwww! They must look lovely together! Send me some pictures!"

Shooting up to her feet, Fujino pushed the chair out of her way and stalked across the room to get her jacket.

Springing up from the bed, I put my hand over the cell phone for a second, preventing Mai from hearing. "Where are you going!?" I hissed.

"I'm going to get a new mouse. Send my regards." With that, Fujino left the room.

I sank back down on the bed and pressed the phone closer to my ear. "Oh, my God. How did this happen? Who is he? How did they meet?"

'He's—uh—a classmate of mine.' Mai sounded a little guilty over it, but I figured I wasn't the first to know this bit of gossip. This was probably the only downfall for having been away from Fuuka. 'I just thought he's a nice guy, and he's cute. Loads of girls fancy him. Yuuichi knows him, too. He's already in college, and I thought that he might be mature enough to deal with Natsuki. She seems to be Okay with him.'

"Oh, she is?"

'Well, you could say that she's been better than the past months. She's hanging out with us again, which is good. Not just staying home or watching the same DVD every night. So I guess that's an improvement.'

I cocked my head to the side, sincerely amazed. "Gee, was she that bad?"

'How's Shizuru-san? Would you please tell her to give Natsuki a call?'

I knitted my brows. "Why wouldn't you tell her yourself?"

'Umm—why wouldn't you?'

"Why wouldn't you?"

In some way, Fujino's aloof exterior managed to fend off people to an extent. Kuga used to be the only one who could penetrate through her shell, but ironically, the girl needed help now.

'Because you're with her, Nao-chan,' Mai said. 'It's just easier. Plus, I don't really want to nag Shizuru-san to do something she doesn't want to.'

"See. If she doesn't want to call, she won't call. Who am I to tell her to do anything?"

'But—but it wasn't supposed to be this way—'

"Do not take back what you've done, Tokiha Mai!" I laughed.

Exasperated, Mai wondered aloud. 'Why wouldn't she just call? Now, I'm not sure if they fought or something. Natsuki wouldn't say anything.'

I didn't know how to explain it without revealing Fujino's dilemma. While Fujino ran away to seek solitude, unintentionally carried away by the world's challenge, Kuga lost the will to wait. But it did little to astonish me. We were young and fickle, and reality had not always been kind.

"Don't you think Kuga is better off with a guy? I doubt Fujino just wanted to be her fucking roommate for the rest of her life." I sucked the lollipop dry.

'You may be right. I don't even know if Natsuki just misses a friend or… Oh… ' Mai became quiet for a moment and then whispered, 'I have to go now, Nao-chan. She's here. Talk to you later.'

Fujino returned a few hours later with a box of PlayStation 3 and a few games. That thing had to be the most expensive and _new_ of all her possessions here. It was what stress could do to people: shopping.

Without a word, she hooked up the machine and started playing a boxing game, getting all grouchy and violent. I sat myself next to her and joined the game without an invitation I never needed. She only grew more upset when I beat her in every match that I couldn't stop laughing.

"Go back to school, Yuuki. There's nothing for you to do here," Fujino said, her gaze fixing on the TV screen. Now, she wanted to rid the world of everyone, ready to go into seclusion again.

"I promised mom to go back soon, but I could use a little cash before going home." Giggling, I gave her 'Ali' a hard punch in the face, beating her with a K.O. again.

She put the console down, glaring at me. "Maybe I should send her last month's credit card bill to let her know what you've been up to."

"Oh, come on. Don't take out your frustration on me. I got some news concerning Kuga, by the way," I said and winked, causing her to tense up all of a sudden.

I demanded a job in exchange of the bit of phone conversation I just had with Mai. Fujino didn't exactly comply outright, but she got me a small advertisement job a week later, thanked to Mayu, the endearing assistant of hers. As promised, I returned Fujino with the cover-up story of Kuga having a nice and cozy picnic with Yukariko-san's baby instead. She seemed to buy it, relieved that nothing out of ordinary was going on with her best friend.

By the time 'Codename: Black' was wrapped, the public demand for the taciturn model was out of control. Endless calls from various magazines, TV shows and famous brands of just about anything the market had, inundated Nobu with requests for an interview or even just a glimpse of the young model in flesh. Ueda Kaito went mad to have been billed alongside, not above, the no-name actress.

'This is where it happened, right in front of the 11th Suzushiro Medallion Production Studio, where cameras and photographs are strictly prohibited. We believe that the notorious, 5-second video clip of the model caught coming out of the main entrance was taken from this very spot. The said video clip had unbelievable number of downloads in just a few hours after uploading that it crashed Youtube, unfortunately,' a beautiful, Channel 5 reporter spoke to the camera.

That was supposed to be all the news was. However, all false was laid upon the cameraman.

Thinking the camera was already killed, the reporter turned to her peer. 'What's her name again?'

After a while, the cameraman replied, 'Don't know. It starts with 'S' though.'

'_S_? She's American?'

'Don't know. Probably some Euro trash.'

The meaningless banter between the reporter and the cameraman was aired that night, and by next morning, the whole nation knew the model by the letter only. The production house insisted Nobu have the film changed its title to 'She' to accompany the rise of 'S'.

The star was born.

"I hope you remember that the movie premier is tomorrow night, S-san," Nobu said, gaily pacing around his office to sort out some documents from the rows of untidy shelves.

Seated beside the actress, I glanced at her at the name the producer suddenly produced to call upon her. Fujino compressed her lips as not to laugh aloud.

"But we decided to have some little fun tonight. There will be a private party for the casts and crews at Ueda-kun's penthouse. You're invited as well, Yuuki-chan." Nobu turned to grin at us. I also got the golden treatment for being a friend of 'S'.

"NO PARTY! ABSOLUTELY NO PARTY!" Haruka burst through the door, and we wondered just how much of the conversation she overheard us from outside the door. Probably not much. "THAT BASTARD—"

"Haruka-chan, not here!" Yukino hurriedly moved beside her friend, shooing her to keep her voice down. The clerks out in the hallway were glancing at them.

"Oh, Haruka, you're here." Nobu smiled fretfully.

Haruka paid no attention to her uncle, entered the office and slammed the door behind Yukino. "That bastard hates you, and I suspect illegal activities, or even harmful intent to hurt you or your reputation. You are not allowed to go," Haruka said with finality.

"Umm, S-san, Ueda-kun cannot possibly plan to hurt you. He'd be your—umm—your date at the premiere—"

"Date!?" Haruka and I blurted out in unison, almost in disgust.

Fujino carelessly spun on the revolving chair to face me. "You want him for yourself? You got it," she said and then stood up. On her way out, she greeted Yukino and both of them just left together. Haruka and I gave one look at Nobu and scurried after them.

"Please remember the premiere!" That was the last thing we heard from Nobu's office.

It was almost six o'clock when the four of us strolled along the street just outside Nobu's building. Yukino thought up a plan and took us to a nice, alfresco bistro on top of a skyscraper. I wouldn't have been allowed to get in (for my sandals) if not because of Haruka's influential surname.

"To your last day of freedom." Yukino flashed an eager smile, raising the glass of champagne.

By the time 'She' was released tomorrow, Fujino would no longer be her own master but the public's person. Without much thought, she raised her glass with a wide smile, her gaze looking unfamiliarly soft under the pool of yellow light from the fancy lamps decorated along the deck. She was impossibly ecstatic, giddy like a child in her chair, talking more than usual. The film was a big step, and she had all the reasons in the world to be proud of herself. For once, she let people in on her true feelings and, more importantly, let herself liking who she was.

"Cheers!" Four of us softly clinked our glasses against one another.

We proceeded to order some food, admiring the marvelous, night view of Tokyo in the meanwhile.

"What are you going to do with Ueda-san tomorrow? Will you go to the premiere?" Yukino asked Fujino in concern, but almost choked on her drink when the blonde girl interrupted.

"THAT IS NOT A QUESTION. SHE MUST ATTEND THE PREMIERE," Haruka declared.

Other customers briefly glanced at our table, but returned their attention back to their own business with discretion.

"Of course, I'll go." Shaking her head in amusement, Fujino fished out her Nokia from her pocket, her brows furrowing as she punched in a few buttons.

"But Ueda-san won't take too kindly of your refusal if you—"

"He can go with the producer's niece," I teased, but earned a hurt look from Yukino instead. "Hey—hey, I was just kidding!"

It was no secret among our circle of friends how Yukino felt towards Haruka, but the blonde still didn't respond. Haruka now even turned a deaf ear to my joke, trying to strike up a futile chat with Fujino, who at the moment was preoccupied with her phone. It must be the cruelest kind of love: to make the other party wait for an answer that might never come.

My gaze wandered to Fujino and then back at Haruka. _God, these two…_

"Your mother called the other day, Nao-chan," Yukino said, sipping her drink. "She said she'll be staying at her friend's home until Tuesday. She said she'll cook you a homecoming meal!"

"Whatever. I already got the ticket. I'm not gonna waste it," I grumbled. For some reason, my mother found it more reliable to communicate with Yukino or Mai than talking to me directly.

Fujino looked up from her cell. Tonight was one of those few times she didn't care to hide her evil grin. "I'm sorry I won't be able to send you off, Yuuki. _Busy_."

"You'll miss me. I know you will," I stated, gulping down the drink.

Haruka looked genuinely interested in our little exchange, which perhaps related to her own personal issue. "You know you guys sound like a couple ready to divorce."

Fujino raised her brows. "How do happily-in-love people sound like then?" She eagerly turned to me, her voice perfectly mimicking the blonde's. "_WOULD YOU BE MY WIRE? WOULD YOU MERRY ME?_"

I burst out laughing, leaving Haruka confused and Yukino blushing like mad. "Your accent is wicked!"

"I wasn't finished. I said you guys sound like a couple ready to divorce but are still very much in love," Haruka commented and then turned to the glasses girl with a proud look on her face. "I am right, aren't I, Yukino?"

I couldn't decide if it was the fact that someone as clueless as Haruka pointed it out, or the meaning of the statement that had left me dumbfounded.

Deep in thought, Yukino ticked her chin with her finger. Her best friend had been doing a lot of thinking concerning the subject of love lately. "Well, according to your description, Haruka-chan, I'd say Mai and Yuuichi would fit it. They fight a lot, but we all know that they love each other."

"Pffft! They're just boringly in love." I made a mocking face.

Fujino leaned closer to me with a smirk. "You suppose we could do better?"

A strange feeling stirred in my stomach at her careless mock, and I was thankful for the dimming light from the lamps since my cheeks suddenly felt hot for no reason. It must be the champagne, and I hastily poured myself another glass.

"Kuga and Matsuoka is what I call 'boring'. They're way too perfect!" Haruka's take on relationship caused everyone to fall silent.

Fujino's gaze that was fixing on me looked empty. Her hand consciously lowered from the table and hid the mobile below the white tablecloth. And it hit me then who she was planning to take as a date tomorrow night instead of Ueda. But the plan was bombed in mid-air like an airplane being shot down by an unintended, friendly fire.

Frantic, Yukino looked at me for a sign. She must have thought that I somehow had already slipped this bit of information to Fujino. I could only respond with a guilt-ridden look.

Fujino turned to the blonde with a masochistic smile. "Matsuoka?"

Haruka roared out her trademark laugh. "Oh, didn't you hear that they're the dream couple of Fuuka now!? The handsome prince and the pauper! She's broke. Reito said something like she's moving in with him—"

"Look, Haruka-chan, the dinner is served! Don't you love the steak!?" Yukino blurted out, her fidgety hands lingering along the edge of the table.

"Yeah, I do," Haruka replied, puzzled.

We all quickly started our dinner for fear of another wave of Haruka's report. Fujino didn't speak anymore during the meal, and it was her who ordered more champagne to fill in her silence.

It didn't take long before our dinner was over. Taking her time, Fujino wiped her mouth with the napkin and put it down beside her full plate. She then politely excused herself. With reluctance, I looked up and caught the unfamiliar flash of pain in her eyes that I had never seen before: not the dejected, empty look she harbored during the Carnival, but the wordlessly blatant kind that felt almost like a flesh wound. Strangely, with her mask crumbling apart, she looked alive more than ever. And I couldn't help but follow suit.

We didn't stop at the motel, but the airport instead. She remained absolutely quiet even when I jumped into the cap with her, or stood next to her by the ticket counter. I had no intention to leave until she'd get me a ticket. Persistent that I was, our plane took off to Fuuka in less than two hours.

It was almost midnight when we reached Kuga's apartment complex, but only faced a disappointment when the card over the postal box of Kuga's room was replaced by someone else's name instead. Evidently, Kuga had rented out her apartment. I must have been too preoccupied with my own ambitious plan to escape this small town that I neglected the bits and details of our friends.

I rang Mai up, hoping the girl could clarify something for us.

'Oh, she's moved in with me for a month now. Umm. Are you Okay, Nao-chan?'

"Yeah, we're good. We're in Fuuka now. Where the hell is she?" I glanced over at Fujino, who was occupying the left end of the crimson sofa in the lobby. She was displeased of what was happening, namely her lack of knowledge of her best friend's recent activities. Of course, she had cut everyone out of her life (with the exception of Haruka since no one could possibly succeed in doing so), and as luck would have it, Kuga was too busy to care.

Mai squealed at our sudden arrival, shouting to her boyfriend and Mikoto to inform them of the impending doom. 'There's a birthday party at one of his friend's. They left just an hour ago!' she reported, adding quickly the address to the residence. Her voice sounded too excited to know that her roommate would be in serious trouble now.

Hanging up, I grabbed Fujino's hands, literally pulling her slouchy form from the sofa. "Hurry up! I know where they are now!"

But she appeared stoic, her gaze filled with uncertainty. "I think I should leave."

My mouth hung open in disbelief. "You mean to tell me that you wasted two plane tickets to just sit around in a goddamn lobby and pity yourself?"

Fujino stopped and then stepped closer that she could stare me down her nose. "Pity? I don't need anybody's pity." She stood tall with her bitter honesty, her usual defense completely ignored. Her tone was harsh and full of scorn, her eyes hiding no resentment. And, for a second, I thought I was Ueda in the love scene of 'She' when Fujino's character tried to make him hate her.

"No, you don't need pity. You need love!" I burst out the cheesiest line the movie came up with.

Fujino's brows came together in bafflement. "Excuse me?"

Sweating at my own little obsession, I blindly grabbed her hand and dragged her fast out of the lobby.

For the past months, I visited the studio nearly everyday, watching the actors and remembering the lines they spoke so accurately I repeated them in my showers. They were a handsome couple, and even if they hated each other off-screen, their on-screen chemistry could fool the world.

I'd find a spot behind the crews and lean against the wall in a corner. I'd let myself be taken away by their portrayals of heroic ideals, passionate struggles and bruised kisses. All of this because their professionalism managed to make the façade of Love appealing even with all the ugliness behind it. All of this because it made people forget for a few moments how cruel reality could be.

And, of course, I wasn't about to let anyone know of my fixation more than I had let out.

Mission accomplished. The taxi came to stop along the curbside a block away from the targeted residence. It was a comfy home with a backyard large enough to accommodate a few dozens of guests. The birthday guy was also a friend of Yuuichi, and Mai had mentioned that his parents had left their home all to him and his friends tonight.

In the dark, Fujino and I crawled along the bushes to get around to the back of the residence, watching the people on the other side of the fences having their good time. I couldn't help but inwardly grin at our little spying game. Soon, we spotted our target sitting among several college boys and girls, looking rather detached from any conversation around her. With a handsome man beside her (who could be no one but Matsuoka), Kuga would give an awkward smile whenever someone spoke to her, or just remained quiet as she sipped her drink. In the very least, the girl managed _not_ to look bored.

With her silky hair hanging down to her back, Kuga looked fashionable in her comfortable attire. She even had some mild makeup on, which flattered her with a sultry air of a young woman. Her eyes sparkled darkly, her appearance almost too sensual to be her. Tonight, she looked nothing like I had remembered.

With a proud smile on his face, Matsuoka made it clear, having one arm around his girlfriend, his other hand over her lap. Clean-shaven, he had neatly trimmed, short, dark hair. His eyes were bright and sweet, virtually a tease. He was a muscular man, his height definitely above average Japanese men. For all the mental insults I'd thrown at her before, Kuga's taste really wasn't bad at all.

But with all the trouble we went through, Fujino just crouched behind the bushes and, from the look of it, sneaking a peek at the dark-haired girl was probably all she'd do tonight. Was she taken by the change in Kuga's look, or was she intimidated by the handsome man beside the girl?

"Oh, please. Aren't you gonna go to her?" I inquired, deeply amused.

Fujino's gaze dimmed, momentarily looking away from the party.

"Just walk up there and announce yourself." I nudged her with a sly smile.

No response. Catching the jaded look in Fujino's eyes, I wickedly wished that Matsuoka would just seat his girl on his lap. Suddenly, the confident actress I knew in Tokyo just disappeared. I had to wonder what it took her to do all the things she did during the Festival—all the shameless declaration of love and absurd persistence to win over Kuga's heart and body. It was so unlike her to hide behind some trees, afraid to step out to claim her possession. And I really wanted some gossips before going home tonight.

The party grew a little wilder, the music just a tad louder, and the people were little drunker than the parents must have anticipated. I couldn't fathom why Fujino found the bushes more appealing to be than in the party. They would have welcomed her for her celebrity status alone. Perhaps, it'd take another doomsday to give Fujino a kick in the ass.

The moment came when the capricious Matsuoka stood up and took his stoic lady in his arm, his friends whistling at his move. His hands were all over her back, coaxing her to dance along with him. Her arms tightly and stiffly wrapped around his neck, she was so focused on her moves that she always stared down at her own feet, annoyed that her steps were out-of-sync with the music playing. The intensity in her attempt to enjoy life was palpably painful, lacking all subtlety as always. For whatever Kuga's intention was, uncertainty always abided hope in a broken heart, whether it was welcomed or not.

My teeth gritted in an unwelcome sensitivity. Tonight, not only the iconic Fujino was hiding in the shadow like a coward, the virtuous Kuga was acting like a whore. And when Matsuoka kissed his girl, I found myself getting all sentimental for no reason.

Fujino yet again failed to respond to the scene before her. Her arms folded neatly on her lap, her eyes never left Kuga as the boy bent a little to peck on his girlfriend's lips. Her gaze was intent, but patient, as if to take in every detail of the couple's increasingly audacious hand movements over each other. There was neither sign of anger nor remorse in her facial expression, but an observant one. She didn't even blink. It must have been a sort of masochistic self-abuse to have watched the scene so faithfully like that.

After a short while, Matsuoka ended the dance and turned to his friends to speak something we couldn't catch under the music. We only caught his friends' abrupt whistles and laughter, added with the reluctant look on Kuga's face. Waving goodbye to the birthday man, Matsuoka escorted his girlfriend out of the residence, heading towards his car parked along the curbside.

I arched my neck, ready to scream. "FUJI—"

All of a sudden, Fujino shot up from behind the bushes, leafs spurting all over her. Charged with unknown energy, she ran headfirst out of the backyard.

I soared after her, and then decided to do something Fujino was unwilling to. "KUGA! STOP!"

But the couple got into the car, failing to catch my shout. Fujino raced into the street, but tripped and slid down the pavement, hitting her head on the cement instead. Oddly, she appeared drunker than everyone else in the party.

"Jesus!" I rushed to the prone form on the sidewalk, pulling her up.

Seeing Matsuoka's car speeding off, Fujino didn't take the time to register the fall. With my help, she got up in her swaying pose to chase after the vehicle. She ran and ran. There was no shouting. No begging. The only sound coming out of her was the ragged breathing that eventually grew louder into a pant when her legs failed to move further, her lungs needing a breath. I skidded to stop and collided into her back, stumbling us both to the ground.

"Ouch… Ah… Jeez…" I panted as I regained my composure.

Lying flat on her stomach, Fujino now took in the air she needed. She didn't display any annoyance at my clumsiness, only staring at the sight of the car that ultimately turned away at a small intersection.

After a moment of silence, Fujino got up to her feet and idly turned to walk away, stopping momentarily due to the gentle pull from my hand. There was an agonizing moment of long silence and contemplation. Her gaze traveled back and forth between the direction the car went and the reverse end. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning, but she was untouched by the cold night wind. Even if the world was falling apart, she couldn't be hurt anymore than this. She nodded as if to convince herself of some unspoken resolution and took a step into the opposite direction, rubbing where her head had hit prior in an uncharacteristically dazed manner.

Fujino eventually vanished down the slope. In Fuuka, she came quietly and disappeared as such. In a matter of months, Kuga already had something else in mind. It was almost certainly wise to leave it behind now than to endure the trial and be hurt even deeper later on. Fujino didn't particularly fancy the idea of ending up like her father.

"Just when Kuga and the prince left the party, Fujino got up and jumped over the fence, shouting for her love!" I raised my hand up, dramatic in my pose.

"Awwwwwwwwwww." Mai and Aoi dreamily squealed at my so-called recollection of last night's event.

Tate, Shiho, Reito, Mikoto, Midori, Akane and Chie sat themselves on the carpeted floor, surrounding me, their mouths open in anticipation. Akira was sitting on Takumi's lap, attentive to my tale. Thanked to Mai, they all had learned about Fujino's brief presence in Fuuka, and I was invited to Mai's apartment as the sole witness. Kazuya would have come if he didn't have an appointment with his teacher, but his girlfriend would surely fill him in afterwards.

"But, of course, she didn't hear her," I said, faking a sympathetic sigh.

"No!" Mikoto stomped her foot as if she was watching an unpleasant scene from a soap-opera show.

Reito instantly shushed his sister to calm down so that I could continue the saga.

"Fujino ran and ran down the long, quiet street. Lord knew how hard she tried to stop them, only to see the girl of her dream kissing her lover through the back windshield. And the car disappeared into the night, leaving her all alone, cold and blue…"

Disappointment was clearly visible in their eyes. Chie clutched Aoi's hand to soothe the long-haired girl. Mai hugged a big, fluffy pillow, her gaze fixing on the carpet before her, seemingly lost. Tate and Reito glanced at each other, concerned over the busty girl's fixation on the floor. Shaking her head, Akane dialed up her boyfriend and spoke him in a heartbreaking voice, carried away by the tale of broken romance. Akira leaned against her boyfriend, sighing over his shoulder.

Midori took a gulp of cold beer, her brows knitting in a serious scheming. "Maybe there's something we could do."

Mai clenched her fists. "I agree! We should just tell Natsuki that—"

The door to the apartment swung opened. Still in the same outfit she wore last night, Kuga walked in, and all things became silent. There were dark circles under her eyes, her crumpled jacket over her shoulder. Her hair disheveled, she looked beat, and we were certain of her lack of sleep last night. With the solid images I had just imprinted into their brain, Mai and the rest of the gang kept their mouths absolutely shut. Maybe there wasn't really anything they should do; the small smile on Kuga's face as she was talking on her cell phone only supported their theory.

"Look, I'll call you later… Ok…" Wide-eyed, Kuga readily hung up as she came to stand in her humble apartment that was now crammed up by familiar visitors. All at once.

The friends offered the dark-haired host an awkward smile, chuckling dryly to one another. Kuga's gaze drifted from Mai to everyone around the room, and then intently stopped at me, scrutinizing how I unexpectedly appeared in Fuuka and was now standing in the middle of her room, encircled by audiences like a fable teller.

Alarmed, Akane quickly hid her cell phone in her pocket and excused herself to meet up with Kazuya soon. Midori gave Kuga a sheepish grin, quietly tossing the can of beer into the trashcan and following Akane out. With his usual, charming smile, Reito picked his sister up with one strong arm and marched out of the apartment, reprimanding Mikoto for spilling food along the hallway.

"You need a hand, Reito!?" Tate immediately sprung up to his feet and ran after his friends, grinning Shiho hanging to his side.

"We're sorry, Natsuki-chan. We were about to leave. Chie-chan is really hungry—starving," Aoi said, smiling apologetically and walking fast out of the room. Nodding adamantly, Chie was closely behind her girlfriend.

"I'll see you later, Onee-chan! Natsuki-san." Takumi nodded, smiling politely as he hurriedly left with Akira.

Kuga turned and turned, watching her friends left one by one in a hurry. She then gave me one long look and, sensing that I wasn't about to leave, slammed the door shut.

Mai gulped, glancing at her roommate and me.

"No date, Yuuki? No one to abuse? Nobody to save?" Without looking at me, Kuga sneered with her tired tone, tossing her key and jacket over the couch behind Mai.

"Maybe just one," I said with a smirk, causing Mai to squirm.

"Any refreshment, Natsuki-chan!? I'll prepare you some tea!" Mai flashed a big smile, scurrying into the kitchen.

Kuga stood by the couch but refused to sit down, tense and on-guard. She watched Mai's poor attempt to act as though the little meeting with the Fuuka friends didn't exist. It was too obvious, and we had always known that Mai wasn't such a good liar.

"What are you doing here?" Glaring back at me again, Kuga shoved her typical, curt tone at me. We were becoming more civilized before I left for Tokyo but, for some reason, she was pissed off just to see my face now.

I ignored her unwelcoming conduct. After what I'd been through, it wasn't like I had any friend to expect from the start. "I got school, you know. Unfortunately, I had to come back a week earlier than scheduled."

Shrugging, Kuga made a quickie move into her bedroom, and came out again in a blue, Superman t-shirt and a pair of shorts. If I was corrected, it was the t-shirt Fujino got for the girl from a local store. The former student council president bought her best friend a gift on her own graduation day, and she made no secret about it.

"Korean instant noodles! Aren't we all hungry!?" Mai didn't barge back into the conversation with a pot of hot tea and three instant noodles cups ready on a tray.

In silence, the three of us just sat around the low table, counting the few minutes for the noodles to soften in hot water. Mai struck up a pointless chat with Kuga, asking how the party was only to receive unenthusiastic replies like 'Not bad', 'Cool', and 'Free food' from her roommate.

To my grudging surprise, I found Kuga's worn-out gaze almost treacherous, dangerously charming, with the damp strands of dark hair framing her gaunt face. The quiet, sullen air around her, she was no longer the pouting teenage girl Fujino left behind. She was now a sight to behold. Her makeover was helped—forced—thanked to Mai, of course.

After the small chat, Kuga seemed to tone down in her demeanor. There was a little bit of guilt in her gaze when she poured us some tea, and started eating.

There must have been some talk about me staying in Tokyo with Fujino, and the only reason Kuga softened towards me just a moment ago was Mai's reminding of her recent date with Matsuoka. Kuga had to be _reminded_ that she was already taken—that she had no right to be upset if anyone should replace her in Fujino's life.

"How was Tokyo, Nao-chan? Did you have fun?" Mai asked out of her naivety, causing the raven-haired girl to stiffen again.

I stopped for a second before sucking the noodles up discreetly. Mai's question wasn't helping. Kuga shot me a bitter glare across the table, though I could tell that she was waiting eagerly for my reply.

"I got to be in a commercial. Look carefully. You guys might catch me on TV soon." I winked with a big, fat grin.

"Congratulations! I hope you get more jobs, Nao-chan!" Mai said, beaming.

"Just one? How did you get by for months? It's expensive there." Kuga was staring down at her food. Her words came monotonously, but I knew better.

"I wouldn't have made it, but Fujino helped me out. She was very kind, I was—"

"You lived with her?" Kuga failed miserably to keep her tone steady. She edgily put the noodle cup down. Eyes closed, she was rubbing her temples, the lack of sleep only making it more difficult.

Mai looked at me, silently pleading me to be nice. For once.

Rolling my eyes, I sulkily poked my noodles with the chopsticks. "With all the parties and friends visiting her late at night? Nah, I wouldn't want to live with her."

For some reasons unknown, I opted to leave out Fujino's boring lifestyle in Tokyo. Fujino had no friend, no party—nothing and no one beside her. But I wanted Kuga to think otherwise, that her best friend was doing fine without her.

The meal shortened with me taking leave soon afterwards. I had a kick just to see the lost look on Kuga's face and a frantic one on Mai's, which had temporarily erased the pained one I saw from Fujino last night. It was that look I knew so well—that look of someone whom had never been loved.

"I'm back!" I scampered into the kitchen of my house, throwing my arms around the small woman by the sink.

"Welcome home, sweetheart." Mother turned her attention from the task at hand, smiling. "Did you wash your hands? Dinner will be ready soon."

I made a face at the chopped garlic on the bamboo cutting board in front of mother. "Garlic? I don't like garlic!"

Mother looked at me quizzically. "But—but, darling, you loved my soup—"

"It's Ok. I already ate at a friend's place," I said, picking an apple from the fridge.

"You'll manage, I know. You always love my garlic soup. Oh, your friend called really late last night. I forgot to tell you before you left to see Mai-chan this afternoon. She was worried if you got home safely. You got yourself a nice friend, my little Nao."

Chewing the fresh apple, I knitted my brows at mother's beaming face. "What? Mai called? We just—"

"No, dear, I meant Fujino-san. I believe that must be her name. You stayed with her in Tokyo, didn't you?" Mother then chortled at the astounded look on my face.

"She… She called…?" Instantly moving out of the kitchen, I pulled out my Motorola and punched in her number. After we parted last night, I just headed home, too tired and restless to reason anything. I woke up again nearly half an hour past noon and left soon afterwards. Not for a single moment that I'd expect Fujino to check up on me. My heart beat a little faster at the realization. My chest felt tighter as I waited for her to pick up the phone.

But it rang and rang. After a few attempts, a voicemail spoke through the line, informing the sudden, unavailable signal. I cursed under my breath, only to move through the living room to the front door of my house when mother tiptoed in the kitchen to see what I was doing. Obviously, Fujino was there and intentionally turned off the phone. Leaning against the doorframe, I flipped my mobile shut, squinting up at the gray sky. It seemed the rain had followed me from Tokyo, and the weather forecast running on TV in the living room was telling me that the storm meant to stay.

**TBC…** _Chapter 2: Sacrifice_


	3. C2: Sacrifice

**A/N: I am so sorry for the LONG absence! Work, life, study, etc. I have a long, long list of excuses. Loooool. But now that **_**Whisper from the Forest**_** is finished, I hope that I can focus on this story again. It should be one more chapter (as planned), and I hope I can follow the schedule.**

**This chapter doesn't have a beta, and I must apologize in advance for the mistakes you'll see below.**

* * *

**NOSTALGIA**

**CHAPTER 2: Sacrifice**

* * *

"150,300 Yen, Ma'am." The cashier lady scanned the gray, wool sweater I spent hours scrutinizing before picking it off the shelf.

I gave the woman Fujino's credit card and, to my newfound resentment, the purchase went through. I would have put a little more effort into calling her. I would have done just a little more to nag her so that I could leech more on her. While the credit card she left me was still active, everything else about her was voided.

I went back to our motel in Tokyo to find a panicky Nobu, a desperate Mayu, a furious Haruka and a worried Yukino in the lobby. Fujino checked out a day after she got back from Fuuka and left virtually no traces behind. Only a few of her remaining belongings were moved to my room, which she didn't cancel. There were PlayStation 3, a self-made Dominoes score sheet (the small records she was very proud of), and an old SIM card (the one I tried to call on her weeks ago).

Her disappearance was covered up by Suzushiro and Co. with great effort and much sweat. Not only that Fujino failed to show up at the premiere of 'She', she had vanished into thin air. It was as if she never existed. Only a handful of people in Tokyo knew her real name. Not many had met her in real life and, when Nobu couldn't get her to appear for interviews and TV shows, endless rumors of her being 'dead' mounted higher than Mount Everest. But above all of that, it only intensified the public interest in 'S', which served to drive the producer (and his niece) insane.

With Haruka and Yukino begging me to keep this information quiet from our Fuuka friends, I kept going back and forth between Tokyo and Fuuka, giving mother nonsense excuses, just to wait in my motel room, hoping for a surprise knock on the door. But it never came. I saw people checking in and out of the room opposite to mine. Weeks turned into months so fast I wasn't sure how I kept up with it, though I had late night callers to befriend me for a change.

Lying flat on the bed, my gaze wandered around the room, the walls decorated with posters of rock bands and pinned memos. Naturally, I had made this motel my second home. "Yeah, but it's been five months, and nobody knows if she's still alive," I mumbled into the mobile.

'She hadn't called other friends?' His calm voice couldn't hide his snicker.

"What's so funny!?" I snapped, truly irritated.

'It's just that I'm not sure if this friend of yours really exists, or if it's just… a friend.'

I was about to growl, but was interrupted by his harmless laugh.

'Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm just trying to help you like how you've always been there for me.'

"I've been there for you? You paid me to sit around and talk to you," I said, smirking. 'Chess' and I had known each other for almost a year, and I felt comfortable with him enough to just be myself. We'd grown past the stage of clientele, occasionally throwing jokes and being mean to each other.

But the moment I feared finally came.

'Daisuke.' He spoke his real name to me, and I was stuck between reaching out and retreating back into my closed world.

'It's D—D—D—D—Daisuke!'

I chortled at his teasing stutter. "Oh, Jesus…" I rubbed my face. "It's… It's _Nao_, and from now on, if you ever called me _Widowmaker_ again—"

'No more threat tonight, Nao-chan. You've scared me enough with your imaginary friend. I do hope she'll become real soon. You need to sleep.'

By the time we hung up, I had a weird smile on my face, oddly satisfied. 'Chess' was very different from most clients I knew. He never exerted any sexual desire into our conversations, and I never had to fake an orgasm for him like I did for many others.

Just because I was a little too hyper to go to sleep, I fed my brain the usual bits of bitterness and contempt to ease out the happiness meter. Before long, my mind rushed back to the missing actress and the amusing turns of mystery I was caught in after knowing her. Kuga had everything a person could have asked for and more, while I had to struggle just to get someone to care to know my name. Life was unfair, but I would never cave in anyway. I wanted the last say.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

Another call came at four in the morning, and I thought I had already deactivated my service for the night.

"Yeaaah—" I droned in my sleepy voice.

'Nao-chan, she's back!'

I must have tripped over my jeans as I tried to put them on and darted to the door at the same time. Yukino kindly informed me of the actress' first contact in several months. At precisely six o'clock in the morning, they were to meet her at the private airfield owned by Suzushiro and Co. forty kilometers north of Tokyo.

"Who are these people!? It was meant to be top cricket!" Behind the row of high fence, Haruka practically yelled against the cold wind, striding along the cement lane, away from the herd of news reporters and fans.

"Top secret, Haruka-chan," Yukino corrected the blonde.

In my white, knee-length coat, I followed them suit, bending a little at the sharp, morning wind. Nobu and Mayu were right behind me.

In just an hour, the news was leaked out and nearly four hundreds people rushed to the small airstrip to witness the materialization of 'S' in flesh for the first time. There were already accusations thrown around in the crowd that Suzushiro and Co. had planned this all along, and some even threatened to burn the airfield down if 'S' should not appear by dawn.

"How did you know about the flight? Are you sure it was for real?" I nudged Yukino. We were on the other side of the fence, which separated us from the empty runway.

"She called Mayu-san at three in the morning. We really hope it wasn't just a prank, Nao-chan." Yukino glanced at the angry mob gathered just behind us.

Nobu didn't look very convinced, pulling out a cigarette.

"No smoking, Uncle," Haruka said.

"What—what—ah!" The producer grumpily stuffed the unlit cigarette back into the pack, his hands shaking. He was nervous more than anyone else appeared to be.

"She'll come," Mayu said, approaching us and looking at her wristwatch. The woman looked charming even in her sleep-deprived state. She was slender and tall in the beige coat, her hands warmed by a pair of creamy gloves. She noticed me shivering a little, and then took off the said gloves and offered them to me.

"Nah, I'm cool," I said, mentally struck by her generosity.

One hand clinging to the fence, Mayu smiled. She looked smart in her posture and unkempt, long hair. "Aside from the landing time, she asked if you went back to school. I should make sure you don't freeze to death if I want to keep my job, shouldn't I?"

It must be the prickly wind that caused my cheeks to redden, tears brimming my narrowed eyes. A fulfilling sensation filled up my chest, but I just shrugged at the notion, more than overwhelmed by the first warm glint of the morning sun.

"HERE SHE COMES!" Haruka pointed up to the dark, red sky, and everyone looked up to see the silhouette of a plane appearing from above the pink clouds. The roar of the engine grew louder each second past against the cheering from the crowd. My body shot a step forward and my hands clung to the fence, my heart beating fast in anticipation.

However, the white plane rocketed down, not towards the runway but the crowd. Horror in their eyes, everyone turned silent when the jet showed no sign of slowing down.

"RUN FOR YOUR WIFE!" At full speed, Haruka dragged Yukino with her.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" People spurted in all direction, flopping to the ground in fright when the plane zoomed down, but rolled and pitched at high speed, soaring up to the sky again.

It all happened so fast that I didn't even flinch. I stood there, mouth wide open for a few fleeting seconds before I frantically turned around in an attempt to catch the sight of the plane.

I was already laughing at the latest gimmick 'S' was putting on display. It wasn't until the plane, which had the letter 'S' painted in blue on both side of the fin, landed properly on the runway, the actress stepped out with a wide smile, followed by a stunning, Swedish flight instructor that my smile sort of faded behind the morning fog.

The spectators seemed to have forgotten the horrid stunt just a few minutes ago and now screamed for the star's attention. Cameras were held up high, flashing away countless shots at lightning speed. In the middle of runway, the healthily tanned 'S' struck a few awkward, self-conscious poses in her leather pilot hat and jacket. And the crowd loved her for it.

After letting the fans and reporters had the snapshots they'd been waiting for, the security guards began to press them to leave the airstrip. Shizuru then approached my way, pulling the hat off her head and clutching it with both hands. She had a shy smile on her face, somewhat embarrassed by the silly entrance—and the clothes she was in. She came to stop in front of me, standing on the other side of the wired fence.

"You like my plane?" She flashed a smile as warm as the rising sun, foggy breaths fuming as she breathed heavily in exhilaration.

At her coy, excited tone, I laughed with her. Strangely, my interest to know where she'd gone for the past months had all but disappeared at that moment. The only thing I cared was that, if she ever planned to leave again, I'd like to go with her.

On that white plane, of course.

"You're back." It was only then that I became aware of Mayu's presence again. The woman stood behind me, arms rigidly along the sides of her body. She didn't look very pleased at the sight of the Swede behind Shizuru.

"You don't sound as happy as you did on the phone." Shizuru eyed Mayu up and down with her intense gaze. She was brazen in searching for a clue, her lips moving but without further words.

For a quiet moment, the two just stared at each other, the small pain in Mayu's eyes and the uncertainty in Shizuru's making me feel like an intruder. But the subtlety went unnoticed by the Swede, who flung herself at the actress and gave the girl a big, wet kiss on the cheek, pouring out words in broken English, in which I didn't understand a thing.

For some reason, Mayu and I promptly looked away from the scene.

"YOU ARE NOT ALOUD TO FIRE AGAIN!"

Thank God for the forever reliable intervention from Haruka.

"_Allowed_, Haruka-chan… and _Fly_… and… forget it…!" Yukino panted as she scurried after the blonde. From a distance, she waved merrily at us. The two were running across the field of green grass, heading back towards us. They ran fast, didn't they?

Shizuru broke away from the flight instructor. With a grin on her face, she scooped the glasses girl and the loud blonde in her bear hug. "I'm back!"

Front page newspapers had 'I'M BACK' printed in big, bold letters that even an eighty-year-old lad without glasses could not have missed it. Yes, 'S' was back in business again, while Nobu had to resist the urge to fire her.

Her first public appearance in months made headlines and caused never-ending speculations of where she had been. All the while, I had to reassure our Fuuka friends that it was only for show—that Shizuru was really just hiding to garner more publicity.

Aside from the extravagant return, what amused me even more was finding a picture of the actress in the handsome, pilot clothing, one of many which were flooded all over the internet and gossip columns in fashion magazines, cut and neatly hid between the pages of a Statistic textbook in Kuga's bedroom. I often took liberty to inspect Kuga's room whenever the girl was out, and what I found was just another fan of 'S'.

But it wasn't a close-up picture of Shizuru. It wasn't one of those professional poses either. The picture was rather small and grainy, showing the actress climbing down the plane, facing sideway to the camera. Shizuru wasn't looking. She wasn't smiling but intently staring at the ground just inches below her heel. The picture was the most candid one I had seen around, the one that not many would choose as favorite.

But I saw what Kuga did. That placid face in the picture, Shizuru wasn't acting at that very second. It was as real as she could be. It was the hesitation flashing in her lowered gaze, reluctant to take another step—afraid to leave or stay.

Kuga was afraid, too.

But as the plane landed, there was no turning back. No more hiding. 'S' planned to brush the past aside and march on ahead.

"_Return of the Yellow Bear_? What'd I be? The zookeeper, or the bear?" Murmuring, Shizuru's attention wasn't on a movie script, but the tile catalog in her hands. She was pacing back and forth in the large space of a newly built penthouse overlooking the view of downtown Tokyo.

Only a month after coming back, Shizuru was shopping for a home now. It was a relief to see her back with a healthy state of mind. She had totally shed off the pathetic look I last saw from her in Fuuka. Her famous pilot jacket and hat were auctioned off to a contemporary museum at a high price by next day's noon. Numerous movie contracts cued up for 'S' at her disposal, and there had been several music commitments to consider as well. Nobu had no choice but to risk another chance with the erratic star.

"Lenox Musgo is good, yes?" Shizuru turned for a comment from Mayu, who was admiring the scenic view out in the terrace that was large enough to accommodate 40 people.

"It's only a codename, of course," Nobu replied to the actress' previous question, following her around the room, "A codename for a sniper. How do you like the idea of playing a sniper?"

"Lenox Musgo?" Standing by the sliding door, Shizuru repeated, gawking at the back of the assistant, who wasn't paying any attention to her. "I am talking to you, Mayu." There was an edge of harshness in her voice, publicly displaying her annoyance for the first time.

"Are you building a castle or what? Decide already. Ferrara Nero looks light years better," I retorted, exasperated at how long the discussion had been going on.

But Shizuru didn't seem to hear me; she kept staring at the woman by the handrail.

"It's not my house, Fujino-san. It's entirely your choice," Mayu finally said, giving the actress a polite smile.

Flipping through the index, Shizuru turned away, her brows furrowed. She mumbled something in her throat, displeased about the honorific Mayu had just used. The assistant's extraordinary calm easily rendered the diva into an unsophisticated teen. Being both arrogant and untested in the real world, Shizuru did stumble from time to time. With the larger-than-life career and high expectations on her shoulders, it was hard just to keep her sanity.

But there was Mayu.

I had learned that Shizuru called the assistant quite often before deciding to come back to Tokyo (and Haruka was so mad that the assistant kept it secret all those times). It was, again, Mayu's design to leak out the news of Shizuru's arrival to the reporters, ensuring that anything concerning the actress would make headlines.

Godlike or manmade, 'S' was here to stay.

"I think Ferrara Nero is good, too," Shizuru quietly remarked, her focus on the catalog still. It was the first time she involved me in a conversation today.

For the past month, she was so busy with her career plans. We'd play games, eat and hang out together, but her mind was always distracted with works. And I think she even welcomed distractions. She talked more than she used to, but didn't sound like she cared very much whether she meant it. It was all a bit too easy and careless to be her. It seemed that the six-month vacation had done miracle to her. If Kuga could enjoy life in her best friend's absence, Shizuru would just suck it up and do as she pleased as well.

"Nao, you said you're hungry?" Leaning against the wall, Shizuru appeared uninterested while scanning the pages.

I was surprised that she still bothered to ask; I suggested the idea of lunch about an hour ago.

"Pizza? Sushi? Dim sum?" She flapped the catalog closed, flashing a teasing grin that managed to pull a smile out of my stern face.

I was surprised even more that she'd be there every time I began to think that she was gone.

The four of us ended up at a Dim Sum place in downtown. Nobu's treat, as usual. A room was booked for us, guaranteed with a back entrance into the restaurant.

"I do not want to play it. I want something more uplifting," the actress stated, chewing a dumpling. It was as crowded and loud as in any ordinary Chinese restaurant; the set of eight wooden panels, which separated us from the rest of the customers, did nothing to suppress the noises. But we heard her clearly. Shizuru played an assassin in 'She' and her character met with a tragic end. For some reason, the audiences loved to see her die.

"But it's one of the most coveted parts right now! So many actresses are dying for this role!" Nobu encouraged. Another action movie from 'S' sounded reasonably high in profit. Her fans were mostly young males, who only went to movies with lots of violence, explosions and sexy actresses.

Sitting back, Mayu coolly sipped Tsing Toa. She was only an assistant, and she knew her place not to interrupt.

"You shouldn't have too much of that. You still have the cold." Though the actress' tone was soft, Mayu quietly put the beer aside just to avoid making a scene. With her rising fame and exorbitant fees ever since her return, 'S' hadn't taken 'No' for an answer yet.

The negotiation went nowhere. The producer insisted. The star refused. Shizuru postponed the decision to sign any film contract indefinitely and spent her time and energy on decorating the penthouse instead.

Sprawling on the bed in her motel room, Shizuru scribbled down the list of people she'd like to invite to the opening house party on the crumpled Dominoes score sheet I had kept for her. She didn't touch her laptop anymore, and I took liberty to use it for my online courses.

"How did the job go?" Shizuru asked, while scratching some names off.

Laid next to her, I returned my attention to the laptop screen, typing an English essay. "What is this freakin' language, I'd never understand! Help!"

"Get Mayu," Shizuru mumbled, concentrated in scratching some more names off. If she kept on that way, she'd have no one left to come to the party.

"Thanks a lot." I continued my homework and droned, "Yeah, the job went well… Oh, I met Jiro at the studio today. Small world."

The name somehow got Shizuru's attention. She looked up from the list.

Glaring up at her, I quickly defended myself. "I didn't do anything. We didn't fight."

I was an extra in a commercial which Mayu got me last week, and Jiro turned out to be a friend of one of the labors at the studio. So much for all the connections Jiro once bragged about. He had the nerve to come and apologized how he left me at the police station that night (Though he failed not to mention that he held no charges against me). I just let him go. In truth, I might just have to thank him for his cowardliness.

My brows came together at the last thought. Surely, I enjoyed the comfortable life, and the presence of a familiar face from Fuuka was a bonus. Nothing more.

"What?" I asked curtly, unintentionally, suddenly unnerved by Shizuru's stare. It was almost 9 P.M. now. My morning makeup still looked presentable, didn't it?

"Did he hurt you?"

Her question left my mind blank for a second. Fixing my gaze on the sheet in her hand, I moved my arm to shift my body a little, but found no comfortable position as I was so close to her. It felt heavily cognizant where our arms brushed.

"He asked me out again," I lied. I practically scared Jiro away with the sharp raise of my deadly fist, earning laughter from the crews.

Shizuru lowered her gaze to the names before her. "Maybe I should invite him."

"Seriously!" I bolt upright.

"I take that you refused his advance then." She had that knowing smile on her face, and I sulked at it.

"Gee, you're no fun." I flopped back down to my previous position. She caught my lies almost too terrifyingly easy.

By the time I finished the essay, Shizuru was already drooling, the Dominoes score sheet on her heaving chest, the pen slipped off her grasp. Her teacup on the desk lamp was still full and left cold. She was asleep in a white underwear and a large, blue shirt. The top two buttons failed to connect the hems together, revealing the area of her creamy skin that wasn't tanned from the trip (the disappearance, the vacation, the enlightenment—or whatever one would like to call it).

I closed the laptop and leaned over her, studying her million-dollar face. In the less-than-extravagant sleepwear, she was flesh and blood, and could be hurt just like anybody else.

Like me.

Excluding the penthouse, Shizuru had been rather thrifty ever since she moved to Tokyo, regardless of the sum of her income. It did strike me that she was buying a home now just to spite Kuga. But it was still way too expensive a vengeance because that dense girl probably wouldn't get it anyway.

I snatched the score sheet to look it up. 'Natsuki' (with a drawn smiley face next to it), as predicted, emerged at the top of the list, followed by several familiar names from Fuuka, including mine. Many other names of probably models and actors I didn't know came up, too. However, they were all scratched off. After all that had happened, she was still very much alone.

"Hah, something never changes." I rolled my eyes.

But something did change, maybe in the very least for her, all the more for me. I woke up the next day, stirred by the wonderful brew of hot coffee. Shizuru usually got up before I did and, in her early hours, bought us some breakfast.

"Fish!? I said I wanted pork!" Sniffing, I climbed out from under the blanket to the round table by the window. Shizuru had the keycard to my room, and I hers; she had already propped the meal over the table. Considering her tight schedule for commercial or magazine shootings, breakfast was the only mealtime we'd had together.

"Can you pretend to be easy for once? And, please, brush your teeth." The actress popped the chopsticks apart from each other and began eating. She would have to leave soon to the airport for a trip to Bali with the crews.

My hand shot at my mouth, stopping dead just a few steps away from her. My rigidly rolling, wide eyes earned her soft giggles, and I stampeded into the bathroom. All the while, Shizuru informed me of the espresso she got for me this morning, stressing the casting appointment at nine I was expected to attend today. Mayu's fiancé was a manager of a well-known actor, and they had been really helpful to find me all kinds of jobs.

Before long, the breakfast became our routine, and I wondered how fortunate Kuga could have been. But luck wasn't enough these days. I found out that Kuga had already broken up with that hot guy, Matsuoka, a while ago. Why, I wasn't surprised. It somehow astonished me more that Kuga managed to come this far in a relationship.

Along the narrow street in a residential area in Fuuka, Mai led me back to her humble flat, heavy grocery bags in our hands. Kuga was taking a Judo practice at the moment, expected to return at eight. I still got some times to chill before then.

"Is that true!? I can't believe it! It's just how it is with beautiful girls, isn't it? They change boy—I mean—girlfriends—like changing clothes." Mai pushed the door to her room open with her shoulder, struggling with all the bags in her hands.

I followed in with a sly grin. "Not only the Swede instructor. Sometimes she'd disappear for days with God-knows-who."

"We cannot let Natsuki know this. It'll break her heart," Mai said, shaking her head as she neatly put the bags over the kitchen counter.

"Come on. Does she even care?" I scoffed, beginning to unpack the supplies.

The busty girl let out a motherly sigh. "Trust me, it's really hard for me to mention this… but I often caught Natsuki checking her mobile messages at night in case she missed one from Shizuru-san."

I had to laugh because Mai, being overly worried for her roommate's well being, had already conjured up a long list of new suitors to fill in the absence by Kuga's side. "She might be checking messages from some cute guys. That's what I'd do."

Mai had her arms across her chest, her tone resolute. "She never looked happy when she checked them. Always that bored, or even saddened look. And those messages were always from the guys I introduced her. It could only be Shizuru-san, who never messaged her."

"Ooooh, you checked her phone!" I grinned from ear to ear. When Mai heavily blushed at her slip, I pressed for more information, but did not forget to fill in some more gossips concerning 'S', making certain of Kuga's firm stance to keep away. Shizuru was no longer the girl Fuuka once knew.

Right before eight o'clock, I promptly headed home. Mother insisted that I must try her new garlic soup, which I found more or less of the same substance and taste. But I smiled and finished at least two bowls to commemorate her lovely attempt. After the meal, I put newly washed clothes into the dryer, and then proceeded to take a hot bath. It felt nice to be home.

"How's your online courses? I'll be checking on your report card soon," mother said with a strict tone, but she could never hide her smile from me. She had her whole confidence in me, and I felt complete.

Almost.

"It's going great. Don't worry, ok? I can take care of myself." Sitting on the bed, I was drying my wet hair with a towel.

Mother was busying herself over the heavy pile of dry clothes, rearranging them over the bed. "I should think so, little Nao. How is Fujino-san? Are you getting along with her all right?"

"'Course. We practically live together, give or take." I lied down on the comfortable mattress that mom always kept it clean to await my sporadic visits.

"I trust that you are very grateful to her. She's been more than generous with you." Nodding to herself, mother folded my clothes neatly. "I'm pleasantly surprised how nice she is. I should cook something for her sometimes then."

_Nice _sounded light and insignificant in an instant. My hands slowed down as they scrubbed my hair, my gaze intently fixed upon mother's contented, wrinkly face.

_Because she took you away from me, I'm going to make her pay…_

For a moment, I was sharply struck by the resurgence of rage that still seeded so deeply at the bottom of my sub consciousness.

"Oh? This is a cute, little t-shirt, Nao-chan." Mother's comment broke me from my trance.

I snapped to see her holding up the Superman t-shirt, and then quickly snatched it from her. Kuga's t-shirt was dumped in the basket of worn clothes by the door, ready to be washed next morning, and my so called sub conscience decided to act funny right then.

Pretending to toss it aside, I gave mother some excuse of how I got the t-shirt. For the remainder of the night, I caught up with her daily activities, she my studies and adventures in the big city.

"It… It is really too much, my dear Nao. You've worked so hard…" Tears brimmed in her weary eyes. Her hands were shaken as she held the fat, white envelope I gave her, blinking at the savings I managed from working small jobs.

I hated to see mother work late at night as a low-paid clerk in a small, paper factory in the outskirt of Fuuka. She had grown so much older—so frail—than when I remembered before the coma episode, and I couldn't stand seeing her having second thought when grocery shopping. She'd get the best food when I was around, but certainly not when I was gone.

"It's nothing, mom. This is just the start! I'll make a lot more, you'll see." We giggled as I engulfed her in my hug and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

That night, mother kissed me goodnight and it was one of those warm nights with calm, deep slumber when you knew that the next morning would be so bright.

And then there were those mornings of brutal silence Tokyo offered. Out the motel window, the sun rose behind the thick haze, rendering the room into gray and then pooling it in sepia by dusk. No one to bid goodnight but the clients I socialized with on the phone. The blanket was useless as the heat of my own body failed to overcome night's breath. I'd roll on my back in the morning to find the other part of the bed cold, the extra pillow nicely floated and untouched.

My appetite would be lost for the rest of the day if _the_ breakfast failed to happen due to Shizuru's overnight workload—and parties, the latter habit started recently when the Swede flight instructor introduced her to some new friends, who happened to work as models in Tokyo as well. Even after the Swede went back to Europe, Shizuru didn't seem to miss the instructor all that much. She and her new companions got along really sweetly.

"Why don't you just cancel your room? You're not there anymore," I said, typing some incoherent words in my essay, my blank gaze over the laptop screen. Tonight, we were making use of my room. Tonight, she was too tired to party. She came back around seven, took a long shower and spent her free time on my bed.

Shizuru was leaning against the head bed, surfing through TV channels with the remote control in her hand. "Hmm…? Am I bothering you…?" She still stared straight at the TV screen, sipping her beer.

I tore my gaze from my homework. She had been back from her various trips, but hardly ever took the time to rest properly. The dark circles under her eyes were the hard evidence, and her lips a bit paler than usual.

"Yes," I replied.

She briefly glanced at me, equipped with her usual, diplomatic smile, evidently not listening to me.

"For God's sake, I'm doing my homework and you just have to turn the TV up so loud!" I jumped onto the bed and snatched the remote control from her hand.

She just raised a brow when I flicked the TV off. "But the cooking show is on."

"What's the point? You don't cook anyway." I tossed the remote away.

"I might just start it. I'll have a large kitchen once the penthouse is finished." That was one of her many ideas that never quite flourished. She took her attention away from me when my mobile rang.

_Jesus, it's time! How could I forget!? _

I had activated my service account half an hour ago, expecting a call from 'Chess'. Mindful, I picked up the cell phone, my palm over the receiver, and glared at Shizuru, demanding some privacy. But she just grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.

I bent, coarsely hissing in her face. "Damn it! Just leave!"

"I'm not stopping you. The call is on, isn't it?" She gave me that knowing smile again.

Her increasingly rare presence did rally me into thoughts that suddenly mushroomed in the back of my head, but I was too caught up about the call to pass it. I threw pillows at her. She clumsily got up to her knees, gawkily waving the remote in defense. I pushed her with my elbow. She yanked back. I shoved her off the bed, to which she landed on the carpeted floor on her bum. Only then she grumbled and finally left.

All of this without making any sound.

"Umm, Daisuke? Woo hoo. Still there?" As I spoke into the phone, my gaze never left the door that quietly shut behind the tall girl. Shizuru indeed looked tired; her shoulders slumped, lacking the usual graceful posture.

'Oh—uh—am I interrupting you?' Chess sounded cheerful. His voice was fresh and full of attention to spend on me.

"Naaah, the bitch is gone." I sat back down on the bed, grabbing the nail clipper from the small lamp desk.

Chess chuckled a little. 'You and Akiko-san must be really close to each other.'

I gave Shizuru the name 'Akiko' since nobody would really believe me that I was a friend of the famous 'S'. As far as 'Chess' knew, both _Akiko_ and I were part-time, no-name models who would appear here and there in some commercials or tiny ads on newspaper.

"Don't tell me you're jealous." My voice sounded sensual, my question a tease. But, on this end of the line, I just idly raised a brow.

I knew Shizuru's face. I recognized her scent. I'd witnessed her past. But all of that meant nothing. Shizuru felt farther away even more so than someone whom I had never met. 'Chess' had been open with me as of late, hiding no emotions and expressing his eagerness to befriend me. But Shizuru never mentioned Kuga, before and after the incident, not even in the slightest. I wondered how she managed to bury so much inside, while all she showed the world was her killer smile.

'Should I be?' Chess asked, half-teasing, half-serious.

"Bah! She's annoying as hell." My response earned Chess' small laugh of relief. From our recent conversations, I sensed that he was growing really fond of me.

I filed my nails, ready to try my new sparkling red paint I just bought today. We talked about our daily lives, contentment and complaint alike. We were each other's occasional shoulder to lean on.

Until he asked to meet me for the first time.

The remainder of the night was restless. I got to kill time with some other clients until sunrise. It was far from being the first time I'd hook up with some random guys, but 'Chess' was something new; he had to be the first to make me feel genuinely important. There was something about his gentle voice and the occasional hints of gentleman traits I rarely ever found in others.

By eight o'clock in the morning, I already had a shower and was properly dressed in my hooded, denim jacket, a pair of knee-high boots and a beige skirt. Before I could make my exit, I ran into Shizuru at the elevator, who had just come back from the supermarket. In her casual, creamy blouse underneath the blue, woolen coat, there was no surprise or agitation in her eyes; she offered me her usual smile.

"Hungry?" Shizuru held up the brown, paper bag, paying no mind to my evident plan to go out, careless if I should refuse our usual breakfast. She was late, but I realized just the reason of it when the pale look was still very visible on her face.

"Huh. You're late again!" Grunting, I snatched the bag from her, mildly baffled that it was a little heavier than I thought. I peered down the bag to see what was inside. There were several cans of soft drink and green tea, snacks and two bento boxes. I looked up at her with a big question mark on my face.

"You were displeased," Shizuru said with her brows raised in mild mischief.

She knew I was upset, and I knew why she was acting the way she did last night.

It was those credit cards slips I saw in her room that gave me a clue why she'd been so blue despite all the fun parties she'd been to. There were numerous payments for different motels in Fuuka every week. Sometimes the dates ranged three times in a single week. Obviously, she hadn't gotten over the ordeal. She'd been flying back to Fuuka and possibly stalked Kuga without anyone's knowledge. Did she see Kuga with her new suitor? Did she accept that Kuga was moving on without her?

_Did she finally realize that Kuga was indeed in love with her?_

At the last thought, I decided to play a fool instead of an always-one-step-ahead smartass.

It begrudged me to credit Shizuru sometimes. She knew just what to do to apologize—impress—girls. To counter her unpleasant behavior last night, she took me on for a lunch picnic about a hundred kilometers west of Tokyo.

"You're sure you know how to fly?" I asked with my raspy voice, suddenly entertaining the idea of having the Swedish instructor here with us. My hand gripped the two, red seatbelts that ran crisscrossed over my chest.

"Why, you're afraid?" Shizuru pulled the sunglasses down from her head to the bridge of her nose. One hand balled into a loose fist, elbowing against the glass window of the plane to support her temple.

"'Afraid' is an understatement. I am freaking out! I swear I'll kick your ass if I ever catch you in hell," I grunted through my teeth, shifting in the leather seat.

Chuckling, Shizuru just bit her lips, which were forming into a smile.

With ease, 'S' took off from the airstrip, lifting me up to the sky. My lips gaped open as the view of blue sky ate up the sight of the ground below until it was the only thing in my sight. Quietly registering the soft hum of the engine, I gave myself a few moments before I released my grip from the belts. It was the first time I had been on a plane. A private jet made it a prestigious experience and, for a moment, Shizuru's brightened smile was even more impressive than the plane of blue sky that felt within my reach.

I had never felt freer.

In a breeze of the wind, we reached Shimoda, a town on the Izu peninsula, and I felt the flight wasn't long enough, that I hadn't had enough air in my lung as we got off the plane. We rented a green bike to ride to the beach; I rode while she sat behind, holding our supplies, much to my surprise that she could fly but failed to keep the bike running straight for more than a few seconds.

Through the serpentine road, the sun was high, warming us from the increasingly cold wind. Reaching the coastline, we settled our lunch boxes and drinks along the beach. People set about their own business, leaving us the privacy we hoped for. After lunch, Shizuru decided to relax herself in a hot spring for a while, so I went sightseeing around town. She came back and looked reenergized, but the dullness in her usually charming gaze still remained.

From a quick phone call with Mai, I assumed that the actress had somehow learned of Kuga's new love interest already. Love came and went as fast as the seasons changed, perhaps.

And when the sun's strongest brilliance of the day passed, we hid ourselves under the shades and leaned against a rock, watching the afternoon glimmer reflecting on the vast sea before us. Small waves crashed against the sandy shore, ringing soft rhythm in our ears. A few words were spoken, but none of it held more meaning than the precious silence we treasured.

After a peaceful nap, I woke up in the pool of evening sun. The spot by my side was empty, I looked out to the shore to see Shizuru strolling alone, her bare feet cruising through the level of water that came up to her ankles. To keep her disguise intact, she was wearing the straw hat and the pair of specs, warmed in her coat.

"Did you have a good nap?" Shizuru asked as I approached.

I stretched with a grin on my face. "Gee, never felt better! I doubt I'd fall asleep tonight."

A small smile mounted at the corners of her lips, but she directed her gaze out into the ocean instead, loosely hugging herself as she made her idle walk. Having a vague idea of what was on her mind, I didn't want to strike up the inquiry out of my own selfishness as I feared that the familiar sadness in her eyes would infect me. I didn't want it to ruin the moment, but she just had to do it.

"Winter is coming," Shizuru said with a wry smile, almost announcing to the sky—almost begging time to stop. "How is your mother, Nao?"

Her sudden question faltered my steps. She rarely mentioned anyone from Fuuka. But my mother?

Shizuru kept walking, and it was me who sped up to catch her. Her pace increased in its speed as mine did, too. Her walk began to form into a trail of circle, and I followed.

As the uncomfortable silence washed over us, I bit my lips before letting the words out. "She's good. She's got a job, and she's very happy with it. I'm… I'm helping her out with my savings as well."

"That's great to hear." Her quiet reply nearly lost my vigilant ears, but the glimpse of her eyes that I caught behind the sunglasses looked even frailer. It was as if she was punishing herself, digging our wound and asking me to hate her all over again. I saw it so clearly. I felt it crushing my insides. She should know that I never needed invitation; I already hated her.

I despised her for daring to be honest today.

I blamed her for making my resolute self waver in brief consideration for forgiveness for the first time in my life. The fact that she let me off the hook for harming Kuga back then was even harder to swallow. Kindness always made life more complicated than I would have liked.

We remained quiet as the plane once again took off to the reddened sky. The sun partially slipped behind the clouds, rendering soft hue of pink in the entire cockpit. We were heading back to all the chaos waiting for us. We just had to, didn't we? To move on, we had to face heartbreaks and pain. To be real, we had to be honest for once.

"I suggest you keep your seatbelts fasten." Shizuru glanced at me behind the shades of her sunglasses.

Puffing in annoyance, I tried to unhook the belts. Success. I slapped them away and quickly released my arms from the tangle. My fingers found the buttons to my jacket, but my inner voice screamed in the back of my head, demanding me to stop.

Shizuru had given out her warning, and she wasn't going to repeat herself. She watched me, but her amused smile disappeared when I took off my jacket, which I had kept on the whole day, and revealed underneath the familiar, Superman t-shirt. She was going to take me for a villain—a thief. She was going to ridicule me and make me take it off. But, above all, I hoped that she didn't think I got this as a fan of 'S'.

But Shizuru just turned to look elsewhere. If I hadn't known her, I'd have thought that she didn't recognize the t-shirt. However, the absence of her gaze left me feel shallower than any accusation could ever do, undone by my own daring stab at honesty today.

"Why?" Her question came as a whisper.

"I don't want to be Kuga, mind you. I just thought it's trendy."

My sarcastic excuse earned her giggle. After a long moment of silence had passed, she pulled the sunglasses up to her head, and the pair of aurorally reddened eyes squinted out at the limitless sky ahead, her hand resting lifelessly over the console pad in the middle. Her chest heaving faster, her porcelain face appeared so calmly awakened as if realizing that life had just begun as the sun went down.

"Beautiful…" her lips moved with the syllables, and she turned to me with a candid smile, our gazes locked. "And I don't mean the t-shirt."

My teeth involuntarily grated my lips as they broke into a slow grin. Gleefully, I sat back in my seat, lifting both arms up to pull the t-shirt off my head. Shizuru chortled at my rash conduct, genuinely so and not because of my revealing upper body. In this little wordless moment, we smiled as I slowly reached out for her nearest hand. My fingers found their ways around hers slowly—almost hesitantly.

As the sun hung low at the horizon, I felt high above all in the world. As the warmth from her hand finally wrapped around mine, I had never felt this wonderful to be real… to be me.

And for the first time in my life, people began to notice my presence and even gave it a little bit of importance.

Despite the chilly wind, many guests preferred to stay out on the terrace of Shizuru's penthouse, which had just finished furnishing yesterday and was now holding the open house party. It was large enough for three bedrooms, three restrooms, a large kitchen, a bar, a living room which could easily accommodate 60 people, and 30 more guests on the wide terrace. The place looked sharp, dark and cold, as it was furnished mostly in black and shades of gray.

A glass of champagne in my hand, I was squeezed into a corner, surrounded by several young men in neat suits with attention to shower upon me. Still early into the night, I had already refused quite a few offers of handsome jackets from the admirers, enjoying the spotlight my black, revealing dress brought upon me. With my red hair spiked up and slightly pulled back, added with some makeup on, I outshined even some of the models around.

But all of the attention I was getting felt diminutive when compared with the host's few glances from inside the ravish living room. Shizuru, in her jaded pink gown and proper makeup, was standing next to Mayu. Drinks in their hands, both grouped up into a small circle with a few others, having some casual talks. Though seemingly engulfed in the conversation going on, Mayu's fingers were brushing, nearly intervening with Shizuru's idle ones. The touches were so delicate that nobody had noticed it, but became obvious when Mayu quickly leaned away from the actress when her fiancé approached from behind and greeted them both.

The small talks the men around me trying to strike up went through my ears like a breeze. I looked up from Shizuru's said hand to her face, and was struck that she was staring right back at me, catching me in the act. Discreetly, the actress excused herself from the circle and strode towards me, occasionally stopped by a few drunken guests.

"I see you're enjoying the party, Nao. You look ravishing tonight." The smile on Shizuru's curving lips looked so intense in all its subtlety.

Glancing at one another, my admirers greeted Shizuru and excused themselves, leaving some privacy for us. Did they know of the actress' sexual orientation? It wasn't like Shizuru paraded around about it, but the fact that she hadn't dated a single man since she became famous made it a convincing theory. Rumors always found their ways around. Though it would be horrifying to the producers, 'S' was a little too erratic to be categorized and made to follow rules.

My face scrunched up in a fit of contempt at the thought of others having taken me as Shizuru's pet. "Yeah, I look wonderful, all right. You've just ruined the night for me."

Shizuru briefly glanced over her shoulder to see those guys still ogling at me from afar. "They're very attractive."

"Say what? You actually think they're _attractive_?" My eyes widened in mocking surprise.

"I was just being polite," she said with a nonchalant smile, "…with you."

I lightly punched her on the shoulder for playfully taking back her previous compliment on me.

"I don't really recall their names, but I can get their numbers for you… Or is there anyone else you have in mind?"

"Get lost. I don't need anybody's help on it. And since when it's your business to know my type anyway?" I sulked over my drink.

Chuckling merrily, Shizuru moved in close that our faces nearly met each other. "Oh, please don't be angry tonight. I'm running out of tricks to make you smile." Her whisper lingering along my neck, I had to grit my teeth to kill the smile that threatened to surface.

Suddenly, my body froze, not daring to turn. It must have been the darkness of the night. It must have been the crowded terrace that Shizuru took the opportunity to discreetly snake her arm around my waist. Her hand came to rest on my tummy, yet the touch felt a bit rough, unlike her warm breath on my cheek.

"Hello, Luca."

I snapped when I heard Shizuru speaking over my head. Sharply turning to the other side, I found a tall, dark-haired man standing next to me, and it was, indeed, his arm that was around my waist.

"What the hell are you doing!? Get your hand off me!" I backed away so fast that I stumbled back into Shizuru instead.

Raising her champagne up to avoid spilling, the actress caught me in a hug, giggling at my reaction.

The man raised his hands up as if confronting a police, a wide smile on his charming, bearded face. His short, dark hair matched the sleek suit he was wearing, golden rings adorning his thick fingers. He appeared to be in his early forties, but muscular and athletic for a man his age.

"Oooh! I am Luca! You do not remember me, Ms. Yuuki? This is a tragedy!" Luca spoke with thick, Italian accent. "We met two months ago at one of your shootings. I am a friend of the producer!"

According to Luca, that night was the second time we met. This man could pass as my relatively young father, but his demeanor was amiable enough to get away with it. He was fast to get acquainted with me again and befriended the actress in the process. Not only he joined the party tonight with a brand-new movie offer, he whistled at his young, European friend, who butted in on cue and introduced herself to the rising star. I swore there were sparks flying off the moment Shizuru gazed into the leggy blonde's eyes.

"Eh-loo, Ace. Av herd so march abewt yul. Ples, coll me… _Angelica_," the blue-eyed devil said, flashing her swimsuit-model smile.

_Eeeew. _I inwardly winced at the heavy French accent._ Or was it Russian?_

It was true that Nobu often politely reminded Shizuru that she was still too new in this industry to play hard to get, and that the fans did not take kindly of arrogance. It had been months, and 'S' needed new tricks to feed the public soon. However, it wasn't a movie offer that interested the actress, but Luca's sexy pal.

Fair enough. Luca did his homework after all.

In less than two weeks, Shizuru signed a contract to star in a new film, 'Sacrifice', Luca as co-producer. The shooting set to start after New Year, two weeks from now.

"KET UP AT THIS INSTUNT!" Both hands on her hip, Haruka was standing in the middle of Shizuru's new bedroom. The producer's niece made an unannounced visit at six in the morning, expecting the actress to receive her anyway.

Arms across my chest, I was leaning against the doorframe with my droopy eyes, while Yukino was right next to me, appearing to be no more awake than I was. Although my room was opposite to hers, we occasionally shared the bed. An old habit was hard to kick, indeed, and it always felt a bit safer to feel a familiar presence when waking up in the morning. In this large penthouse, we only had each other.

Shizuru flipped to lie on her back and rubbed her eyes. "Haruka…? What time…? God, who let you in?"

Tears in my eyes, I raised one hand as I yawned, guilty as charged.

"Superb." Shizuru flopped back down, groaning into her pillow.

"UP! UP! UP! We have a meeting at eight to disgust the script!" Haruka pulled the blanket so roughly that the force sent the sleeping form rolling off the bed. The actress' head bumped into the small table, knocking off the old lamp Shizuru bought from the motel we used to stay in as a souvenir.

"Ouch." Shizuru rubbed her forehead.

"Haruka-chan!" Yukino covered her mouth with a hand.

"WHAT!?" Haruka snapped.

"It's 'discuss'," Yukino pouted in disapproval.

Rolling my eyes, I walked out to the kitchen to make some tea. All the while, I could hear Shizuru's half-awake yelping and complaints as she tried to crawl back up to bed, struggling with Haruka's pull on her legs.

"No… Please… I've got… hangover…"

"GET UP! NOW!"

"Haruka-chan, please be gentle!"

"I SAID, 'NOW'!"

I took a deep breath in and let it all out. "TEA IS READY!"

"WHY, THANK YOU!" To my surprise, Haruka responded.

The busy morning passed by in a rush. We all got our breakfast brought in by one of several housemaids Shizuru hired for chores, and Haruka successfully delivered the actress to the studio by half past seven.

In the morning hours, Shizuru was tame enough to even consider costarring with Ueda Kaito again since they were such a popular pair onscreen. Sitting around Nobu's desk, the two writers assigned to the script nodded to one another in agreement to Shizuru's choice of costar. Ueda was hotter than hot, only not as much as 'S' was.

Pacing around in his office, Nobu finally found an item he kept on the shelf and gingerly gave Shizuru Kaito's friendly note, congratulating her on her new home.

"But he didn't show up at the party." Shizuru carelessly flipped the white card.

"You didn't exactly invite him, S-san." Nobu smiled timidly, almost bowing as he spoke.

"Oh, I didn't? Very well. That's it, gentlemen. I shall be back on January 2nd. I suppose the rewrite would be finished by then?" Leaving the postcard on Nobu's desk, Shizuru got up from the chair, adjusting her hooded, leather jacket, ready to make leave.

In this WWII drama, 'S' was to star as a selfless young woman who sacrificed her life for her lover, who was a spy overseas. The only problem was that she would not have a tragic end again. Nobu and the writers would have to find a way to rewrite the fate of the heroine to appease the actress' demand.

"If you weren't this ridiculous 'S' entity, you'd be dead a thousand times over. Didn't you see the writers' faces?" I laughed as the four of us left the office together.

"Yeah, I'll kill her myself," Haruka added, pumping her fist.

Shizuru chuckled at the comment. At times, she could care less if 'S' would live or die. It was as though she wanted to get herself fired. It felt as if she hated to walk this glamorous road, but there was nowhere else she could go.

Was there?

"Ah, I almost forgot! I'm going to need those, too." Shizuru moved towards the end of the bed, some folded, casual clothes in one hand. She grabbed the white hairdryer and the new bottle of moose on the futon, and hauled them into the open suitcase on the floor in the middle of the room. I only stood by the door, watching her. The packing was almost done.

"Hmm. I guess that's all I need then." A contented look on her face, Shizuru closed the suitcase and put on her leather jacket. Her flight was three hours away. She would not be flying her private jet since the headlines months ago almost gave her father a heart attack.

"I better go now, or I'll miss the flight. Be good, Nao." Shizuru made her way out with the suitcase in her hand, and suddenly my body acquired a life of its own.

Before I could stop myself, I was literally running after her out towards the elevator. In my pajamas, I was already panting at such a short distance of running along the brightly lit corridor. Whether it was the cold air I breathed in that reminded me of long, lonely days ahead, or the fact that the beautiful assistant, Mayu, would be accompanying Shizuru to Kyoto this time around, I had yet to know.

I stuck my foot between the elevator doors, causing them to snap open again. Alarmed, Shizuru quickly pressed the 'open' button, looking at me quizzically.

"You'll come back, won't you…?" I breathed.

Shizuru raised her brows in amusement.

"Won't you?" I watched her eyes narrow down in thoughts. Her deep gaze never left me, and I felt the world had shrunk down into this quiet corridor and a stopped elevator.

Eventually, Shizuru let go off the 'open' button, winking. "I'll be back before you know it."

Down the rough road ahead, Shizuru got a few temporary stops to make—to regain her spirit during the seasonal holidays. She was going to visit Kyoto for the first time since her parents' divorce to celebrate her birthday and Christmas with her father. Even though I was tempted to tag along, I, too, had a stop to make—to discover new things and hopes I never knew existed.

I had settled for a date with 'Chess'.

"He's going to be here any minute now, and I don't even know what he looks like!" I grunted into my cell phone. 'Penumbra', the other caller I frequented, was on the line, acting as my confidant this evening.

Looking left and right, I stood in front of a shopping mall, actually arriving ten minutes earlier than scheduled. It must be the urge to leave the deserted penthouse that had made me punctual.

'Calm down. I'm sure he'll recognize you somehow. Did you tell him what you look like?'

"This is a bad, bad, _bad_ idea. I'm going home now." I let out a puff, shivering under my white coat.

'I thought you liked him. What's his name again?'

"_Daisuke!_ I told you many times before. When will you remember that?" I checked my makeup in the mirror again, trusting that I dressed fine since I had already garnered quite a few complimentary glances from passersby.

"Nao-chan?"

At the voice interrupting, I froze.

_Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is he ugly!? _I squinted at the reflection on the mirror, trying to draw out the shadowy outline behind me.

"Talk to you later," I whispered into the phone and quickly hung up.

Slowly, I turned around to see a teenage boy, who looked to be around Shizuru's age. He had tan skin, his short hair dyed blond. He sported a pair of denim jeans and a college, baseball team jacket. His dark eyes smiled at me as he took a small step back.

"Na—Nao-chan?" His gaze said it all; I was a pleasant surprise to him.

"Well, hello." I smiled and took my time to study him. He wasn't anything handsome, but was nowhere near hideous that I had to wonder why he had been so lonely. And from his observant gaze, I knew he was wondering the same thing about me. Maybe we just couldn't fit in. Maybe the ones we were looking for just couldn't see us the way we looked at each other now.

Whichever way it was, Daisuke and I headed off to a Mexican restaurant around the corner. We continued our conversations as if we were still on the 'Heavenly Night Call' line, acting as friends that might become something more. It was frighteningly new, absolutely too cautious a step I wasn't sure how to walk this path. It gave me time to plan out my next moves, choosing specific words and topic of interests to impress him or even myself. It gave me time to ponder if I was to be loved for the first time.

"Anything you'd like to see?" he asked, smiling as I slipped my arm around his. Slowly, we made our way into a movie theater. It was only eight o'clock, and we didn't feel the rush to go home. He didn't have to make another night call, and I didn't have to lure men into an alley and trick them. We both felt normal tonight.

I carefully chose a chick flick, the genre that I'd usually fall asleep after fifteen minutes or so. After all, I wasn't entirely comfortable to let it all out yet. Sometimes it just felt more comfortable to pretend to be someone else, and I always liked to be one step ahead. This could be real. Yes, it could.

Successfully, I stayed awake throughout the whole movie. Daisuke did complain a little that the movie was too long for two hours of no actual storyline. We laughed in agreement, and he began to walk me back to the penthouse.

"Whoa. You live here? For real?" Daisuke looked up at the tall building, reluctant to even go near the entrance to the lush lobby. The doorman inside already took note of our lingering presence out on the sidewalk.

"It's my friend's place. Akiko. I told you about her," I said, looking away briefly, afraid he'd caught my lie. For some strange reasons, I found it harder and harder to deceive each day passed. I had no guilt. I felt no shame if someone would be hurt by my deception. I never realized that the truth could be so preciously rare.

Until I knew _her_.

"She must be filthy rich then. Are you sure she's just a part-time model—uh—" Daisuke stopped, thoughts flashing before his dark gaze. He must have taken 'Akiko' as one of those beautiful models who lived off a rich man's generosity.

I didn't say anything. I gave him no excuse. For a while, I just stood there, waiting for him to spill something nasty—something mean that might have hurt my feelings even. After all, my part-time job as 'Widowmaker' wasn't anything to brag about, and he already knew it too well.

"Is she home?"

I slightly raised my brows as I could only wonder so much what he had in mind for our first date. I mentally laughed at myself. This was a blind date between two desperate people, and there was nothing to do with love.

"No, she isn't. Why?" I smiled, throwing my head slightly to the side. If he took this as a subtle invitation, I wouldn't mind.

"There's a park not far from here. Let's take a walk. I'll keep you company until she's back."

There wasn't a hint of lies in his eyes when he spoke, and his earnest intention caught me off-guard. I inhaled a deep breath, unsure whether to feel relieved or saddened. For a split second, I thought we would break down and tear our masks off, showing our true, ugly selves. It looked like I got another day to pretend—to dream.

"Yes, I'd like to take a walk," I quietly replied. I tightened my grip around his arm and put up a smile as we began to walk towards the park.

We had a long walk in the park, passing several young and old couples on this winter night. It was rather cold, but I felt oddly warmed by the seasonal songs that were being softly played through the public speakers. We even took a few pictures with our cell phone by the giant Christmas tree at the entrance before heading back.

"Well, it's been a great… a great day. I… Can I call you again?" Daisuke timidly scratched his head. We were standing by the door to the penthouse building. He had refused to come in.

"You do that." I grinned and then gave him a peck on the cheek.

Daisuke shot back from the contact, blushing as he stuttered. "I—I—I'm le—leaving now. G—good night!" With that, he turned and ran down the street, eventually out of my sight. I was more than certain that he would call as 'Daisuke', and not 'Chess', from now on.

It was nearly midnight when I opened the door to the penthouse to find a dark, quiet room. The Christmas songs still echoed in my head, and I hummed along them. I put the key on the side table along the doorway and moved into the kitchen to get some drink from the refrigerator. Tonight was so quiet. So very quiet that I could hear the sound of wind pushing against the glassy sliding door to the terrace.

"Welcome home."

"Oh, Jesus!" I gasped in fright, almost dropping the wine glass. Turning around, I found Shizuru in her black trench coat stalking across the room to the couch. Her long hair was windswept, and she appeared a bit pale even in the dark.

"What are you doing here!? You scared the hell out of me!" My heart beat faster than it meant to. She was supposed to spend the whole holidays with her father and that woman, Mayu, but I wasn't about to send her back to Kyoto though.

"Might I have a glass, too?" Shizuru rubbed her face, leaning back into the big couch and lifting her feet to rest on the low table.

"You just got back? I didn't hear you." I quickly poured another glass. Handing her the drink, I sat down next to her, leaving very little space between us but just enough not to make her notice.

"Thank you." Shizuru took the glass from my hand.

"I thought your flight was on January 2nd," I said, studying her indifferent gaze. There were dark circles around her eyes and her lips were dry.

"My dad gave me a scooter bike for my birthday, so I thought it'd be fun to ride it back here. I was right." Her cheerful smile did little to convince me, but at least, she tried.

I sat back in the couch, and we both looked out to the wonderful view of Tokyo city. "What about your suitcase?" I drummed my fingers along the edge of the couch.

"That's not a problem."

"What about Mayu-san?"

"She's not my problem."

Silence fell upon us, and I was never somewhat this glad for it. For as long as we could take it, both of us just let minutes passed without words. She didn't need to lie if she didn't want to tell me about it. I didn't need to pretend that I had wished for her holidays with Mayu to go well. And quite seriously, I sort of wanted Shizuru to know.

"Did you see the Christmas tree at the park?" Shizuru asked. In the dim room, Shizuru sipped her wine, and I glanced to admire her slender fingers around the fragile glass.

"No. Christmas tree is not my thing."

"It's pretty! It's bigger than the one we saw in Kyoto." Shizuru leaned forwards and looked back at me over her shoulder. Her gaze had lightened up.

I shook my head, looking away in disinterest. However, my body suddenly stiffened at the mischievous pull on my hands. She had stood up and tried to drag me off the couch.

"Oh, please, don't look so glum and scary. Save it for Halloween. It's Christmas!"

"I'd pick a pumpkin over a tree anytime. You go ahead."

Shizuru briefly glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, and then turned back to me. She still had my hands in hers. "We still got ten minutes before Christmas is over. Come on. I'll take you on my new bike. You'll love it!"

I could feel my cheeks growing hot for some unknown reason, but I hope that she couldn't see it in the dark. I faked a pout and stood up. "All right. Ten minutes. It's freakin' cold out there."

With a childlike grin on her face, Shizuru let go off my hands and tightened her coat, getting ready to go out again. "Where had you been tonight?"

"Luca's." Unfortunately, the guy's name just came out at the top of my head, and I inwardly sighed.

"Luca?"

If I wasn't mistaken, Shizuru almost looked shocked at my reply. But she kept her tone even as usual.

I took a good look at her new trench coat, and decided it wasn't enough for the cold wind tonight. The fact that she was able to ride her bike from Kyoto in these clothes startled me. No wonder she looked like a wreck now. Seeing that tonight was as though destined for all the misfortunes to happen, I spun around and sprinted into my room.

"Where are you going? We only got ten minutes," Shizuru called out after me. And she looked puzzled when I came out of my room again with a wrapped box in my hands.

In the dark, I found my utmost courage to look at her in the eyes and moved to stand so close in front of her. I held up the box to her, motioning her to take it. Admittedly, I had no particular date in mind when to present the gift to her, but tonight just felt like it.

Glancing at me quizzically, Shizuru opened the present right away. As soon as she got a hold of the gray, wool sweater, she tossed the wrapper to the floor and lifted the sweater up for a closer look. It was so soft and warm as I remembered it, and I knew she felt it, too. She ran her hand over the sweater and, after a while, looked up at me.

"150,300 Yen on my credit card bill. I never bought anything this expensive for myself." Shizuru smirked as she caught me.

"But the bill didn't get your attention, did it?"

"Of course, it did. I still remember it. I was shocked."

"You were in Stockholm, and you were shocked to see the bill?"

"I think it was Madrid. Yes…" Shizuru continued to scrutinize the clothing.

I shrugged. "But you paid it anyway, while you didn't call to rant or anything… I couldn't buy you."

Shizuru laughed merrily. "You bought me a present with my own money! You're sweet, Nao. Thank you." Her sudden hug caught me off-guard that I didn't know what to do but try not to drop to my knees. But the embrace came as fast as it went. Shizuru took off her trench coat and quickly put on the sweater, patting herself a few times to feel it against her skin.

Shizuru looked up at me and grinned. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you, too." I said as I couldn't stop smiling. The sweater fit her perfectly and she looked happy like a child getting a present.

We hurried out of the penthouse and went down to the parking level of the building. Out into the street, Shizuru took me for a ride on her red Vespa. She was a little shaky at first, but became steady in no time. I figured she was a fast learner, and she must have noticed already that I was a close observant. I observed too much for my own good. She sped faster as time was running out, and we laughed at the cold wind against our faces. I had my arms around her waist, and she had my heart in her hold.

"I see it! We're almost there!" Shizuru grinned at the sight of the huge Christmas tree emerging at the corner of the street. Her excitement caused the bike to wobble, and while I screamed in fright, she just laughed. She must have flaunted too much, swerving left and right that the cars behind us began to honk in disapproval.

"Sorry!" Giggling, Shizuru even waved at the cars.

"Stop it, Shizuru! We're going to crash!"

Another motorbike, perhaps ticked by the display, raced to Shizuru's and cut in before her, causing the red Vespa to sway to the side.

I squeezed my eyes shut, tightened my arms around her. "Ahhhhhhh! I think I'm going to fall," I shouted against the loud engines and honking, "in love with you!"

"Sorry!" Shizuru sped up even more, and I had to laugh in agonizing relief that she didn't catch it.

Some people said that love only came once in your life, and I couldn't believe that I just watched it pass me by.

_That's bullshit. Absolute crap. Nobody's ever been in love. Nobody. Nobody knows what love is because it's not real. It doesn't happen to you, or me, or them. People try to make it poetic because it's not real. They say it can't be defined. They say it's so profound, but nobody ever dies from love._

Shizuru admitted at the Christmas tree that she felt the need to leave Kyoto and was thankful to see me here, waiting for her. I told her that I wasn't waiting for her; I just happened to be there. She didn't argue with me, or she just didn't care. We walked around a bit and decided to sit on the bench in the park. For a good amount of time, she just stared at the snow at her feet in silence.

'She told me this morning that she's getting married.' Shizuru finally spoke. Her gaze was as cold as ice as she continued, 'Why did she have to go all the way with me to Kyoto to tell me that?'

Then I realized that Shizuru had hope. Much to my dismay, she did hope for the thing between Mayu and her to be real. And I realized then just how easily people gave hope to others and destroyed it at their conveniences. Without much consideration. Without a heart. Did she know that she was doing exactly the same thing to me?

'Do you love her?' I blurted out the question, looking down at the snowy path.

Turning to me, Shizuru knitted her brows. 'Who?'

'Never mind.' I looked the other way. Perhaps, it didn't really matter if it was Kuga Natsuki, the assistant, or her mother. Shizuru ran first, thought later.

"They say it's so profound, but nobody ever dies from love," I said, my cell phone between my ear and left shoulder. 'Penumbra' was on the other end of the line for the second time tonight, and the subject of my date with 'Chess' was one of the hot topics.

'People can't hurt you when you're not there anymore.'

"Oh, yeah, they can, baby. Distance doesn't always help." Lying on the bed, I had a bag of chips and a bottle of cold beer next to me. Shizuru had already turned in after the long shower. "Hmm. This is good! Hmm…" I chewed some more chips.

'It's better if you don't see their faces anymore, so you can forget easier. And please don't talk about food at this time of night. I'm getting hungry myself.'

I glanced at the alarm clock on the side table near my bed and noted that it was already four o'clock in the morning. But I felt my energy overcharged. I had the first real date with a nice guy today, and I had the person I missed most back tonight. I didn't want to sleep.

"I don't know, Penumbra. But I'd never give them up. Why the hell should you run away from what you want? That's stupid."

Penumbra laughed and mocked, 'By the way, they also say that love is the purest form of sacrifice.'

Chortling, I popped another chip into my mouth. "Sacrifice…? Not my thing."


	4. C3: Secrets

**CHAPTER 3: Secrets**

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Fujino Shizuru had many secrets, and she rarely shared them with anyone. The smashing success of 'Sacrifice', the constant rumors regarding her love life, and a dubious relationship with her assistant had all failed to revolutionize a closet hermit she truly was. No one really ever knew her secrets, but everyone wanted a piece of it.

As if Suzushiro Haruka wasn't enough of an annoyance to Shizuru, I had recently discovered myself following the blonde's path. Although Shizuru always determined to honor her commitments, the endless string of parties eventually tired her psyche. Mayu alone wasn't able to handle the actress' hedonistic lifestyle, so it came down to Haruka and me to help out at times.

"Rehearsal tomorrow at six o'clock sharp. You got that?" I took a look over my tiny, green scratch pad, which I found useful to keep it in my pocket these days.

"Why don't you get a palm? It'd make your life easier. I'll tell Nobu-san." Comfortable in the seat next to me, Shizuru was reading a new movie script offered to her last week.

We were on Nobu's private jet, heading for Okinawa. Sitting opposite to us was a sleeping Yukino, her head resting against Haruka's shoulder. Although the flight was slightly less than three hours, Yukino hadn't had much sleep the past weeks due to upcoming exams. The four of us dressed in polite gowns to attend a wedding today.

Shizuru glanced up at Haruka, who was also reading another copy of the same script. "Why didn't you get Nao a palm?" she asked.

Haruka lowered the bound stack of papers, her brows furrowed. "I did."

As soon as Shizuru turned to me, I looked away. "I lost it. But I prefer this little pad anyway. It's easy."

Giggling, Shizuru looked back at Haruka. "Nao likes being primitive. That's new."

At the harmless mockery, I elbowed her ribs, and she yelped. "Six o'clock _sharp_. Got it?"

"But nobody wakes up that early," Shizuru pleaded.

Whatever. I knew she would never miss it. Success after success, Shizuru had not lost her dedication despite the impression of her being a loose canon. She may have been demanding with producers and studio heads, but she returned them with high-quality performances and profits. More often than not, she amazed the directors and crews by looking brilliant and staying sharp without any sleep for 48 hours straight.

"There's no need for that face. We're just worried that you might disappear like that again," Haruka said, keeping her gaze on the script. As the producer's niece, she wanted an opinion on the follow-up offer.

Shizuru stared at her friend at the rise of _the_ topic again. "Haruka shouldn't look so glum and serious. I showed up, didn't I?" She let out an agitated sigh and looked out the window. "And I still make money for your uncle."

Haruka sharply looked up from the script. "Who said anything about money?"

"Isn't it the only thing you people worry about? How much 'S' is worth, and how could she make more? More. Always more."

"That's low, even from you." Haruka gritted her teeth. To my surprise, the blonde was still able to stay in her seat, not jumping at the actress and breaking the bitch's neck. I was sure that it wasn't the seat belt that stopped Haruka, but the head of the sleeping girl resting on her shoulder.

"For God's sake, Shizuru! After all that have happened, how dare you to accept their invitation!?" Haruka burst out, clenching her fists. If one could count on Haruka for something, it was her virtue.

_The_ infamous episode occurred three months ago. It was the night before the shooting of 'Sacrifice' started. Shizuru disappeared and had her cell phone turned off. Mayu, whose duty was to track down the actress, also disappeared until the next morning. As far as the story went, 'S' planned to have a dinner date with Angelica, Luca's model friend (or bait), that night. The fact that the three of them had their cell phones turned off by midnight spurned all sorts of rumors. Nasty gossips and naughty ones alike, Mayu spent hours on the phone with her fiancé that nothing of that sort happened.

"Well, it is what it is. An invitation. They invited me." Shizuru leaned back in her seat, shrugging slightly. Until now, she had offered no explanation of what really happened. As long as she got her works done consummately, everything else was nobody's concern.

"You are her boss! She couldn't refuse you, could she!? Have you ever thought about other people? How Kenji-san might feel? You'll make him into a joke for being there today!" Haruka was already leaning forwards in her seat, red in her face.

Shizuru took a sip of her hot tea, studying Haruka with curiosity. "I'm not sure what you're talking about. Mayu is her own woman—"

"You've been taking advantage of her!" Haruka was so enraged now that I had to lean forwards, putting myself in front of Shizuru a little just in case the blonde might jump at her.

"I called her yesterday to tell her that I preferred not to go," Shizuru said, idly putting the plastic cup down at the armrest again. "But she said she wanted me there. She said she needs me, not him."

Haruka and I stopped, our faces turning cold at the triumphant smile that slowly graced over Shizuru's lips. She had made it clear that she would not solely take the blame for the mess, and that she hardly gave a damn if anyone else would fall with her (but some people would be willing to without being manipulated, I was sure of that).

"It's kind of you to come all the way to Okinawa, Fujino-san." Yukimura Kenji, the groom, bowed to greet us as we entered the white-sand-beach garden of a lush hotel. The patio area was decorated especially for the wedding today. Okinawa was his hometown and he wanted to have the ceremony here.

While Shizuru and Kenji were being polite to each other, engaged in a small talk, Mayu never took her eyes off the guest. The bride looked striking in the white gown, her long hair pulled up into a bun, decorated with white flowers. Though Mayu did her very best to hide the lust in her eyes, it appalled me just to see the three of them in such phony manners. There was something I must admit never having bested Shizuru: she faked it like no one could.

'_I am completely devoted to you, 'S'. I bought 'She' DVD and every magazine that got you on the cover! I am a webmaster of 'S' unofficial fansite. Please visit when you have time. We got thousands of members already after launching the site for only a few weeks! For us, 'S' stands for smart, sexy and stunning. We love you!_' Shizuru was laying flat on the bed, giggling as she turned to me after reading one of the fan letters.

She would have a huge pile dropped by her door every morning. As far as I knew, she must have been the only star who actually read fan mails. At night, whenever she wanted to steer clear of parties, she would have a cup of tea by her side and read them.

Sitting with my laptop at the desk by the window, I instantly minimized the 'S' unofficial fansite page before turning to her. I couldn't let her know that I was one of the site members, or she'd make fun of it to death.

'For your information, 'S' stands for stupid, selfish and sleazy. Enough of those corny letters already,' I said, sticking out my tongue.

'That's harsh. You've just hurt my feelings. People have feelings, Nao.' Rolling on the bed, Shizuru fumbled for more letters to read. Obviously, she wasn't hurt by my choice of words. For some reasons, nothing could really grab her attention anymore. The emptiness inside had become the greatest defense she had found.

"Would you care for a dance?"

The question pulled my thought back to the beautiful beach, and I looked up from my champagne. Sitting at the designated table with a grumpy Haruka and a sleepy Yukino, I knew a few others at the tables nearby. I spotted a few photographers I worked with before, and a busy Luca chatting with his business partners several tables away. Luca had yet to notice my presence, and I really didn't want any distraction at the moment. To my resentment, the groom still smiled and laughed with his relatives and guests. It made me wonder what had gone through his mind when his bride moved from the long table she was seated with him.

"Would you care for a dance?" Mayu had a wide smile on her face as she approached my table and extended her hand to the young woman next to me.

Shizuru looked around as though she wasn't even sure if the bride was talking to her. The brief flash of genuine oblivion in her eyes rendered her almost an innocent child that would have made it hard to chastise her. And Mayu must have seen what I saw; her smile hid very little of her adoration. Her heart was blooming, and everyone could feel it. In the sun, she stood, captivated by the aurorally crimson eyes before her.

"Uh, yes. Of course, I should not deny you anything today." Shizuru hurriedly put down the champagne glass. She stood up and wrapped her arm around the bride's waist. She led the dance into the white-sand beach, unafraid of inquisitive eyes—almost careless of anyone's heart.

The music carried on, and the two were dancing in the sun among other pairs who had followed.

Mayu had one hand over Shizuru's shoulder, resting her face against the actress' neck. "Do not deny me," she whispered.

Shizuru looked up from the sand and stared into the pain burning in the bride's eyes. "I cannot."

At the simple response, Mayu swung both arms around Shizuru's neck, clinging to her closer than she had with the groom. But all the intimate displays could do, at best, was intensifying the gossips, and nothing more. The groom kept his smile imprinted on his face like a painfully sharp line carved onto a stone, appearing to be enjoying his champagne for far too much. The guests chatted and laughed with one another like nothing unusual happened. I learned not the truth today, but how people concealed it.

'It's the case when you choose to be loved, rather than to love,' Penumbra said and chortled over the phone. The statement made my face grim. 'She was a girl in my neighborhood. My first crush, and I found out years later that I was hers, too. It should have been simple, right? But it isn't now anyway.'

In my bedroom across the hall from Shizuru's empty one, I sat next to the row of windows, looking down at the night view of Tokyo. A few days after the wedding, Shizuru left with Mayu for South Africa for a new shooting, while I had to have dinner with Kenji-san at the studio tonight. It annoyed me to no end that he still kept his groom smile to this day.

"Coward. You stay with someone you want, not the other way around," I said, tearing open the second bag of chips. Skimming through the calorie label on the back, running a few miles tomorrow might be a good idea.

'I'm getting jealous of Daisuke-kun now. He's one lucky guy!'

At the mention of Daisuke, I closed my eyes for a moment. The BBQ-flavor chips suddenly tasted stale in my mouth. I used to see the world in black and white. But as years passed, I found myself stuck in the dark, unwilling to step into the shades of gray others had learned to dwell in. I could come up with a million reasons why Shizuru and Kuga should not be together despite their feelings for each other. I could foresee the bitter end of Penumbra's secret affair with a childhood crush. I knew that I'd never find someone as devoted to me as Daisuke and knew exactly why I just couldn't love him. Life just decided to go wrong as we grew older.

'Oh? Is something wrong?'

"No. Well—yes. No…! No," I involuntarily stuttered.

'Umm, I'll take that as a 'yes'.'

I opened my eyes again and took in a deep breath. "Yes. Yes. All right. Yes."

'You have me worried here. Are you all right?'

"I'm a buffoon of the world," I replied.

Penumbra laughed.

"I really am," I admitted, "because I don't want to be with him."

Daisuke and I had been dating for three months, and he was head over heels with me. He made me feel pretty. He made me feel wonderful, but I didn't feel as special as I knew I should. Every minute with him became unbearable because I was wasting another minute to be with someone I wish for. Perhaps, Mayu felt the same way with her husband, only she was wiser than I was. She chose to stay with him rather than the one she longed for—the one who did not feel anymore.

The one who had forgotten how to love.

'No, you're not a buffoon. You're actually brave,' Penumbra said.

Funny. Mother always praised me how brave I was when I was a kid. I beat up the boys who tried to play in my spot. I scared the girls away when they tried to tell me how odd I was. My heart was black and blue, and my claws were red and painful. I fought because nobody would for me. I felt just to know how to hurt others. I dared to be honest to know how to lie.

But I was anything but brave.

"I hope it's edible," I said with a dry smile, taking a nearly empty bowl of soup from mother.

Mother looked frail as she lied back down on the bed. There was no compliment as usual, only a small smile she mustered for me. She had fallen ill for the past months, and her absences caused her the job at the factory. The savings could get us going for another month or two, but I had to be real careful of our expenses. There went some of my expensive clothing and jewels, and the electronic palm Haruka got me was sold at a reasonable price. I worked every job Kenji-san and Mayu could get me, and spent more times in Fuuka now that Shizuru started to question. This was one of my secrets I kept from her as I would hate to see her pity me.

_No fucking way…_

With grocery bags in both hands, I stopped dead twenty meters from the front door to my modest home.

Shizuru, in a baseball cap and a pair of green-tinted specs, was leaning against the wall. Her hands were in the pockets of her jeans. She had her long hair pulled up and hid underneath the cap. Her leisure pose fused with her perfect complexion, she easily passed as a lanky boy model in that knee-length, black trench coat. She paused a little when she saw me, and then gleefully approached me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I growled.

"I'm here to see you, of course." Shizuru reached out to take a bag from me. I tried to back away from her, but she was relentless and succeeded in making me into a weak girl who couldn't handle an extra grocery bag.

We hadn't seen each other since her trip to South Africa two months ago. It amazed me that she spared her precious time to pay me a visit today.

"Is your mother home?" she asked.

"Yeah, but she's asleep. She's tired." At the mention of mother, I changed the subject. "Why are you here? Angelica doesn't do your laundry anymore?" I marched into my house with her trailing behind. I had very little time to decide whether my place was ready to receive her. But the grocery bags were, indeed, heavy, and I quickly made my way into the dull, small kitchen.

Shizuru looked around, and I inwardly cringed at the set of unmatched, cheap furniture that would have no place in her luxurious penthouse. Thank God that she had shown no reaction to the dire surrounding and simply put the bag on the round, wooden table.

"Angelica. Angelica." Shizuru muttered the name, smiling lightly. "I never let her touch my things." She took the packs of fresh meat and vegetables out of the bags for me to put them into the fridge.

"Oh…" I swiftly turned around before a smile could appear on my face. I knelt on the floor to arrange the items in the fridge. From the fumbling sounds behind me, I could see her hands moving around the table. I could smell her cheap perfume from where I was. I remembered the soft touch of the old, blue pajamas she often wear the nights she felt the most at ease.

And I still recalled when Daisuke was making love to me on her bed.

As I lied down onto the familiar, creamy bed sheet, I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of her natural scent. My face brushed against the silky blanket we often shared. My body trembled. My heart pounded against my chest, and it ached between my legs.

I clutched and pulled the cover to muffle my moans.

'Shizuru…' I could hardly believe the whisper that had just come out of my mouth. My eyes snapped open, and I noticed Daisuke's sudden pause. He was staring down at me.

'What did you say?' He was staggered as much as I was.

'Shi—Shizuru!' I instantly drew the blanket over my body. Blood shot to my face that I thought my head was going to burst.

Daisuke looked puzzled for a second before he turned to where I was looking. A tall, chestnut-haired woman was standing by the doorway, a luggage in her hand. It must have been a very different image of 'Akiko', my model friend and roommate, he used to envision in his mind. Immediately, he recognized her as 'S', and the realization sent him to his feet.

'Oh—oh—oh! I—I—I—I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!' One hand over his crotch, Daisuke ran to grab his clothes that were scattered around the room.

Shizuru directed her gaze elsewhere as she quietly walked in and put the luggage next to the bed. Under the blanket, I felt horridly naked when she would not look at me. She didn't ask for any excuse, and there was no accusation. No question asked even after Daisuke profusely apologized and left. I wasn't sure if she was upset to see a stranger on _her_ bed, or if she overheard my deepest secret. In fact, I wasn't even sure if she felt anything.

When Shizuru went into a shower, I prepared her a new bed sheet and blanket. I also tidied up the room and left virtually no trace of Daisuke behind, but shamefully prayed that mine still stayed. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I found myself quivering as I stared down at my bare feet. The image of her standing by the doorway kept playing in my head until I felt the nausea coming that I had to stand up and walked around for some air. Before the sound of water running in the bathroom would stop, I packed a few belongings and left for Fuuka.

"I talked to Mai-san last night, and she said you've moved back here. 'Moved', that's what she said," Shizuru muttered. There was a tinge of disbelief in her tone.

I looked over my shoulder to look at her. She continued to arrange the items.

"I thought you were with your boyfriend. What's his name?" Shizuru turned, and our gazes locked.

"Daisuke." I tried to read her face, but her placid facial expression was intact.

There was a moment of silence before she said, "You didn't leave me a note. You didn't call."

"You didn't call either." I mentally smacked myself in the head. I should have just dropped the subject as I didn't really want to remember how I checked my mobile day and night for her sign.

Shizuru brushed her nose a little. "I wasn't mad at you, Nao. You didn't have to tell me about him. Like I said, I thought you were with him, so I didn't want to bother you. Mayu said you still accepted some jobs, but you always left as soon as the work was done. I didn't believe that you actually moved back here. I still got your things—"

"Jesus, you're unbelievable." Cursing under my breath, I turned back to the task at hand.

Shizuru was not one of the hardest-working student council presidents, but she was the most popular for her uncanny efficiency. She never received the highest grade in class, but she was the best student because she learned, not only memorized. She was not the most talented actress on earth, but she was one of the best performers because she knew just how to mesmerize the audiences.

But even a scholar could falter, and Shizuru failed to see through some of the things most would pick up. It would take a simple phone call to know that I wasn't living happily ever after with Daisuke, but really damning myself in misery. It would take just one fucking phone call to know that Kuga wasn't lusting after boys and celebrating her youth, but realizing now how life would always feel dead without her.

During the two months that I had been back, I often hung out with Mai and Tate, and once met Kuga and her new boyfriend as well. I must admit that she not only had great taste in men, but also women, considering the cute waitress who tried to flirt with her at the Korean restaurant that night.

The way Kuga glanced at the waitress struck me as odd when it felt as if she even enjoyed the tease to some extent. Her boyfriend didn't pick up any hint. He was so sure of himself, even more so than the handsome Matsuoka, whom Kuga dumped after about six months of dating. But all the joys were short-lived when Mai had to ruin the little moment Kuga could allow herself to be, well…, herself.

'How is Shizuru-san? We haven't heard from her in a long time.' Mai asked in the middle of the table, and our fun dinner abruptly came to an end.

One arm around Mai's shoulder, Tate compressed his lips and closed his eyes. His face twisted as if he was in pain.

Kuga's boyfriend kept smiling, looking clueless. To be honest, he didn't look that interested in the subject. But I felt my skin burning when Kuga's head snapped at the question. Her beautiful eyes narrowed as she watched my lips, counting every millisecond for me to give her some news, to tell her that Shizuru still wanted to come back to her.

'All I can say is… Everything you read in the gossip column, believe it.' I popped a meatball into my mouth and chewed.

Gasping, Mai turned to Tate. 'My God, she's got loads of girlfriends like they said then! She's a real naughty girl. Naughty!' She pouted in her motherly way, shaking her head disapprovingly.

Kuga's boy toy sipped his beer. 'Who are you guys talking about, sweetheart?'

'_Sweetheart_.' I echoed and laughed, earning a deadly glare from Kuga.

'Just some old friend of ours,' Kuga said, sharply looking away. Her brows came together in one dramatic line. 'So… What's she been up to?'

I glanced up at her, surprised that she dared to ask the question herself. It had been more than a year and a half since Shizuru settled in Tokyo, and Kuga must have felt readier to move on.

'She's busy and all. I don't know how she manages to work and have a life at the same time. She's got a lot on her mind. Sometimes I think she even invites the troubles in herself,' I said earnestly, picking the noodles with my chopsticks. I wasn't exactly in the mood to screw Kuga's mind since I wasn't particularly over the incident in Tokyo. It hurt just to think of her—how she didn't ask a thing, how she just didn't care.

I glanced up a little to see the contemplative look in Kuga's eyes. I could see endless trains of thoughts crashing into one another in her pensive gaze, trying to decipher the meaning of it—desperate to know whether she was still in Shizuru's heart and mind.

'Her number was always on voicemail—' But Kuga was interrupted by the soft call of my name.

'Nao-chan…?'

At the familiar voice, I turned to see Daisuke in a brown jacket and a pair of denim jeans. He had his backpack hanging over his shoulder, his face reddened from the cold wind outside. He looked quite out of breath, and I was pretty certain that he had been looking for me from place to place. Mother must have told him where I was.

My friends at the table looked puzzled by Daisuke's sudden appearance, waiting for me to introduce him to them. But Daisuke wasn't really paying any attention to them. He just stared at me as though there were only the two of us in the restaurant. There were dark circles around his eyes, his shoulders rigid.

'Why didn't you answer my calls?' He asked the question I dreaded the most. Not because I didn't have an answer, but he had to ask it in front of all these people. 'Is it because of her? Is she here with you? I'd like to talk to her. I need some explanations, Nao-chan. I went back to her penthouse but the security guards wouldn't let me in.'

I didn't know what to make of my face now that all eyes were upon me.

Kuga lifted her cold gaze up and glowered at me. Her lips quivered a little before she asked, 'Who is he talking about?'

I rubbed my temples, looking away from the accusing look. Why did she look at me like I betrayed her? We were never friends. Ever. I would have let the question unanswered. I would have let her curiosity kill her hope. I would have been 'brave' to steal what wasn't mine.

Daisuke turned to Kuga. 'I'm talking about Shizuru-san. Do you know her, too?'

Kuga let a moment to sink it all in, and we all fell silent. To our surprise, she quietly got up from the table and left. Her boyfriend quickly paid for their share and followed her out. Mai and Tate politely left the scene soon afterwards.

The night ended with Daisuke and me occupying the table, engaged in our conversation, some little explanations and silence until we were the last to leave the restaurant. That night ended with my first, real hope to feel normal crashing at an intersection. It was so predictable, but I just couldn't escape it. I saw the trouble right in front of me, but my heart foolishly welcomed it.

Kneeling on the floor, I glanced over my shoulder to watch Shizuru. Her back was facing me. Her hands were jiggling over the groceries.

"I missed you." Her whisper would have been lost in the slow blow of the wind, but I caught it.

I wasn't as brave as mother or Penumbra thought I was. During our last dinner, I did ask Daisuke to call me again as 'Chess'. Losing him felt dreadful all of a sudden. He had become a friend whom I had reluctantly grown to depend on. He had filled in the vacant place by my side. He had been the one who was concerned over my difficulties and mother's heath. He asked me to forget it.

I soon found myself quite alone in Fuuka, watching my mother confined to bed. I soon found my life as bitter and the world as scary as it once was. The alley was dark, yet I just couldn't seem to walk to the light at the end of the tunnel.

"I missed you, too." My whisper was equally soft, but I knew she heard it.

Shizuru turned slightly and our gazes met. It felt new every time she laid her eyes upon me. For some strange reasons, it felt so secured just to know that she had noticed. Her steady gaze was a promise that everything would be all right.

"Mai is coming for dinner tonight. Will you stay?" I asked.

I was relatively certain that Kuga would not tag along. Although Mai and I had talked about the dinner incident, that it was all a misunderstanding on Daisuke's part, Kuga had yet to talk to me since. Kuga insisted that she couldn't care less of what happened between Shizuru and me, but nobody believed her. She was a lousy liar when she adamantly refused to go anywhere with me again. She distrusted me, and I despised her luck.

Shizuru raised her brows. "I don't think so. I've got a place to go. Actually, I'm running late."

"Huh. Where are you going?"

Shizuru being late was a bit of a surprise, and it only intensified my joy to know that she chose to be late to her appointment just to see me and tell me that she had missed me.

I faked a pout. "Urgh. Please don't tell me you're going to stalk Kuga again. She'll be at the fencing club until six, by the way."

Chortling, Shizuru got up and looked around a bit. She wasn't disturbed by my statement. It was no secret now that I'd been checking and seeing all the motels in Fuuka listed in her credit card bills. "Nobu-san got a place up over the hill to show me. He said it's a nice piece of estate."

"You are shopping for a home again!?" My jaw dropped in amazement.

"You sound like Haruka now. Come on. I'm just looking. Chance is I won't take it. I'm not here anymore." Shizuru made her way towards the front door. "I'll come back in an hour to pick you up, ok?"

I sprinted out of the kitchen, following her to the door. "What do you mean picking me up?"

Turning to me, Shizuru tightened her cap a little, making sure her cover was still intact. "I thought you wanted to go back with me. Please don't make me beg," she spoke in a low voice, looking left and right as if my rejection would make her look bad.

"What about dinner with Mai?"

"Call her. Tell her you're leaving." Shizuru grinned.

I rolled my eyes. 'S' had the tendency to overlook others' priority at times, and I wondered why she was always forgiven. Possibly, it was her silly way of making us feel important. Perhaps, it was her childish gripes that read to us as endearing pleas.

"No, I can't," I said. I couldn't believe how much effort I spent to reject her, but I couldn't leave mother until she got better. Behind the specs, she frowned like a frustrated puppy that I had to laugh. "Go now. You're already late." A smile on my face, I lightly pushed her arm.

"I'm mad now. Don't call me tonight because I'm gonna turn off all my phones. I got six of them. I'm going to turn them all off, I warn you." Shizuru pretended to shake her head.

"I thought you got seven." I chuckled, my arms across my chest, fighting the urge to pull her in and never let go. Seriously, I sometimes lost track of how many cell phones she carried with her. She never bought expensive mobiles. Having to travel a lot, losing some became inevitable.

"Let go of my hands!" A distant shout erupted amidst the sound of hurried footsteps.

"Why do you have to be so difficult? She's our friend!"

Having caught the familiar voices, Shizuru froze. She stared blankly at me as I stared at her. We both didn't have to look to know whose voices they were. Mai was always early as she loved to help me prepare supper and such. But she had to drag Kuga around this time, possibly in an attempt to end our dispute.

Shizuru took in a deep breath before turning to see the sources of voices.

"This is it, Mai! I told you, I don't want to see her! Now, my teacher will be very mad because I'm so freakin' late, and it's all because of you!" Down the small road, Kuga spun on her heels and marched back down the road, failing to notice us. She kept yelling something that grew incoherent to us as the distance grew.

Mai was about to turn around to follow her friend, but she stopped when she spotted us in front of my house. Without a thought, I grabbed Shizuru with both hands and turned her to me, pressing my lips against hers.

"Na—" Caught off-guard, Shizuru had no time to accept or refuse. She only stood there, confined in my strong grip that could grow so frail if only she spoke the name.

_Natsuki? Nao? _

I closed my eyes as I dared not to stare into hers. She did not touch me. She did not kiss me back. But I could feel her reluctance to break away. I could feel her heartbeat racing against mine.

A moment had passed, and I left the warmth of her lips and surged back to reality. I opened my eyes to see the stunned look on her face. The look that questioned every reason existed. The look that betrayed a child's innocence. The look that said she would never have expected it in a million years.

I involuntarily took a step back, my body shaken from the truth in her eyes. As she took a step towards me, I hugged myself. She suddenly felt so large like a gruesome giant, coming forth to invade my space.

Shizuru shook her head. "You didn't mean it."

_My God, she didn't hear it…_

I failed to provide an immediate answer, and humiliation chained my legs from running away. She didn't hear me whispering her name that night she walked in on Daisuke and me. She always thought of me and put me before others just because I happened to be by her side, in someone else's place. She came here really just to tell me that she missed me and nothing more. After all this time, she had never suspected my feeling for her. Throughout our good and bad times, she never had a fucking clue.

"Quite a nice distraction, wasn't it?" I straightened myself up. I wasn't blushing. I knew that for certain as my body felt so cold inside out. I then gestured at Mai, who had already disappeared down the road with Kuga. There was a strong chance that Mai had seen the kiss, or else she would have approached us.

"I didn't need distraction." Shizuru continued to stare at me. She was unabashed by the kiss. She had kissed many men and women, privately and professionally, that a kiss was just, what it was, a kiss.

I shrugged. "Kuga doesn't want to see me. She despises me."

Shizuru had a smile on her face at the thought of her 'Natsuki'. "Please, she doesn't hate you. She's probably—"

"Do you really know her now? She's changed, you know. A lot."

At the statement, she looked away, hands in her pockets. The fact that they both had grown so far apart successfully tore her burning stare from me. "I… I can't call her. Natsuki, she—"

"You could, but he might pick up the phone."

Shizuru fixed her gaze down at her feet, her face as impassive as ever.

"She's got a new boyfriend. We went out. All of us. We went out for a dinner once." I perked my chin up, feeling almighty now that I was holding the information she was dying to know.

Shizuru looked up at me for a moment. I couldn't tell if she was loathing me for it, or if she was waiting to hear more.

But the forlorn look in her eyes had my soul bared, and I said, "She… She didn't say it, but I knew that she missed you."

Shizuru didn't have much to say afterwards. She quietly left. I didn't know if she still went to her late appointment, but she didn't come back to pick me up as said earlier. Between the two of us, I was never a better liar. It was going to be difficult to be around her from now on. It was going to be really hard to look at her in the eye and pretended that the kiss was just a kiss.

Weeks that followed were filled with my phone calls that were never answered, and emails that were never replied. It seemed that I had become the second Kuga, banned from Shizuru's life. Fear had evolved and took control of her, chasing away those who actually cared for her. Even though I had seen Kuga as an example, I was unprepared for the rejection.

To keep my sanity, I spent time taking care of mother and worked more shifts at local stores. I opted not to use any makeup to save some money. I frequented the night calls now that I needed more cash. And, to make myself feel a little better, I looked out the window to watch the stars and reminded myself that we were still under the same sky no matter where she was.

"She hasn't called. It's been a month, and she hasn't called," I griped, clipping my nails. Tonight was a little quiet, and I was a little too restless. Sitting on the bed, I snug my phone between my left ear and shoulder. Penumbra had become my new best friend when the world seemed to turn its back on me.

"Her assistant said she's shooting a new movie at the moment, so she's probably very busy… or she's just out of the country," I quickly added.

'What does this crush of yours do? She even got an assistant!'

I paused for a moment, squeezing my eyes shut for letting out an intimate detail that I shouldn't have. All through our conversations, I never mentioned anything that could have exposed Shizuru's identity.

'It's okay. You don't have to tell me—'

"She's an actress." I had to do it. When I had no one else to turn to, Penumbra was the only friend I got left.

'Wow! Anyone famous? I'm all excited now.'

"That's all I'm going to hint. Bleh." I made it sound trivial, believing that no one on earth could have guessed that it was actually 'S' I had been lamenting over.

But the string of lonely nights had abruptly come to an end when I took a small job from Mayu and bumped into Luca again. Amidst a hundred crews, he wasted no time and tried to charm me with his tanned, muscular body and his strong, sexy accent. His handsome, bearded face betrayed his age, and I could actually live with it. As my mind kept replaying those sad nights in Fuuka, I suddenly found my new companion extremely addictive.

Party after party, drink after drink, Luca and I spent days and nights breathing Tokyo together. He came into my life and lit it up with his charismatic laugh and fancy dinner. I walked into his life and made him forget his catastrophic divorce with my shameless, sardonic youth. I believed we had something we needed from each other. We enjoyed each other so much that I decided to officially move in with him, even though everybody was already convinced that I was living with him for havingspent the nights over at his place for the past month.

With each day Luca showered me with gifts and a continual sense of importance, I started to understand why people remembered the bad times better than good ones. Time flied when everything around you was filled with hope, but it stopped when your world cracked and made you suffer every single minute of it. I fully understood it on one winter night when I decided to visit Shizuru again.

It had been months since she last visited me in Fuuka. I had several opportunities to see her at the studios while she was on the shoots, or at some parties, but she always had the knack to 'overlook'. She never saw me there. She failed to notice my presence even when I stared so hard at her, hoping for an eye contact from a far corner. It was always Mayu, or some other fine-looking models around 'S' that veiled me away. I didn't want to approach her. I was afraid that I might burst my happiness bubble with Luca. I was frightened that I'd run headfirst into the crazy, lonely world with her the first moment she called my name. Perhaps, Kuga had felt the same way I did now, and it was so enticingly fragile a sentiment to kill off.

"Nobu-san was exasperated! You've just upset the whole shooting schedule! How could you do that to the boy? What has he ever done to you?" Mayu almost screamed, and I was startled at her rare display of frustration.

I had just walked into Shizuru's penthouse unannounced since I still had the key. The actress and her assistant were having a heated conversation by the kitchen counter. They hadn't noticed me.

"Why do you keep calling him a boy? He's even older than me," Shizuru said, sipping her wine. She was in a glamorous, revealing black dress. Her hair was all done. Her heavy makeup accentuated her eerie beauty.

"Oh, please! You just keep getting more and more childish every day. What has gotten into you?" Mayu had dressed up as well. I figured they had somewhere to go afterwards, and it was hard for me to deny that it was the reason I chose to visit Shizuru tonight.

Shizuru sat herself on the stool, pouring another glass of wine. "I just don't want to work with him, that's all. He can be replaced. He's unimportant."

"He's a supporting actor. Yes, he's a nobody, '_S_', but he got the part because he won the audition. He was the best, and he fitted the role perfectly. What have you got against him?" Mayu paced around, letting out an aggravated sigh. Something scandalous must have happened today at the shoot of 'Sarabande', Shizuru's third film, and I mentally cursed for having missed it.

"Well, let's get this straight, and I hope you'll be more rational than this. We already shot some scenes with him, and it would be quite a mess if we had to reshoot—"

"It's a good thing that I haven't started. You could take me off the cast now," Shizuru deadpanned.

"Shizuru!"

"It's either me, or him. Simple." Shizuru's tone was disturbingly cool, but I could see the understated restlessness in her bloodshot eyes. She had either been deprived of sleep for days, or she was already drunk at eight o'clock.

Mayu glowered at the actress. "You're not going to make it easy, are you?"

"Don't presume what's easy and what's not for me! You don't know me!" Shizuru had literally jumped at Mayu, gripping the woman's arms and scolding in her face. The assistant froze, equally stunned by the anger as I was. Something told me that this wasn't just another usual shenanigan by 'S'; it was something excruciatingly serious for her.

Mayu took a deep breath in and brushed Shizuru's hands off her. "You may be right. I don't know who you are anymore. I'm leaving."

Shizuru walked back to the counter to get her glass. "Go back to your husband. You know he'll always be there, waiting for you," she said, raising the glass to her assistant.

Mayu stopped in her track, and then slowly turned around to face Shizuru. "What is your problem?"

"I don't have any problems."

"Seriously, this has got to stop."

Shizuru shrugged. "Anytime."

At the notion, Mayu rushed back to the actress, cupping her face with both hands. "I—I meant whatever that's killing you. Whatever it is that always keeps you at a distance. I can't reach you, Shizuru. This has to stop. I want it to stop."

"I don't know how, and maybe I don't want to." Shizuru finished her drink in one go.

"Are you in love with someone else?" Mayu shook her head in hurt, the action which I found incredibly ridiculous and selfish on her part.

Shizuru even had a smile as she retorted, "I'm single, Mayu. I'm free to like anybody."

"I'll divorce him, if you will have me," Mayu said without batting an eyelid. And I was about to puke, recalling how Kenji-san had to dine alone more often than not when she was busy fucking her boss.

There was a brief hesitation in Shizuru's eyes as she stared at Mayu, but the look was quickly replaced by what I'd call 'sorrow'.

"We can't. What we had belongs to the past. We were too young to know what love is."

"But we've grown. We both know what it feels like—"

"I shouldn't have started it with you… It's not fair to Kenji-san. It's not fair to you, or me…" Shizuru said, slowly looking away.

Tears welled up Mayu's eyes. Her gaze was fixed upon Shizuru, but its usual intensity was lost somewhere between the past and the present. Her soul wasn't really there, and it somewhat scared me. She had always been the strong, composed one. She was one of the first people I'd turn to if I needed help, and I believed Shizuru had felt that way, too.

"If only I could show it to you. You've always been the one for me, Shizuru, and you'll always be," Mayu whispered. She then turned away, heading towards the door. But she halted in her steps when she saw me in the doorway.

Shizuru had looked up after Mayu and saw me as well. For a short, awkward moment, the three of us just remained in silence. I should be thankful for everything Mayu had done for me, but I was too caught up in my joy to see her leave.

Mayu slightly turned towards Shizuru's direction and said, "Happy Birthday." With that, she left without looking at me.

Shizuru turned twenty years old that night. She was in a stunning dress. She had prepared for a wonderful celebration with her pals. But after what had just happened, I figured it would be just the two of us tonight. The party had suddenly become a distant plan.

Without another word, Shizuru walked around the counter and grabbed a new glass. She poured me a glass of wine as I approached the counter and sat down. I took the glass from her, and we clank our glasses.

"Happy birthday," I said.

After a long moment, Shizuru looked up at me and gave me a small, but genuine smile.

The night went by in bottles, small talks and more laughs. We had a lot to catch up during the months I was away, discovering and experiencing new things in life. I tried to avoid the subject of dating Luca, although I supposed that she must have heard it from the crews. Gossips and rumors in the studios spread like wildfire. But Shizuru didn't only leave Luca out of our good time, she opted not to mention what had gone down with Mayu earlier tonight like it never happened—like how she failed to get uncomfortable about _our_ kiss. She was so good at faking it that I wanted to scream behind my smile.

By three o'clock in the morning, Shizuru passed out on the couch, and I was already very tired and drunk. I had to literally drag her into her bedroom and threw her onto the bed. I unzipped her gown and took it off her, so that she could sleep more comfortably. Her skin was so warm, and her body was akin to perfection. I just sat beside her, watching her chest rise up and down in a peaceful rhythm. It wasn't long before I fell asleep next to her. I wasn't sure if it was the influence from the alcohol, but it had to be the soundless slumber I had had in a long time.

"Matsuoka…? Holy shit…" My eyes widened at the information I had just received. I remembered well of Matsuoka, Kuga's first boyfriend, who left such an impression on Shizuru. How he ended up in Tokyo was not a big surprise given his good looks, but to wind up on the same casting list with 'S' had to be his worst start in the industry.

Haruka and Yukino nodded in agreement. We were in the corner of the studio, watching Shizuru doing her first scene for 'Sarabande'. One could only pray that nothing on earth could distract and set off the eccentric actress again.

"Shit happens. And that's why I was on a field trip last week, casting a new actor to feel in his place!" Haruka grumbled.

"_Fill_, Haruka-chan," Yukino corrected, and then turned to explain, "Shizuru just flipped when she saw Matsuoka-kun on the set that day."

I rolled my eyes. "So you didn't even bother to tell her before that? We all knew how she was that night she saw Kuga and him together. She'd never want to have anything to do with him, that's for sure."

Yukino looked down in guilt and adjusted her glasses, contemplating for a moment. "I thought it was a long time ago, and Shizuru could probably ignore it… Does this mean that she's still in love with Natsuki?"

The statement had me staggered in a way I hadn't prepared for. I roared out in laughter and spoke louder than I intended to. "Haven't you seen all the girls she's been partying with? Kuga is a thing of the past. Trust me."

But the past and present weren't always too far apart to let go of each other. It wasn't 'S' who staged a chaos on set today, but Kenji-san, an old-fashioned gentleman. As usual, no one really noticed him. No one ever really listened to him, with his trademark soft-spoken voice. Nobody saw when he entered the studio. It was only until he stalked across the hall, passed the running camera in the bewildered eye of the crews, grabbed the actress and punched her in the face, that others finally became aware of his presence.

Screams and yells erupted as soon as Shizuru stumbled backwards, covering her nose and mouth with both hands. It took Haruka, Yukino and I a moment to mentally register what was happening. Or was it our fear of what Kenji-san might burst out now? But the man just turned around and left the scene as quietly as he came.

"Ara, I need to change." Shizuru studied the bloody spots on her gray sweater. Quite frankly, she was more concerned about her costume than her bleeding lips. She didn't press any charges, and Nobu made it clear to the crews that the incident must be kept secret, or they'd be released from the shooting (and future projects).

"You didn't tell me it was him," I said almost in an accusing tone.

Bracing myself against the bathroom door, I watched Shizuru examine the dark purple spot at the corner of her mouth in the mirror. I followed her back to the penthouse, keeping Mayu out of the picture and marking my old territory in a way. Nobu gave the actress a few days to rest, but Shizuru insisted on returning tomorrow. She didn't look disturb or shaken by the event today as though she had anticipated it.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb now. I'm talking about Matsuoka! You got him fired!"

"Oh, that… Why would you care? He's not your friend." Shizuru mildly shrugged.

"I can't believe you stooped so low, Shizuru. You have no rights over Kuga. You never had. She can live whichever way she wants and with whoever she wants. How could you do that to him? Plain rejection from you will probably kill off his career in this industry, and he hasn't even started it yet." I couldn't quite explain all the anger fuming inside of me. For some reason, I'd rather see her confront Matsuoka and suffered. I wanted her to be able to put all that was Kuga behind her.

Shizuru put the wet towel down on the sink and looked at me from the mirror. "I don't care. I don't care what he's gonna do with his life after this. I just don't want to see his face ever again."

"I should have known that it's so easy for you," I sneered, and then strode out of the bathroom.

To my surprise, Shizuru followed into the living room and put herself in front of me, blocking my way. "Where—where are you going?" She began to waver when I wouldn't stop.

"I'm going to Luca's. I live with him now." I grabbed my purse and jacket from the couch.

"He's old enough to be your father. Please, Nao. You don't have to do this to upset me."

My jaw dropped in vexation that she had the nerve to claim her self-importance over me. "You can't be serious. I date Luca because he likes me, and I like him. We enjoy each other a lot, Shizuru. My life doesn't revolve just around you and your needs. You show up when you have no one, and then you just disappear on a whim. For God's sake, not everyone is willing to get hurt to get your attention! I'm not Mayu!"

Everything was a haze after I stormed out of her penthouse. She didn't follow, and foolishly I waited in the hallway. I waited, but everything remained so quiet, as lonely as the road I took, as lost as my entire world.

Looking down, I saw her shadow on the other side of the door, which easily separated our worlds. But she didn't come out, and she didn't call. I mentally slapped myself for being smart for once. I was right: I wasn't Mayu. I wasn't willing to jump into whatever circus she led. I wouldn't let her fleeting attention fool me. I wouldn't let my yearning hinder what was best for me.

What hurt the most was that I wasn't as brave and courageous as I'd like to be.

"How much does this car cost?" Mother asked reluctantly. She was in the front passenger seat. She used to have an old Toyota some years ago before she went into coma. Everything was sold after it appeared that she wasn't going to wake up again.

"Don't know. It's a gift from Luca." My boyfriend was generous, and I wasn't going to object it. A little comfort in life couldn't hurt. I'd leave the car in Fuuka even though I knew that mother would take the train instead. Maybe she could sell it for cash in case of emergency.

"_Luca_? Your boyfriend isn't Japanese?" Mother frowned slightly. She was taken aback by the revelation since I rarely mentioned him to her before, though she tried not to show it for fear of offending me.

I kept the subject of Luca short and made it sound forgettable. I didn't want mother to think that I was one of those girls living off their rich, middle-aged boyfriends, even if I sort of did in a way. Life wasn't all paved with rose petals, and I was one to know it better than most girls in Fuuka.

That evening, I took mother to see 'Sarabande', the new film featuring 'S'. The theater was extremely crowded on the opening weekend, and the film worked like magic. After two hours of action and drama, 'S' managed to make mother completely forgot about the car and the boyfriend. Mother even planned to see the movie again next week.

I refused, claiming that it was too predictable for my taste, the usual garbage by 'S'. I returned to the theater the next day, picking the latest show time of the day. It had to be the lamest way to see her face again. Once I claimed the courage to be with the one I wanted rather than the other way around, I now learned that it was much harder to put it in practice.

To my fault, I had always considered Yukino a weakling. But however frail she may appear to be at times, she turned out to be a brave soul. She had kept her head and her heart in one. She let Haruka know her feelings and faced humiliation to stand by the blonde no matter what. While Shizuru and I, the bold ones during the Hime fiasco, faltered in the real world battle.

"Hmm…" Yukino murmured as she slowly broke out of her nap. Stirred by the noises and loud chatters in the studio, she lifted her head from Haruka's stiff shoulder. She was taking a short nap while I did a small commercial, a job Mayu kindly found me. We were going for a BBQ dinner afterwards.

Haruka looked clearly uncomfortable in her post, her gaze kept scanning the area if anyone was looking at them with suspicious eye. As a renowned producer's niece, she was super cautious of her action regarding both public and private issue.

"My… My glasses…" Sitting on the stool in the corner, Yukino clumsily fumbled through her bag. She paused when Haruka quietly handed her the pair of glasses. The blonde had taken it off Yukino and kept it in her chest pocket all the while her friend was asleep.

Not a word was exchanged between the two. Haruka didn't have to burst out the list of what Yukino should or should not do before taking a nap, and Yukino didn't have to thank her. She simply put the glasses. Seeing Yukino's discreet smile of confidence, I couldn't deny that I wasn't jealous. Not everyone was as lucky and strong to be able to stay on the long, wicked road called 'love'. Certainly not Mayu, or me.

Mayu approached me after the shooting, and I thanked her for the help. As always, she smiled and pretended that nothing out of ordinary had happened—not her affair, or the fact that her husband hit the actress in the face. She had tried to apologize to Shizuru, but Shizuru only shunned her out. They had not talked since 'Sarabande' was wrapped. Nobu didn't have to fire Kenji-san for risking damages on the million-dollar face; the man resigned himself the day after the scandal.

But I could see the sadness in Mayu's eyes behind her smile. The bitterness ironically mirrored mine.

"I'm getting a divorce," she said.

We stood in the corner, and only Haruka and Yukino were near enough to hear our conversation. I never expected her to consider me as a person to confide in, but a stranger was sometimes the best candidate to let on a secret or two. Distance in conversation only made the pain far less tangible than it really was, but to each of us, it was as real as it got.

"I'm sorry, Mayu-san…" I said.

Mayu looked down. "He said he won't be a fool anymore… but I just can't stop making a fool out of myself. I can't stop loving her."

"What will she do now?" I found my voice a bit shaken at the resentful curiosity.

"She… She said she's in love with someone else." There was a flash of discomfort across Mayu's eyes as she looked up at me. "She often mentioned a friend…, Natsuki. I supposed they were close. Do you know the girl?"

My heart sank. Shizuru had finally dared to confess of her true feeling. And I was sorely tempted to announce to the world that it was one-sided on her part, and that she was chasing what she could never have—that she was more courageous than I wanted to admit.

"Yeah… Uh, she's our Fuuka friend—"

"Is it true that Shizuru's gone?" At the mention of Kuga, Yukino stood up from her chair and interrupted us. Sparing heartache for the both of us was what she was doing.

"Gone? What do you mean?" I blinked, suddenly feeling a hole in my chest.

Shizuru took herself off the packed work schedule indefinitely. Two years after she left Kuga, the odd actress still found her mask irreparable, her heart bruised and her pride diminished. She eventually abandoned the sanctuary of scripts that allowed her to be someone else, the parties that offered only smiles, and the girls who enjoyed her persona but never knew the real her. She went to search for her true self in the outside world.

For long months, she disappeared from the life of everyone who knew her.

Until one night I stumbled across a big poster along the crowded subway on my way back to Luca's condominium. The display featured a uniquely handsome face of 'S', the model was wearing only a pair of jeans.

It was one twilight evening of June. Shizuru was propped in the middle of an abandoned warehouse. Her left leg straightened as the support of balance, and her right lifted up, strutting against a rusty container. Wearing only the pair of jeans, her bare breasts were veiled behind the wild waves of chestnut tresses. She bit half of her pinkly-glossed lower lip as she reached out to thrust the camera away.

From what I heard, the commercial had to be shot in Mumbai on the actress' request, which Nobu gladly met her demand. It was hard enough to locate her and even harder to get her on a deal, but the commercial's incredible success reassured the producer that 'S' was worth every difficulty she put him through.

"I was at the shooting, and I got to meet her parents!" A crew babbled about her encounter with 'S' in Mumbai.

I was changing in the locker room, and all of a sudden found it hard to tie my shoes. I was all ears.

"Are you sure they were her parents?" One of the girls responded enthusiastically.

"Well, they didn't look half as gorgeous as she did. I wonder if she's really theirs, you know."

"Oh, so it's true then that her biological mother is Portuguese."

The girl shrugged. "Anyway, she was kind of strange. One minute she was all proper and charming, and then she didn't make much sense the next. She was wearing this elephant mask most of the time. She thought she was some Indian god reincarnated. She wasn't wearing shoes on the set either."

"What a buffoon. I'm not surprised." Another girl made a statement in a scornful, envious tone. "Didn't you know that she's a drug addict? It's the reason she was off work for several months at times. It's only a matter of time, you see. She's going to end up in rehab or drop dead during one of her parties—Ah!" She screamed at the shoe flinging across the room, hitting the wall behind her head.

Bewildered, they all turned to look at me, seemingly only noticed my presence just now.

"That's my friend you're talking about. Keep your mouth shut, or I won't miss it this time." I tightened my grip on the other shoe in my hand.

The girls quickly left, whispering to one another as they glanced over their shoulders at me before the door shut. Letting out a sigh, I walked bare feet to retrieve my shoe. Shizuru had no idea what I'd do for her, but then she had surprised me time and again what she'd do for me.

"Holy shit… This is gonna be fun…" I involuntarily growled as I turned from the Ferrari booth, my hand clinging to Luca's thick bicep. We were having a good time, enjoying the motor show. It was the first time I brought Luca home to Fuuka. Our family dinner last night went pretty well, I must say. Luca didn't seem to care one bit of my less-than-extravagant lifestyle in Fuuka, and he was especially kind to mother.

"What is it?" Luca was quick in response. His gaze followed mine to see a young woman in a black, leather jacket.

Kuga looked radiant with her long, raven hair hung down to her back in contrast with her pale skin and vibrant green eyes. The curves of her matured body fitted the white tank top and the tight jeans perfectly. I had to admit that she looked striking even in casual clothes.

She turned around from the Ducati booth, and horror plastered all over her pretty face the second she saw me. For a brief moment, she quickly glanced over Luca and was clearly relieved that it wasn't Shizuru next to me.

I promptly dragged Luca to Kuga, stopping her from walking away. "Oh, hello, Kuga. Not so fast."

"I'm not running away. Hello back." She turned to face me again. She didn't even try to fake a smile. Frankly, her honesty was almost endearing, and it always came in handy when my world was just so messed up.

"This is Luca, my boyfriend. Luca, this is Kuga Natsuki. She used to be _her_ best friend."

Luca grinned. "Nice to meet you, Ms. Kuga! If you're a friend of 'S', then you're my friend, too!"

Kuga struggled in his bear hug, and I had to laugh.

"Have you heard from Shizuru?" I asked.

Kuga arched her brows at my question. Lord knew how easy she was to toy with. She glanced at Luca for a second before looking away. "We haven't talked in a while," she lied, possibly to save herself from being humiliated in front of my boyfriend.

"She and I hook up every week or so. She said she's missed you, by the way," I lied, elbowing Luca as to a signal him to keep quiet. "She's changed her number." I pretended to grab my cell phone from my pocket, and then stopped. A smile on my face, I looked up at her and sniggered. "She'll call when she remembers."

Kuga just stood there, watching Luca and I leave. The look on her face was not of horror, but stupor. She looked just the way I wanted, the way I had felt—that same confusion and desperation that haunted me day and night.

"She has no fucking clue what I'd do for her," I said into the phone. As usual, Penumbra was on the other end of the line. The conversation was as deep and bare as it was going to get. It felt like talking to a wall. It held your secrets well.

Penumbra laughed. 'Why don't you just call her? It's her birthday, isn't it?'

"Yeah, she's turning twenty-one. Twenty-one and still so stupid! She should be calling me now. Do you always expect your friends to call you on your birthday? People should be grateful when they have friends to begin with."

'Don't be upset, widowmaker. It's a good day. Do something to lighten yourself up.'

I rolled on my bed, burying my face in the pillow. "I'm tired. I'm sick of this shit. I love my boyfriend, and I should be happy with him."

A pause. 'Then why don't you let her go…? Maybe she's waiting for you to let her go.'

The words struck me hard for I already had the answer to it. I had shamefully tried to hold Shizuru back. I had done ridiculous things I never thought I'd be doing just to make her forget Kuga. I had hoped that time would make her look at me the way she looked at her. But what hurt the most was that I knew that Shizuru understood me more than I ever gave her credit for. She was simply waiting for me to come to term with it like she was willing to wait for Kuga to make a decision.

After a moment of silence from me, Penumbra quickly added, 'Hey, I didn't mean to be nosy, or anything. It was merely a suggestion. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.'

"Don't worry. I'm ok," I said. A sad smile slowly crept up my face. "Oh, shit… Wait." I grumbled as another line called in. My heart skipped a beat at the odd number on the screen. "Shit. Penumbra, I have to go."

'S—sure. Talk to you later.'

I immediately hung up and answered the second line. "Hello." I trusted that my voice was steady.

'Hey…'

There was a long pause before I could suppress all the joy blooming inside upon hearing her greeting word. "New number again?"

She chortled.

"Happy birthday, Shizuru."

'I was waiting to hear that,' she teased. 'Thank you. How are you? I hope everything is going well for you.'

"Where are you? When are you coming back?" I wasn't interested in telling her about me. There was nothing I was proud enough to make her care. And I wasn't prepared to hide how excited I was.

'I'm here and there. Prague, at the moment. I'm gonna stay here for a few weeks. But I don't have any plan after this. I'm running out of places to go. Any idea?' She tried to joke, but her voice sounded a little distant, harboring a hint of distress that I could not ignore.

'My parents are here with me,' she finally said. 'I'm not sure why I invited them.'

I shut my eyes tightly at the urge to go to her now and comfort her. Shizuru was many extraordinary things, but never without her faults and weaknesses. I witnessed how she broke down in her mother's apology, and I knew that I didn't want to see that ever again.

"They're back together again?" I asked and hoped for the best for her.

'As friends, I suppose. They want me to go back with them to Fuuka.'

"Well—well… What did you say?" My heart was pounding so fast at the notion, even though I knew that there was very little chance she would settle in Fuuka again.

'They seem to like it there a lot, so I'm looking for a house at the moment… Maybe things will get better… Just maybe…'

"Aren't you happy for them?" I clung to my phone for fear that she might disappear too soon.

It took Shizuru a long moment before she replied, "No."

It wasn't the most romantic way to learn what love was. It was when I felt the pain that wasn't mine—when I wanted to take it all away only if I could hear her laugh again.

"Luca asked me to marry him. Will you be happy for me?"

I didn't know what made me say it then. Perhaps, it was my last pathetic attempt to end my hope. As expected, she didn't give a straight answer. Our phone conversation ended with her heart broken and mine empty.

_Share them with me_

_Show me everything_

_Your smiles. Your tears_

_But I won't_

_You know I can't_

_Your secrets are safe with me_

_Fear no more. I feel no more_

_You are my secret_

_But you can't_

_You know you can't love me_

The spring month of April greeted us with 'Secrets', the first single from 'S', which mercilessly kept playing in my head. The single easily climbed to the top spot on the chart, while the singer continued to stay out of spotlight. Radio stations kept playing the song to death, and her fans were going to make it a national anthem.

But no one knew of her secret but me.

Lying on the deck of Luca's white yacht, I was in my yellow bikini, a glass of champagne in my hand. My skin was well-oiled with suntan lotion. Wearing a pair of sunglasses, I admired the city view a mile off the Okinawa shore. Luca knew just how to please me, and he had infinite ideas to keep me entertained. He had been trying even harder the past few months as he suspected a growing distance between us. It couldn't be helped. He believed that our age difference had started to take its toll. I had no other way but to assure him that he was the only good thing in my life. I didn't lie.

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it!?" Luca climbed up to the deck and lied down next to me. He was in his navy swim brief and a white cowboy hat. Grinning, he turned to me and we clank our glasses.

"To us."

But my merry laugh somehow wiped the smile off his face. He had grown a habit of looking too much into everything concerning me: my smiles, my thoughtful gazes, and even my usually nonsensical babbles. There were times when I stopped laughing at his jokes, and more often than not he started to miss mine. As he let his insecurity creep in, I began to pine for the uncertainty in life that had shaped me into who I was today. He could have been my safest bet, the best man I'd ever found, and I could have been the youth and excitement he'd forever lost. In a way, we were a perfect match, but we could never be content with each other until we were at ease with ourselves. I started to learn life as it came, and Luca seemed to know it. He had lived it before.

Out of the blue, my head snapped at the sound of engine humming above. I looked up, squinting behind my sunglasses. Against the hot, blue sky, a white private jet, its tail painted the letter 'S', flew past our yacht. My mouth gaped open as I shot up to my feet. Raising my free hand over my brows, I tilted my head back, watching as the plane climbed higher into the sky and circled around. Out of breath, I smiled widely at the display. My heart was suddenly full again with the challenges I had missed.

Only until I realized how smitten I appeared to be, I looked down and met with Luca's contemplative, dark gaze.

"She doesn't love you," he whispered over his champagne.

Tears in my eyes, I said, "I know."

She wasn't the best person for me, and I her. But our path had joined and gone beyond where words could describe, and we both couldn't deny that we were a unique pair.

The plane high in the sky, Luca stood up and danced with me in the sun. He sang my favorite, Italian song that I kept forgetting its meaning. At sunset, he sailed back to the dock and gave me a kiss.

"I was going to save it for the wedding day," he joked, chuckling lightly.

All of a sudden, it felt like a burn had just rolled down my chest. I took my sunglasses out, showing him my tears for the first time, and threw my arms around him. After a long embrace, we eventually let go and smiled at each other one last time.

"Live your life to the fullest, Nao-chan. I will miss you. Always."

"And I you, Luca."

I put my sunglasses on against the bright, orange light at the horizon. Turning around, I found Shizuru sitting on a rocky bench not too far away. In a straw hat and a pair of sunglasses, she was in a casual, purple dress and a tight, leather jacket. A cup of tea was set beside her. A book in her hand. She seemed to be engrossed in the reading, sipping her drink all the while. She looked as charming as ever, but what was missing was the urgency in her need to run and hide. She had traveled the world and come back to where it all started—she had come back to me. Maybe life was a vicious cycle like that, and she had learned to accept it.

When I approached her, she looked up and greeted me with a serene smile. I could feel the air of peace around her. It was intoxicating and contagious. She took off her sunglasses, and the gentle sunlight rendered her eyes into a strangely breathtaking, orange-brown shade.

"Are you ready?" She grinned.

With a suitcase in my hand, I faked a coy turn, titling my head a bit. "Hmm. I'm thinking—Paris."

"Guam."

"Bali," I countered.

Shizuru nodded. "Close enough."

And we both giggled. We ended up at the airport soon afterwards and blindly picked a destination on the world map. We had three months before Shizuru would resume her work again, so we took it slow. We journeyed from one place to the next, absorbing the world around us and learning about each other as we truly were.

Lying on the creaky bed in a cheap motel in Chanakyapuri, India, I had a long list of what-to-do on Shizuru's anticipated, one-day event in my hand.

"What time did you say you'll have an interview with Souta-san?" I jotted down the timeline. Kagome Souta was the most respectable TV show host in Japan today, a friend of Yamada Kenji, director of 'Stay', Shizuru's new movie.

"Three—two o'clock, I think. I'll have to check with Mayu again." Shizuru, in her blue pajamas that I'd always found cute, threw herself down next to me. Her hair was wet as she had just come out of a shower. We had just come back from the pub down the street, and Roy Orbison's _Crying_ still haunted me in the back of my mind.

"Why can't you just get a new assistant? Someone who doesn't want to jump into your pants all the time," I said, trying to keep my tone casual.

"Be nice, Nao. I won't fire her just because our affair ended. And she promised to stay away from my personal life."

"You can't be serious. She's asked to join our trip twice already. Urgh, forget it." I inwardly grumbled and pretended to be interested in the list again.

Shizuru chortled. "Good! Let's talk about the plan. Hmm… When I finished the interview, I'd like to have steak for dinner. Can you tell Mayu to make a reservation for me? I need some place nice and quiet. A few glasses of wine and a beautiful seaside view… Yeah, I think she'll like it. Maybe we'll go for a stroll in a park, or I could take her for a ride. There should be enough time before I have to head back to the airport. Oh, and she might like some flowers, too. I think there was a place downtown—"

"I'm curious. Don't you have like a backup plan, or something? Has it ever occurred to you that Kuga might not want to dine with you, princess?"

"Then it'd be the end of the world for me!" Shizuru covered her face with both hands.

I rolled my eyes. "Nobody is forcing you to do a movie, _plus_ an interview, just to get her attention, dimwit."

"Well, the script is great. And I intend to honor Kenji-san's request."

"I thought you didn't like him much," I said, making a face.

"Professionally, I admire him. But, yes, he can be a real pain. What can I do? He seems to be the best excuse for Natsuki to come and see me. She'll be impressed!" Shizuru grinned.

"Let's not get ahead of yourself. The most important thing is to get her to your party. After three years of no contact whatsoever, what makes you think she'll even consider it," I griped, putting the list away.

Shizuru grabbed the paper and frowned as she read on. All of a sudden, I got the nostalgic feeling of lying next to her back when we still stayed at the hotel, missing the time when she would literally study the list of people to invite to her party. We had come a long way, but we were going around in circle. Shizuru was going to return to Kuga and risk breaking her heart again. I was going to let her go and be alone again.

"Hmm. Mai-san could probably get her there somehow…" Shizuru muttered, and then glanced up at me. "But you're right. I'm not sure at all. After all this time, I still don't know how she feels…" There was almost a hint of resentment in her soft voice. A frustration was palpable in her gaze as she slowly laid her head down on the pillow. It all could be just a waste. It could be the same heartbreaking answer she received three years ago. What an answer in life could give when death could not: during the Hime fiasco, Kuga refused her love until the last minute of their life.

Her gaze drifted into the distance, Shizuru clutched the pillow. "I'm going to give her just one day—this one chance. It has to be an end of something… I want to move on, Nao. I want… to live…"

I remained silent as I didn't trust myself to be fair. I only patted her head and sighed. "Then let it be. Fuck the plan. You get her to the party and tell her everything you want her to know. That's it… That will be it…"

But things didn't go as scripted. Yukino informed Shizuru during the shooting of 'Stay' that Kuga failed to show up. The girl didn't even give a call. Although Shizuru managed to remain professional throughout the day, she completely lost it as soon as the film was wrapped. On the way back to the mansion, she drowned herself in tequila shots and a mix of everything else alcoholic. By the time she was up on the deck to perform a new song for her guests, she was almost ready to pass out. I didn't expect her to be able to finish the whole song.

It was a horror to say the least when I saw her jump off the deck and had to drag her out of the pool. Shizuru passed out in my arms, and I stayed by her bedside until four in the morning. Yukino came to knock on the door, Mai, Tate and Mikoto trailing behind her.

"Nao-chan, it's time." Yukino approached the bed. "Haruka-chan already got there an hour ago. She's checking into the hotel now."

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't contain my joy. I'm going to Fiji! F. I. J. I.!" Mai squealed, Mikoto unconsciously clinging to her waist.

"Shhhh! Shizuru-san is sleeping, Mai." Tate tried to quiet down his excited girlfriend, but she didn't seem to listen.

"Mai… Let's go… hungry…" Mikoto murmured in her sleep.

Shizuru eventually woke from the commotion in her bedroom. "Na… Natsuki…?"

That was the first thing that came to Shizuru's mind when she opened her eyes again, and I would have thrown a fit if not because of the others around me. I poured a glass of warm water and lifted Shizuru's head up to give her the refreshment. Shizuru took a sip, frowning in mild puzzlement at the people in her room.

"She's here! Natsuki's here!" Mai grinned from ear to ear.

Yukino nodded in confirmation. "She came to the shooting at 10 P.M., but I didn't get the chance to tell you. She's in the room across the hall, sleeping."

"What—She's staying overnight?" Shizuru blinked a few times, a little dazed. But she couldn't seem to hide the delight in her voice now.

"She passed out just like you did," I spat, harshly retracting my hand and letting Shizuru flop back down to bed. She groaned a little at the headache, clutching her head with both hands.

"I—I passed out?"

"You jumped off the deck, stupid. And she jumped into the pool after you. Double stupidity."

I didn't know what I said or did to earn the suspicious glances from both Yukino and Mai. I was pretty certain that Mai did catch the scene I kissed Shizuru in front of my home, but she never mentioned it. And if our friends had talked about it behind my back, I didn't give a damn. They slowly left the room, promptly giving us the privacy I didn't ask for.

Shizuru looked bewildered. "Who jumped? Me?"

I took a long look at her and shook my head. I sank down on the edge of the bed, facing the wall instead of her. "I'm not surprised. You'd do just about anything to…"

"Hmm?"

Slowly, I turned to her. Shizuru was rubbing her face tiredly, yawning. "I gotta go now. They're waiting for me," I said, getting up.

Oddly, she seemed to detect the sadness in my voice and quickly looked up at me. Our gazes were locked, and everything I had always wanted to say storm inside my chest the moment I had her full attention. I edged back to the bed and gently caressed her face.

"I give you only one day to settle this. You can't… You can't miss that plane to Istanbul… You cannot _not_ know that I'm letting you go for just one day."

I didn't wait for her response. I spun on my heels and left the room to join my friends downstairs. We took the cab and went straight to the airport. We arrived at Fiji before I knew as my mind was busy revolving around everything that had happened between us, every chance I had to hold her back, and what tomorrow might bring for them.

As our gang was having a good time on the beach, celebrating our first night on the island, I sat on the beach recliner, quietly washing down one glass of martini after another. Unfortunately, my mind was too stubborn to let go, and I failed to get drunk no matter how hard I tried.

"I have an idea! Let's call Natsuki-chan and check how it went!" Mai pulled out her cell phone, a glass of wine in her other hand.

The others cheered and gathered around the mother hen, their happy faces reddened by the influence of alcohol.

I secretly thanked God for the ringing of my mobile in my pocket, not wanting to hear what Kuga had to say. I looked at the screen and smiled at Penumbra's number. A friend was what I absolutely needed at the moment.

"Penumbra, I can't believe you call! I told you I'd be in Fiji. Jesus, you're gonna regret your phone bill this month!" I laughed heartily.

'We don't have much time, Nao. The plane is taking off in a few minutes.'

I paused. I never told Penumbra my real name throughout the years of our friendship. Penumbra seemed to lose the high-pitched voice and weird accent I used to hearing, speaking now with the familiar Kyoto-ben.

"How… How did you—When did you… How is this possible…?" I bit my bottom lip. All the things that I had spilled out of my heart in those phone conversations drove tears to my eyes.

'I guess I just figured it out along the way…'

I should have known since Shizuru was a natural chameleon, the very reason she was destined to be an actress. I was surprised that I wasn't angry in the least bit. In fact, I was relieved that she had heard it all from me.

'This isn't the best time, but… Thank you, Nao. You've saved me…'

And she had saved me in ways that I could never have imagined.

'I must go now.'

"Yeah… Yeah, I'll see you when you get back," I said, trying to find my proud smile. When the line was cut, I dropped the phone to my lap and buried my face in my hands. Tears just wouldn't stop pouring down now.

"Are you still there? Na—Nao-chan wouldn't talk to you. I think it's the jetlag," Mai spoke into her phone. She was giving Kuga a lame excuse when she saw me in the miserable state. While everyone else was enjoying the paradise, only Mai seemed to notice that my world was falling apart. When she was finally off the phone from Kuga, she moved beside me and, like a caring mother she was, tenderly put her arm around me.

I let out a bitter chuckle as I rested my head against her shoulder, watching the starry sky. There was no need to exchange words. I didn't have to tell Mai what had happened, but she knew it. We all knew that love had its own way to make its presence in our life, and that we could not force, or fight it. I learned later that, just like life itself, Shizuru's quest to Kuga's answer didn't go exactly as planned. There was no wine to celebrate. There was no romantic ride on her red Vespa. There was no beautiful seaside view to propose. Aside from the failed party, our complimentary trip to Fiji, and the unfinished interview, everything else that happened between them was spontaneous—as spontaneous as love could be.

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**A/N: **

**First off, I'm so sorry for the long wait (if there's anyone who's still reading this LOOOL). I know it's been a year since I last updated this story, but… I finished it!! I finally finished it!!! I hope you enjoyed it somehow. Sorry for not having a beta either. **

**I now fulfilled my joy of completing a NaoShiz fic… (sounds like a closet ShizNao fan. Looool). Thank you! Thank you those who still read :D I'm gonna miss writing Nao a lot. Gaaaaah. Yeeeeah!!! **


	5. Sleepless: 1shot

**A/N #1: **_'Sleepless'_ is a 1-shot following the event of '_Superstar'_. No beta available. If you've read both _'Superstar'_ and _'Nostalgia'_, and would like to keep your own interpretation open, please skip this piece.

**A/N #2: **_'Nostalgia'_ was completed on Jan 18, 2010. And I always told myself never to touch this mini-series again. But I have this small scene written in my head for a long time, and Mai Universe's March prompt for 'Sleep' just begged me to do it.

Last but not least, I thank you everyone who had shown support/reviews for _Nostalgia_ since day one. I cannot tell you how deeply I appreciated it :D

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**SLEEPLESS**

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It was one of those sleepless nights. It was one of those moments when you felt that you hadn't done the right thing—the thing you longed for deep down inside but wasted the entire day, trying to ignore it. You knew you couldn't fight it.

I couldn't.

It was cold tonight, and the wind was harsh. Like always, I walked, comfortable in the dark. I came to stop in the pool of light from the streetlight, standing in front of the entrance of Kuga's humble apartment. I looked up at the small balcony on the fourth floor, where her room was. I could see the dimmed yellow light inside from the gap between the curtains. It was already 1:34 A.M., and I was surprised that they were still up. Gritting my teeth, I fished out my cell phone from my white coat's pocket and decided to ring her up.

"_Nao?_" The voice came. She sounded very awake. In fact, she sounded even excited to hear from me.

I couldn't hide the smile forming on my lips. "Of course, it's me, dimwit. I'm here. Look." I took a few steps back into the street, and waved up at the room.

Shizuru rushed to the door to the balcony, pulling the curtains wide open. She was in the old, oversized, blue t-shirt and a pair of gray, cotton shorts. I couldn't help but savor the familiar sight. I loved her in that t-shirt. One hand on the rail, she gazed down at me, and time stopped then. My heart pounded against my chest. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I couldn't even begin to understand how much I had missed her. I couldn't be sure if I was even welcomed here.

Her expression remained impassive for a while before a smile came across her face. "Don't move. I'll be right there." She gestured down at me, and quickly went inside again.

Squinting, I observed Kuga's living room through the glass door, and relief washed through me that there was no sign of the room's owner.

Soon, Shizuru came out through the front door of the apartment building. Hugging herself with both hands, she slowed down her pace as she approached me. Her deep gaze fixing upon me, the same smile I adored still lingered on her face.

"How was Istanbul?" I asked, and then bit my curving, bottom lip. For some reason, her smile always brought up mine no matter how hard I tried to kill it.

"Not bad. Not bad at all." Shizuru was wearing an extra, creamy, thin jacket, leaving her long, slender legs exposed to the chilly wind. I couldn't decide if she expected this meeting to be short, or if she was so excited to see me that she forgot to put on warmer pants. People always believed what they wanted to, so I decided to settle with the latter theory.

We sat down on the wooden bench along the pavement, and I had to laugh at Shizuru flinching and squealing a little at the coolness from the wood. She hugged herself tighter, and her shoulders became rigid.

"I didn't know you're back in Fuuka," Shizuru said.

I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes. "Surprised, or disappointed?"

Shizuru let out a laugh, her breath foggy. "You can't surprise me anymore. Try harder."

Chuckling, I thought back at how I failed miserably as 'Widowmaker', and how my confession had ended in bitter amusement. I fished two cans of beer from the plastic bag and handed one to her. "Here, have some," I said.

She nodded graciously and took the can. I held my breath the moment our fingers brushed, relishing the soft touch, but promptly let go of the can. If my mind hadn't played the trick, Shizuru had lingered a moment longer before quickly retreating.

"What are you doing, staying up so late?" I sipped the cold beer. I had just bought them from the convenient store on my way here.

Shizuru's head hang a little at the question. She quietly sipped her drink, staring out into the dark street. At this time of night, very few windows from both sides of the road still had the lights turned on. For some reason, I felt safer in the dark, so that I could watch her for as long as I wished. She didn't have to say anything, but I could see the glimpse of exhaustion in her eyes. It took enormous strength from me not to reach out.

I tapped my foot at her bare leg. "Come on. Spill it," I said, and took another gulp. It was just me and her tonight, and it felt like the good old days we spent in the motel, where no one could come between us.

Shizuru ran her hand through her wavy, chestnut hair. She looked sensual even without makeup. She let out a subtle sigh, her lips twitching a bit. "You see… Well, I—I... No, she… Umm…"

I chortled at her stuttering, but my smile soon vanished. Although it was amusing to see 'S' stagger at times, I found it hurting me inside whenever it happened.

Frowning, Shizuru just nodded to herself. "You know that Haruka hates me. Oh, God, she absolutely does, but she'd always admit at some point that she liked my works. It doesn't matter how bad the scripts were, she'd eventually say that she liked my acting, my special inputs, or—or my songs. She even bought my singles…" She paused, and then let out another sigh. "I showed her the lyrics for my new song yesterday, but she blatantly said it was stupid. _Stupid_. That's what she said."

I blinked a few times. "You can't sleep because Haruka doesn't like your song? You're unbelievable!" I laughed aloud, slapping my knee.

Shizuru glowered at me over her beer. "You don't understand."

"Of course, I do!" I said, watching her now with an endearing smile, "You value her opinion more than you'll ever admit."

Shizuru's gaze softened at my words, and she turned to look away. "I'm glad my predicament is amusing to you."

Sipping the beer, I chuckled, shaking my head. It was her stubbornness, her petty arrogance that sometimes made her so adorable to me. "She always criticized harshly at first, but that's how you'd come through. Don't worry. By the time you get to the final version, she'd love it. I know I'd love it… like always."

At my last words, Shizuru swiftly turned to look at me, and it was me who had to look away this time. Silence slowly crept upon us, and we sat there, each looking the other way. However, the wind kept whispering soft melody in an unknown, but strangely familiar language to us. It didn't matter how far we were apart, it always brought us back together. Soon, we turned to look into each other's eyes again.

"What brought you here tonight?" Shizuru asked.

I perked my chin up a little and, after a moment, reached into the plastic bag. I had just gotten the gift this afternoon, and had been debating whether to deliver it myself or not, if at all. I handed her a wrapped, black box.

"What is it?" Her eyes widened as she eagerly unwrapped the box like a child. Blinking in amazement, she held up the latest model of white iPhone. "A phone?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that's called a phone. Those junks in your pockets are not."

She eyed me with suspicion. "Did you buy it with my credit card again?"

"I was tempted to. No, of course not!" I lightly punched her arm, and she giggled. "I figured that 'S' shouldn't be walking around with those cheap cell phones of yours. Aren't you embarrassed when answering a call at all?"

"No, not really," Shizuru said earnestly, studying the phone in her hand. "Now, I have to be extra careful not to drop it."

My cheeks involuntarily flushed at her unintended complaint. I snatched the phone from her and faked a pout. "If you don't want it, I can just return it tomorrow."

For a moment, Shizuru's lips moved without a sound, trying to find words. "That's what not what I meant."

"Then what exactly did you mean?"

"I—"

Holding up the phone, I leaned in so close to her face. Smirking, I narrowed my eyes. "Do you like it? Do you want it?"

Shizuru didn't recoil. She stared down her nose at me with her unreadable facial expression. I halted in my post, suddenly feeling funny when I felt her breath caressing my cheeks. When she opened her mouth to speak, the ringing of her cell phone interrupted. I froze in my seat when I saw her taking out a black iPhone from her pocket.

"_Where are you?_"

I could hear Kuga's voice on the other end of the line, and I had to roll my eyes and sank back in the bench, sharply looking away.

"I'm right in front of the building. Nao's here," Shizuru replied, looking up at the balcony to their room.

"_What…? Wh—what's she doing here?_" Then Kuga came out to the balcony, one hand holding the phone to her ear. She was already in her yellow pajamas, her hair a little messy.

Staring up at the raven-haired girl, I blew a kiss into the air, and put up a fake smile. I didn't care if it angered her, or if she despised me. I wanted her to know.

"Kiss my ass! People need to sleep!" Kuga yelled down at us, and then stormed back into her room.

Giggling, Shizuru turned to me and held up her black iPhone. "Funny. Natsuki just got it for me today. You're a little late," she said, sticking her tongue out teasingly.

"I'm always late, I guess," I muttered, getting up to my feet and adjusting my coat. I meant every word I had just said, but she probably overlooked it. Like always. "Go get some sleep. Haruka told me you have a big day tomorrow."

To my surprise, Shizuru reached out and grabbed the white phone in my hand. She did not pull away, letting the warmth of our skin finding each other. "I like it, and I want it," she said. Her every word rang loud and clear, her tone the most sincere. And her smile shone brighter than any star in the dark sky. When she finally retracted her hand, I didn't know if I should smile or cry.

"I'd take anything that's free. You know me," Shizuru teased.

My cheeks hurt when my lips eventually broke into a wide grin. I chortled and said, "Yeah… Yeah, I do."

Shizuru stuffed the two cell phones into each side of her jacket's pocket. She looked up at me again and said, "Thank you… and good night, Nao."

I put my hands into my pockets and smirked. "Meet me in Tokyo." I then spun on my heels. I could hear her response in agreement in the back of my mind. I could still feel her warmth wrapping around my fingers. I could feel her ever watchful gaze upon me even without looking back. A smile on my face, I was certain that I wasn't the only one in this lonely town with a sleepless night.


End file.
